He swallowed. “Fine.”
I felt an inexplicable rush of relief, followed by anger when he spoke again.
“That’s why I think the break will be good for us. I think we need this time to really be sure we’re right for one another.”
“I think you’re fucking insane. This is not how it works. Either we’re together or we’re not. And right now, I think not.” Opening the door, I elbowed my way out of the car and slammed it shut. Dan jumped out as I was stomping my way to the front door.
“Natalie, wait!” He ran up and grabbed my arm, forcing me to face him. “I don’t want this to be the end of us. I just want some time to breathe. We’ve been together for so long. Don’t you ever feel like you want some space for yourself? See who you are when you’re not just half of Dan and Natalie?”
“No,” I said through clenched teeth, although hearing him say that made something start ticking in my brain. “Because I like being part of a couple! It’s never occurred to me that I would need time and space away from that. From the person I’ve spent ten years of my life being devoted to. The person I thought loved me the same way.” But even as I said it, I felt kind of horrible because a truly devoted girlfriend would probably not spend as much time today as I did thinking about Miles Haas naked. Was Dan right? Did we need to step back instead of forward, make sure what we were planning was right? But it had to be right! We’d put ten years of time and effort into this!
“I do love you. It’s not about that.” Frustrated, Dan let go of me and fidgeted with his keys. “But I need to do this, Natalie. Or I’ll always feel trapped.”
I stuck my hands on my hips. “Fine. You go do what you need to do.” I lifted my chin as my eyes finally filled, because I saw this for what it was, even if Dan didn’t. “But I won’t be waiting around for you once you’re done with your alone time or your other people or whatever.”
He pressed his lips together. “Don’t say that. This isn’t the end, Nat.”
“Goodnight, Dan.” Without another word, I marched to the door and let myself in. Slamming it behind me, I locked it and went straight for the booze.
Unbelievable! I thought, as I pulled the top off the vodka. A few tears fell as I poured myself a generous shot, slammed it, and then another. Sniffing, I swiped at my eyes with the back of one hand, my mind a swirling mass of confusion, anger, hurt, dread.
How dare he think he can treat me this way! How dare he fuck someone else and let me sleep in his bed? And how long has he known he was going to do this! He should have been honest from the start. I feel like a complete fool!
I slammed a third shot, and somewhere from underneath all the turmoil in my head sprang a little well of relief. Finally, the truth was out there. Things weren’t perfect between Dan and me, and I didn’t have to go on pretending they were. I didn’t have to wonder why the sex wasn’t passionate. I didn’t have to worry that something was wrong with me. Because there wasn’t! I was hot, dammit! Maybe I wasn’t as gorgeous as Skylar or as thin as Jillian, but I had some nice assets of my own. Miles said my buns were amazing.
Miles.
My blood warmed at the thought of him. Or maybe it was the vodka.
But Miles wanted me, right? Miles would never turn me down.
I took another swig of vodka, right from the bottle. Little seeds of want planted themselves inside me.
I want to kiss Miles.
I want his hands on me.
I want to touch him everywhere.
I watered the seeds with more vodka, and they multiplied.
I want to hear him say he wants me.
I want to see him lose control over me.
I want to feel him inside me.
I tipped back the bottle again and admitted to myself what I’d been denying for two days.
I want to fuck Miles.
And now I can.
After one final shot for courage, I grabbed my phone, ordered myself an Uber, and punched in Miles’s address. In the five minutes I had before the car arrived, I used the bathroom, changed from my usual plain underwear into something with lace, and brushed my teeth. What I didn’t do was think too hard about the actual act of seduction.
Whatever. I’d wing it.
My stomach was jumping with nerves, so I took one more swallow of vodka, grimacing as it burned its way down my esophagus. When I saw headlights in the driveway, I bolted out the door, pulling it shut behind me. The booze hit me as I hurried toward the car, but I managed to stay on two feet and get myself into the back seat.
On the ride to Miles’s, I texted him.
Hey are you home?
The reply came immediately. Yes. Writing tonight. What’s up?
Yay! I’m coming over!!!
Should I put on the gimp suit?
I snorted. That’s funny you’re funny I like you.
WTF are you drunk?
Cackling with glee, I tossed my phone back in my purse. Miles was hilarious. And cute and smart and sweet and he did have a thing for me, didn’t he? He wanted me, right? And when he saw me in my underwear, he wouldn’t be able to resist me. Not like Dan. “Asshole,” I muttered, right before another hiccup.
“I’m sorry?” said my driver.
“Nothing.” Dang it, weren’t we there yet? I was coming out of my skin with excitement, bouncing around in the backseat like a puppy. This was the best plan ever!
Finally, the big old house came into view, and my heart beat quicker when I saw the light on in Miles’s bedroom window and the living room. “Thanks,” I yelled, jumping out of the car before it even came to a complete stop. I ran up the front steps and banged on the big wooden door. Miles pulled it open, and before he could say anything, I lunged for him, smashing my mouth against his and throwing my arms around his neck.
I knocked him backward about five feet, his heels hit the bottom step of the staircase, and he went down on his ass. I ended up straddling him, one knee on either side of his legs, which I thought was perfect. Congratulating myself on the excellent choreography, I wiggled my hips a little.
“Natalie…what the hell?” Miles tried to pry my face off his. His glasses had been knocked askew, but he looked absolutely delicious. His hair was messier than usual, and he hadn’t shaved in a few days, so his scruff was more like a beard. Dan was always clean-shaven, so kissing Miles felt totally different and thrilling. I’m kissing Miles! Finally! Nine years of suppressed desire bubbled to the surface.
“I want you to fuck me, Miles,” I breathed, right before a hiccup. “And you want to.”
“What?” His voice cracked, and he adjusted his glasses. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, crazypants, what is this?”
“This is fire.” I planted sloppy, drunken kisses across his face. “Hey, your beard is softer than I spected. Ex-spested. Expected.” I rubbed my face on his jaw.
Miles laughed uneasily, pressing me back by the shoulders. “What have you been drinking tonight, Jezebel?”
“Wine. And vodka.” Biting my lip, I reached beneath his t-shirt and ran my hands up his sides. “Take this off. I wanna see you naked.”
“Oh, Jesus.” He grabbed my wrists and held them away from his body. “What is with you? Where’s Dan?”
I pouted. “I don’t want to talk about that asshole.”
“Why?”
“Because. He doesn’t want to have sex with me.”
Miles looked incredulous. “He doesn’t?”
“No. But you do. You’re always talking about it.” I tried to lean over and kiss him again, but he held me off, so I bounced on him a little, riding him like a kid on a merry-go-round pony.
“For fuck’s sake, Natalie, will you stop it? Just wait a second.” Somehow, he got to his feet and set me on mine, then went behind me to shut the front door, which was still wide open. When he paused with his hand on the handle, probably trying to gather his wits, I launched myself at his back, wrapping my arms and legs around him. Burying my face in the crook of his neck, I inhaled deeply.