I squint up at the sky. Irony of ironies, it’s sunny today. “I shouldn’t be given special treatment. I’ll finish my part of the homework and hand it in.”
Joshua processes this. He probably decides it’s is my way of dealing with the grief. “Look, I know this must be hard for you. So if you ever need to talk, well, I’m not a counselor or anything, but I am a friend. You can call me anytime.”
I turn my head to meet his gaze, cold. “Joshua, I don’t care that Maggie died. I watched the life drain from her and I didn’t feel a thing. You don’t need to have the right words, or say anything comforting. I’m fine, I always will be, and nothing is going to change. The world will go on as it always has, no matter who dies. You’d better get used to that.”
I get up and leave him there with his empty words and sad eyes.
“I can’t believe you’re still going to this thing,” Fear hisses in my ear as I guide my truck up Sophia Richardson’s driveway. Looks like everyone is here for the big birthday party. Her house is a couple miles from town, in a wooded area, a big two-story her parents bought before the divorce. As we pull up I see that someone’s started a bonfire and the hot tub is uncovered. Kids are already getting drunk; someone is vomiting into a bush.
“Why wouldn’t I?” I park my truck away from the other cars, between two trees, and kill the engine. Fear vanishes from his seat and appears beside me as I get out. He’s gritting his teeth.
“I think we both know the answer to that,” he says doggedly and tries to stare me down. I brush past him, the proximity to his essence causing the usual frightening images to race through me.
Ignoring this, I start toward the hot tub, which is where most of the kids are. I know Fear will follow me. “Do you want answers or not?” I challenge him, skirting around a loud couple making out in the grass.
He growls as he exhales. “You’re a coward. I know what you’re doing.”
Music makes the ground shake, and a loud laugh rings out. It’s dark, and Sophia has put up some medieval-looking torches. The flames flicker and cast strange shadows everywhere. I make sure not to look at Fear so nothing seems amiss. “What am I doing?” I question him, sounding genuinely curious.
A girl shoves past me, calling out, “Sean! Hey, Sean, over here!” and when I stumble, Fear steadies me. Once I’m upright he tries to make me face him, but I escape his grip and keep walking.
Fear stalks me now. “You never told Maggie Stone how you really felt, and it’s the least of what you owed her,” he snaps. “It’s eating you up inside.”
“And how did I really feel about her?” I ask, surveying the interactions around the hot tub like they really interest me. A few people have brought their swimsuits, and I watch a boy shove a girl into the water. She shrieks in mock outrage. There are many Emotions here tonight, and these kids are consumed by them.
If possible, Fear gets angrier. He disappears and bursts in front of me again. He seizes my shoulders in his zeal to make me see the truth. “We both know that you were affected by that girl’s death,” he insists. “Even though you never gave her anything back, she stayed. Even when all the other kids shied away and hated you, Maggie—a simple human child—loved you. And no matter what you say, I know you loved her back. I saw the way you looked at her in that hospital room.”
“Sometimes you see things that aren’t there, Fear. We both know that, too.” I start to walk away again, but Fear grabs my arm and hauls me back to face him. His eyes burn. As if his touch isn’t making my nothingness twitch, I raise my brows.
“I want you to admit that you care, Elizabeth,” he growls. It’s hard to hear him over the blaring music. “Say it. For once, tell the truth.”
No one sees me standing in the shadows. We’ve made our way past the hot tub and toward the front door. I lift my chin, staring up at Fear. “I may have humored you in the past, but I’m done pretending. From now on, please accept that this is what I am.”
He suddenly smiles, a bitter, sad quirk of the lips. “You know, sometimes you remind me of my kind in the way you act. The same deception, same games.”
This conversation isn’t sensible. Especially here. I look around me, pursing my lips. Do not, under any circumstances, go to Sophia Richardson’s birthday party. The stranger—Rebecca—desperately wanted to hide something about tonight, so all I can do is wait and try to be in the right place at the right time. I head for the backyard.
What about the house? something reminds me.
I jerk around quickly, stopping Fear in his tracks. He scowls. I move to the right and he sidesteps, blocking me.
“Move,” I order before thinking.
He doesn’t react well to being told what to do. He grins at me, lazy and insolent. “Not until you tell me what you know,” he retorts. “We did make a deal, after all. I come with you to this stupid little party and you tell me everything. Well, here I am.”
I dart around him and continue walking toward the house. “You know, if you’re so detached from it all,” Fear says, following me again, “why are you looking for the truth? Why bother at all?”
“Well, well, well. Look who decided to crash the party.”
Sophia, arms crossed, glares at me. I’ve wandered onto the lawn without realizing it, in full view of everyone. Sophia has a tiny army behind her—three girls all decked out in miniskirts and high heels.
“Happy birthday,” I say to her, expressionless. Fear is cold at my back.
Sophia’s eyes bulge out of her head now and Anger is suddenly standing beside her, looking bored. “You seem to bring me to this town quite often, human,” he says to me. “You have a negative effect on this place.”
As do you, I almost counter. I don’t seem to have good control of my impulses tonight.
Sophia steps closer, her silly high heels sinking into the soil. The torchlight makes her face an ominous orange. “I didn’t invite you here, freak,” she hisses at me. “If you don’t leave, I’m going to kick your ass.”
“You can try.” I don’t back down.
Fear laughs. “Hit her. I dare you,” he says to me.
Sophia actually shoves me. Caught off guard, I stumble back, and she laughs. She has a reputation to maintain in front of our peers. “I didn’t invite you for a reason.” She takes a step closer, menace in the movement. “Because you’re not normal.”
Everyone’s paying attention to us now, and some kids start cheering. Encouraged, Sophia lifts her hands to shove me again, but I need to keep searching. Rebecca wouldn’t mention this party for no reason, and I want to walk the entire property. I grab Sophia’s wrists as she reaches for me, and before she can wrench herself free, I throw her to the ground with unexpected ease. Sophia screams as she rolls through the wet grass. There are scattered laughs though the crowd.
“If you’re normal, then maybe it’s a good thing I’m different,” I tell Sophia in a mild tone. I step over her and sidestep her swiping nails.
“I’m going to kill you!” she swears, eyes blazing. She’s cradling one of her arms. I turn my back.
The entire party has encircled this little tête-à-tête, and though most move aside for me to pass, one person stays where he is. He stares like he’s never seen me before. I offer Joshua a wry smile, showing him that this is really who I am, not the perfect girl he’s made me out to be. Why did he come?
To see you, that voice in my head whispers.
It doesn’t matter.
“Elizabeth?” Joshua watches me walk by but doesn’t reach out. Fear pats his shoulder, mockingly sympathetic. “Let her go, boy. She’s a mess.” Joshua doesn’t hear or see him, of course, but he does frown, sensing something off about me and the air around us.