“We had a beer and some food at the Jolly Pumpkin, that’s all.” I hated how defensive I sounded. “Why should that cause tension?”
My sister rolled her eyes. “Because he’s always had a thing for you and Dan knows it.”
“What?” I screeched, throwing my towel in the hamper. “That’s ridiculous. Miles and I have never had a thing.”
I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.
“I didn’t say you guys had a thing, I said he’s always had a thing for you.” She capped the lipstick and rubbed her lips together. “At least, I always thought he did. I was surprised you two never hooked up.”
“I’ve always been with Dan,” I said, unhappy with the way my heart was skipping beats at the thought of hooking up with Miles. It was too late for this.
I think no one will ever be good enough for you, and all I want to do right now is kiss you.
“I’d never cheat on Dan,” I went on, as much for my benefit as for hers. “And besides, you’re crazy. Miles doesn’t have a thing for me. He’s just a flirt.”
Well, that’s not all I want to do. But it’s a start.
Skylar raised her eyebrows. “If you say so. But I saw the look on his face when he was talking about you today.”
“What look? What did he say about me?” For someone who just denied any kind of thing with Miles, I knew I sounded way too eager, but I couldn’t help it.
“He was going on about how awesome the shop is, how proud you should be, how good you are at everything you do, from baking to managing to taking pictures.” Looking at herself in the mirror, she played with her hair and fussed with an earring. “And he said you two met up last night and had a really nice time.”
“We did.” I took my lip gloss from my purse and applied it with shaky fingers, staring at my mouth in the mirror instead of my pink cheeks and guilty eyes. A very nice time. Too nice. I wish I was hanging out with him again tonight, and I feel horrible about it. “But we’re just old friends who don’t get to see each other often enough. That’s all.”
“So what’s with Dan, then? I know there’s something.”
I put the lip gloss back in my purse and faced her. “Honestly, something is wrong there, but I can’t figure out what it is. And I’m scared.” My eyes filled unexpectedly, and I fanned at them.
She pulled me over to a small chaise in the powder room adjacent to the bathroom. “Come here. Sit. Talk.”
“We have to go back to the table,” I said, fighting off the tears. “And it’s probably nothing. I’m just so tired.”
“Talk. We’re not going back until you do.” She folded her arms. “I’m the big sister, and I say so.”
Sniffing, I laughed a little. “It’s dumb, really. After hanging out with Miles yesterday—you know how he is—I started to feel like Dan and I needed a little boost in the sex department.”
“The sex department?” She wrinkled her nose. “What’s that about?”
I played with the hem on my dress. “It’s been a couple months, that’s all.”
“A couple months?” Skylar was dumbfounded. “Why?”
“We’ve just been busy and tired a lot, I guess. I don’t know. And we’ve been together so long, we don’t feel the urge as much as you guys do.”
“No one does,” she said seriously. “We are animals.”
I sighed again, louder. Why couldn’t I be animals with someone? “So I went over there with the idea of surprising him.” I told her what happened and watched her expression change. “What’s that face you’re making?” I asked, scared to hear the answer.
“Why would he need to shower again? Did he have to wash someone’s sex stink off?” Skylar still hadn’t forgiven Dan for last summer’s transgressions.
I winced. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying not to think about that.”
She harrumphed. “And what about after he came to bed? Did you do it?”
“No. He said he was too tired.”
“You tried? And he turned you down?”
I nodded, feeling pathetic and helpless. “I didn’t try very hard. But yeah. He went right to sleep. And you know what, I wasn’t even that disappointed—I was more confused than anything else.”
Skylar’s eyes narrowed. “Something is off.”
“I thought the exact same thing.”
“It could be nothing, Nat. Maybe it was just late and he was tired. But something is up. With you, too, and you guys need to talk about it.”
“Me?” I put a hand on my chest. “Why do you say that?”
“Because I know you, and you are not acting like yourself. Maybe it’s this thing with Dan, maybe it’s Miles Haas, mayb—“
“It’s not Miles Haas.” Irritated, I stood up. “It’s just a little rocky patch, nothing Dan and I can’t work through. We’ve done it before. I’m not giving up.”
Skylar stood up too, her expression dubious. “If you say so. But Nat, I hope you’re not sticking with him or with a dead relationship just because you’ve put so much time in. It’s not giving up if you’re unhappy.”
“I know that. I’ll figure it out.” We went back to the table, and Dan held out my chair. When he took his seat again, he smiled at me, and I reached for his hand, making a promise to myself. I’ll make a bigger effort to rekindle things with us. I will put Miles Haas out of my head and focus on the solid commitment Dan and I have and the plans we’ve made.
If only I felt more excited about it.
We said goodbye to Skylar and Sebastian, and drove back to the house. “Come on in,” I said as he pulled into the drive. “I have a bottle of wine we can open.”
“Actually, I’m really tired, Nat.” He yawned with perfect timing. “I think I’m just gonna head home.”
I stared at him, open-mouthed, and finally cracked. “What’s going on, Dan? Why are you so tired all the time, and why do I feel like you’re avoiding me?”
“I’m not,” he said feebly.
“Well, that’s what it feels like. We haven’t had sex in months! Why don’t you want to? Is it me? Is there someone else? Just be honest, please.” I was surprised the tears that threatened to spill over in the bathroom earlier didn’t make an appearance. I actually felt more angry than anything else. “I’d rather know the truth.”
“It’s not you, it’s just—” Dan ran a hand over his chin. “It’s me. And it’s you. It’s us.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Dan sighed. “I hate it when you swear.”
“Too fucking bad. Now what it is?”
He turned to face me. “OK, I feel like we’ve been together for so long, and now we’re talking marriage, and…” He struggled with what to say next.
“And what? You don’t want to get married? You fucked someone else last night? You don’t love me anymore? Just say it, Dan!”
“No, of course I love you.” He took my left hand and looked down at it. “I love you, Nat, I do. You’re the perfect woman. And I want us to get engaged—eventually.”
“Eventually?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Yeah, but not right away. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. We’re only twenty-six and twenty-seven, you know? And we’ve only ever been with each other.” He flicked a nervous glance at me. “So before we commit to marriage, maybe we should…take a break from each other.”
“A break?” I gaped at him and yanked my hand away. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Just step back a little. Spend some time apart, be free to see other people.”
“So you did fuck someone else last night.” I shook my head, tears of humiliation burning my eyes. “Oh, God. And then I tried to—”
“Natalie—”
“Please just admit it.” I looked him in the eye. “Be a fucking man, and admit it.”