She looks up from the piece of grass she’d been twirling in the fingers of her other hand and watching intently. Now she’s watching me intently.
“No, you weren’t only making a point. That was sincere. And I want to know why you think that.”
I think long and hard before I respond. “I don’t do this, Laney.”
“Do what?” she asks, puzzled.
“Do the whole spill-your-guts thing. We aren’t dating. I don’t date really. What I’m offering you is pretty much all I’m capable of.”
“But why? That has to be a choice. You’re smart and charming, you’re driven and competent. You’re funny on occasion.”
I laugh at her qualification. “On occasion, huh? You’re so generous.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“I don’t feel the need to know people very well. And I don’t think they’d want to know me very well, either. So I just avoid that kind of thing.”
“But why? What makes you think you’re so unworthy?”
“A lifetime of living with me, that’s what.”
“Maybe so, but there’s something else, Jake. I’m not stupid. And if you simply don’t want to talk about it, fine. Just know that I don’t know if I’m capable of having this kind of . . . thing with someone I know nothing about.”
It’s my turn to stop. “But you do know me. You’re getting to know me every day. You just said I’m brilliant and witty and charming and drop-dead gorgeous. Not to mention sexy as all hell. What more do you need to know about me? Maybe I’m just not that deep. Maybe there’s only a puddle where you think there’s an ocean.”
She narrows her eyes on me. I can’t imagine what she’s thinking. This part of a woman’s mind is a mystery to me. And I have no problem letting it stay that way. Having feelings about something every two seconds and then obsessing about them for days—that shit’s for the birds.
Finally, she shrugs. “Maybe . . .”
But she’s not fooling me. Not only does she not believe that for a second, but she’s nowhere near letting it go. I can tell by the way she still watches me, like she’s trying to see what’s going on behind my eyes.
“Come on,” I say veering off the path to the left. “I’ve got something to show you.”
She makes no comment, asks no questions. But she follows. That’s how I know she’s still in this. There’s something inside her that wants to pursue this. I just have to give her good reasons not to change her mind.
I hear the roar of it long before it’s within sight. The air smells a little bit different here. Fresher. Cleaner. This is one of my favorite places. Always has been. And it’s the only waterfall in the county.
We step through the trees. The cascade of white water gushing over the rocks and hitting the pool below creates a spray that makes rainbows in the sun. I glance down at Laney. Her eyes are wide and her lips are slightly parted.
Yeah, this was definitely the right place to bring her.
Although it wasn’t my original plan, I can see it was the right choice, all things considered. I don’t normally bring people here and risk spoiling it for me, but in this case . . .
I don’t even know what “this case” really is. It’s not just to get Laney in my bed. I could do that other ways. Maybe it’s to put her mind at ease about me. Maybe it’s to share something of mine, some part of me with her when she so obviously needs it. Anything beyond that, I’d rather not consider. I just want to sleep with her. That’s it. End of story. And that’s the way it has to stay.
It has to.
I could never risk loving someone, much less someone like Laney. She’s actually a nice person. She deserves much better.
“Wow! It’s . . . it’s just . . . wow! Breathtaking.”
“Funny,” I say softly, reaching out to touch her smooth cheek, “that’s just what I was thinking.”
When she looks at me, I know she knows I’m not referring to the waterfall.
“Come on. Let me show you the other view.”
I take off upriver, along the bank. I know there’s a path that cuts through the trees that leads to the top of the fall. There are a couple of tricky spots, especially where it gets rocky and the moss is thick. I turn and offer my hand to Laney, pulling her along safely behind me.
When we reach the top, I carefully walk the exposed rocks over to the center of the river. I stop to look down. I revel in the rush of adrenaline from the height and from seeing the water crashing into the pool below.
I hear Laney gasp beside me. “Oh Lord! That’s a long way down. It doesn’t look that far from the bottom.”
“Nah, it’s not too high.”
She throws me a sidelong glance. “Too high for what?”
I give her my most persuasive grin. “To jump.”
“Have you lost your mind? There’s no way in the world I’m jumping off this thing.”
“Oh, come on. I’ll be down there to catch you.”
“Catch me? Don’t you mean to drag my dead, lifeless body from the water after I drown?”
“Of course that’s not what I mean. If it were dangerous, I’d never suggest you jump. I just think this would be good for you.”
“How, exactly, would risking my life be good for me?”
“You need to let go a little, Laney. I know you want to. You need to take some risks. Be spontaneous. Stop thinking so much. Do some things you wouldn’t normally do. Trust me, when you surface down there, your adrenaline will be all jacked up, and there’s no feeling like it in the world.”
“That’s not the kind of thing I was hoping to achieve.”
“You want to forget. To escape. This will consume you. And sometimes we all need to dive into something else and be lost. Even if it’s just for a little while. It’s worth it, Laney. I promise.”
She leans over and looks down again, nervously worrying her bottom lip. “I don’t know, Jake. That’s a long way down.”
“You’ll be in the water, all safe and sound, in a matter of seconds.”
“My clothes will be ruined,” she says, trying to find reasons not to do it.
“Take them off.”
“I told you I’m not skinny-dipping.”
“This isn’t skinny-dipping. This is more like cliff diving. In the buff. And it’s safer if you aren’t wearing clothes that you could get tangled up in. And certainly not shoes that could weigh you down.”
“So you want me to jump off this thing, naked, and then climb back up here to get my clothes? I think not.”
“Fine,” I say, sighing. “I’ll climb back up here afterward and get them for you. You can watch my bare ass from down there. Maybe you’ll even want to reward me for my heroics.” I waggle my eyebrows at her, trying to lighten the mood, to make her feel less afraid. I don’t want her fear completely gone, though. That’s part of the experience. It’ll heighten what she feels. And that rush . . .
Damn! That rush and the way everything else vanishes is worth almost anything.
She doesn’t say no right away, which tells me that she’ll agree to it. Eventually.
I grab the hem of my T-shirt, pull it over my head, and throw it toward the base of a tree on the bank. I step to a rock nearer the edge of the fall as I take off first one shoe and sock, then the other, tossing it all over to where my shirt landed. When I’m standing at the edge, with the hiss of gushing water at my back, facing Laney, I meet her eyes and grin.
Her gaze is glued to mine, as if she’s trying her best to look at my face rather than what I’m doing with my hands. I open the snap of my shorts. Then I unzip them. I’m not wearing any underwear, so there’s nothing to obstruct her view of me when I step out of my shorts and throw them to the bank.
“See you down there,” I say quietly, smiling when her eyes flicker low and then back up to my face. I see her cheeks burn bright red and I laugh just before I turn around and jump straight over the waterfall.