He patted my back. “Not tonight, babe. So tired.”
Don’t be boring. Be fiery. Even though I wasn’t really feeling it, I reached between his legs to encourage him a little and he jumped, pulling away from me. “Hey. Not tonight, OK? I said I’m too tired.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Feeling rebuffed, I turned away from him, reached out and switched off the lamp, then got back under the covers. Dan started snoring right away, but I lay on my back for a while, staring at the ceiling.
This was not the rekindling of desire I’d hoped for. On the contrary, it was awkward and embarrassing, and it forced me to take a good hard look at the truth.
Something was off.
Something had been off for a long time.
• • •
After work the next day, I went home and took a two-hour nap. I’d felt like the walking dead since my alarm went off, going through the motions of my work day without speaking any more than necessary, and nearly dozing off ten different times. The moment I got home, I collapsed onto my bed fully clothed. Facedown, I slept hard, and I woke up to the sound of my cell phone ringing. It was Dan.
We hadn’t spoken at all yet. I’d gotten up and left for the shop without waking him, and he hadn’t called me from work. The shower thing had been bothering me all day, because the only explanation that made any sense at all—that he’d been with another woman—was so unpalatable.
It’s not that I was mad—I couldn’t really blame him for spoiling my seduction scene, since he hadn’t known about it in the first place, and by one-thirty in the morning, I was tired too. Still, I’d been willing to have a go at it, and it rankled a bit that he hadn’t even been interested in trying. He was twenty-seven, for heaven’s sake! Weren’t guys his age supposed to be ready to go all the time? I bet Miles never turns a woman down because he’s tired. In fact, all day long, I’d been shoving the image of him and that bartender out of my head. I had no idea why it bothered me so much—I’d been reading about his sex life for years without being envious or judgmental. But now it felt different.
Frowning, I rolled onto my back and accepted the call. “Hello?”
“Hey, babe.”
“Hi.”
“You about ready?”
For a second I was confused, and then I remembered we were having dinner with Skylar and Sebastian tonight. “Oh, crap. I forgot. I’ve been asleep for two hours.”
“Want to bail on dinner? I’m tired too.”
“No.” I sat up and ran a hand through my hair. “We can’t do that. Just pick me up in twenty. I can get ready fast.”
“OK.”
I pinned up my hair and quickly jumped in the shower, the warm water reviving me a bit. As I soaped, I thought about Miles’s fingertips on my tattoo last night, and felt an unwelcome pull in my stomach. Jeez, Miles, get out of my head already! But as I dried myself off, I wondered what he’d done today and what he was up to tonight. Did he have other friends in town? Would he see Jamie again? Would he spend the night in alone? I entertained a brief fantasy of us just hanging out on the couch watching TV together before getting mad at myself.
Stop thinking about him, and don’t even bring his name up tonight. You’ve got enough to deal with in your relationship without adding any jealous tension. Forcing Miles from my thoughts, I chose a black sundress and sandals from my closet, and had just enough time after putting them on to shake out my hair and put on a little makeup. Dan knocked just as I was tucking a few things into a small purse, and I grabbed my keys on the way out the door.
“Hey,” he said, kissing my cheek. “You look great.”
“Thanks. So do you.” Dan always looked good in a suit. I liked the way his big shoulders filled out a jacket, although he always complained it made finding the right size difficult. Built totally different than Miles, I thought, foiling my plan to stop thinking about him. Both have nice, athletic bodies, but Miles has a leaner frame. A soccer player’s body, not a linebacker’s.
On our way to the restaurant, I noticed Dan kept biting one of his thumbnails, which he did when he was nervous about something. He wasn’t talking much, either. Maybe he’s embarrassed about last night. “Everything OK?” I asked.
He dropped his hand to the wheel. “Sure. Why?”
“I don’t know. You seem worried or something. You’re so quiet.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Glancing at me, he made an attempt at a smile, but it was pretty weak. “I’m just tired.”
I groaned. “Me too. I stayed up too late.” I was hoping he’d take the chance to say something about last night, even make a joke, but he didn’t. Eyes on the road, he drove the rest of the way in silence, his thumbnail finding its way back to his lips.
He seemed like his usual self during dinner, conversing with Sebastian about sports and politics and a few mutual acquaintances while Skylar babbled nonstop to me about the wedding. She’d completed her bridal registry that afternoon, and was all excited about the china pattern she’d chosen.
“I don’t know where she thinks we’re going to keep all those dishes.” Sebastian shook his head. “I’m going to have to build a second cabin on the property just to house our wedding gifts.”
“Oh, stop. It’s not that much stuff. We’re only having a hundred or so guests anyway. It’s not like it’s a giant affair.”
That had surprised me, actually. Jillian too. We’d both imagined Skylar would want nothing short of an epic bash when she got married since she’d always adored a big production, especially if she was the star. But she was really trying hard to keep things more intimate. Mia Fournier, the woman Skylar worked for at the winery, had previously been a wedding planner, and the two of them were in their glory planning this event. Apparently it was going to be photographed for a spread in a wine magazine, so every detail had to be perfect. I had no doubt it would be—when it came time for my wedding, I hoped Skylar would help me plan it too.
If I ever have a wedding. I looked over at Dan, who was cutting a piece of New York Strip and asking Sebastian about his truck. “I’m thinking of getting one like that,” he said.
I blinked at him. “You’re selling the Mustang?”
“No. I’d keep that and use the truck for more work-related stuff.”
“I didn’t know you were thinking of doing that.” A new truck would be expensive. Where would he find the money?
He shrugged. “I haven’t decided anything yet.”
I dropped my eyes to my plate of salmon and asparagus and said nothing, but from my left I felt Skylar staring at me.
After dinner plates had been cleared and we’d ordered coffee and dessert, she stood. “Nat, come to the bathroom with me.”
“OK.” I picked up my purse and followed her back to the ladies lounge. We each used a stall, and then stood washing our hands next to one another. In the mirror, I could tell she was looking at me strangely. “What?”
“I was about to ask you that,” she said, taking a towel from a basket on the vanity and drying her hands. “You’ve been acting weird all night, and it’s obvious there’s tension between you and Dan. Is it the house?”
“What about the house?”
“I keep thinking you want him to move in and he’s putting it off for some reason. The money excuse sounds kinda flimsy to me, especially since he’s talking about buying an expensive new truck.”
I sighed. “It’s not the house. You know what, I don’t even care that he’s not making plans to move in. Which is part of the problem—I should care. I should want him to live with me, and I feel completely ambivalent about it.”
“Then is it Miles?”
I coughed. “Miles Haas?” I said, like it was the most absurd thing she’d ever said.
“Yeah.” She put the towel in the hamper and took her lipstick from her purse. “I ran into him today at the grocery store. He said he’d seen you last night.”