‘No, I’m the nurse, remember? I took your blood pressure earlier.’ He positioned himself behind the wheelchair. ‘Shouldn’t I help you back into the lounge? Then you can watch TV before dinner or enjoy the view outside.’
The old man’s sinewy neck cracked when he attempted to turn his head around to look at the nurse, but he could only move it far enough for one eye to briefly meet his gaze. His expression was one of doubt and mistrust, but the young man had long grown used to this from very elderly patients. These people were from a different time when nurses had all been female. In any case, his number was diminishing, and the nurse had never been offended by their suspicion or let it get on his nerves. Sometime in the distant future he would probably be sitting in an advanced version of the same wheelchair, looking with yellowed eyes at new, changed times that he didn’t understand. He rolled the man’s chair into the lounge and positioned him so that he could choose between watching television or gazing at the life that passed by outside without him.
The duty room was in order, so it wasn’t the tidying or finishing up of paperwork that had been bothering him. A medical record rested on the table and he picked it up to put it back in its place. No one could say that he left his work behind for the next shift. The file fell open and a piece of paper slipped out. He grabbed it as it fell and at the same time as he noticed the female handwriting he realized what he had forgotten; he didn’t need to read what was written there to remember it. He had forgotten to call a developmental therapist to speak to the poor young girl in Room 7, as his colleague Svava on the evening shift had requested. He hurriedly dialled the internal number, but there was no answer. That was not a good sign. It was almost four o’clock and developmental therapists didn’t provide round-the-clock service. Damn it.
There was nothing for it but to pay the girl a visit and see whether he could do anything himself. As far as he knew, no doctor was expected until after his shift ended and in any case there was no guarantee that a doctor would be able to accomplish any more than he could. He would at least have to try to communicate with the girl so that he could mention this at the shift change later – if in fact there really was a problem. The note had mentioned a rapid heart rate and anxiety that might have been due to a nightmare, but it was necessary to find out whether something preventable was troubling the girl. It was extremely tricky to deal with patients who communicated with difficulty or not at all; only they could describe the majority of their symptoms, which made any diagnosis a thousand times more difficult than usual, if not impossible. This girl was the worst example of this problem that he had ever encountered, and the department was not properly equipped to handle these kinds of cases. So he couldn’t rely on previous experience to communicate with her, and he had to admit to himself that he’d spent as little time with her as he could get away with. There was something about her complete lack of mobility that disturbed him. He hoped for her sake that he was alone in feeling this way, but deep down he knew that this wasn’t the case.
Inside the room a faint beeping sounded from the EKG machine, which the girl had been hooked up to after the incident yesterday evening. The day’s readings had already been collected for the doctor, who would look in on her after dinner. Someone else would have to go over the information that was currently trickling out, but for the moment he was grateful for the monitor because the diligent needle that moved continuously across the paper showed that there was still life in the girl. There was hardly any other evidence to confirm this; her slender body lay virtually motionless beneath the blanket and you had to concentrate to notice the feeble movement of her chest, which barely moved when she breathed. The girl stared up at the ceiling and appeared not to have noticed his arrival, though he knew that she could hear perfectly well.
‘Hi, Ragna, how are you doing?’ He walked up to her and took her pale, bony hand. A needle had been inserted into a cannula in the back of it and he suspected that half the weight that now rested in his palm belonged to its pink plastic casing and the large bandage that held it in place. The bandage must have been bound round the cannula as automatic procedure, because there was no risk of the girl bumping her hand or knocking the needle against things that she touched. Her hand didn’t move unless it was moved. He stroked her hand carefully around the edge of the plastic, knowing that she had full feeling. What an awful, awful existence.
The girl’s eyes moved and she blinked. He leaned closer to her and smiled. ‘I have a confession to make: I forgot to ask for a therapist to come and speak to you today. But I promise I won’t forget again, and you can tell me off if he doesn’t come and see you tomorrow. First thing in the morning.’ He smiled again, overcome by how unreal she seemed. A life-size, living doll that couldn’t move. He continued to smile but now his smile was sad, even though it was meant to cheer her up. Of course, the girl couldn’t return the smile, and instead just stared at him with her big, frightened eyes. He wasn’t sure why he felt that her eyes were fearful; maybe because her gaze reminded him of a sick kitten that he’d once cradled in a feeble attempt to play veterinarian at the request of the middle-aged woman in the next-door apartment. She’d come to him because she knew that he worked at a hospital and asked him to take a look at the little scrap, which was sickly and hot. He had protested and explained that he knew nothing about animals, but to little avail. Still, it hadn’t been the opinion of his neighbour that had bothered him, but the eyes of the kitten, staring at him as its heart beat erratically in its tiny breast. The poor thing had realized that it depended entirely on the man who had it in his grasp; he could throw the creature down, crush it or cuddle it – as he did, of course. The girl was in the same situation; she was so helpless that her entire existence depended on others. If they didn’t nourish her, give her water, care, and everything else that a person needed, her days would be numbered. It must have been a terrible feeling, especially in a new place where she knew no one.
‘Are you expecting any visitors this evening? Your mother or father?’ They at least could make contact with the girl, even if most of the staff couldn’t do so. She blinked twice and he knew that meant no. They hadn’t been taught more than yes and no, any more than they’d been taught sign language when a deaf person was admitted.
‘I’ll let the evening shift know that they should ask you how you feel, whether you’re in any pain. Okay?’ She blinked once. ‘Are you in pain?’ She blinked twice but he was no nearer to knowing how she really felt. Her parents would have to get more information out of her, preferably about exactly what was wrong. He got goose bumps on his arms as once again he couldn’t help thinking about how it would feel to live only in your mind, your body a lifeless shell.
To prevent her from noticing how uncomfortable he suddenly felt in her presence, he quickly turned his back to her and pretended to be checking the IV drip. ‘Maybe you want to watch TV? There are movies until six on the hospital channel and I’m sure there’d be something you’d enjoy.’ He bent down to tilt her up in bed slightly, then fastened her securely beneath her arms with a specially designed harness, to prevent her from slipping back down. He pulled the television closer, turned it on and switched to the movie channel. On the screen appeared two American actors he recognized, although he didn’t know their names. He didn’t know which movie it was and could only hope she would like it. ‘There you are. My shift is almost finished, but I’ll see you tomorrow morning.’
He turned in the doorway to look back at her. Up until then he had avoided her gaze, and he was startled to see that she was now following him with her eyes and blinking at him over and over. ‘See you tomorrow.’ He went into the corridor, half ashamed for not going back in. She probably had something on her mind but he felt so uncomfortable in her presence that he didn’t trust himself to try to ask her what it was. What was left of his shift would be put to better use writing a note to her parents. They could speak to her and find out what was bothering her. Once he had decided on this, he felt a bit better.