I wait a few minutes before finally getting out of the truck and joining the others.
Memphis instantly walks over and pulls me in for a hug, wrapping his arms around my head. “She’s good, bro. She’s happy and healthy. Remember that.”
I slap his shoulder and squeeze it before pulling away. “I know, man. I’m just picturing her smile.”
Memphis smiles and grips both of my shoulders. “I love that woman’s smile. You were the lucky asshole that got her dimples. Lucky dick . . .”
Lyric pulls Memphis away and forces her way in between us. “My turn. Come here, Alex.” She pulls me in for a tight hug and kisses my cheek. “It’s good to see you.” She leans in next to my ear and talks quietly. “I want to talk to you for a minute.”
I look over Lyric’s shoulder and see Memphis standing next to Tripp with his arm around her shoulder. It makes me happy to see how close they’ve grown since he’s gotten out of prison. That’s another reason why I can’t fuck this all up. “What’s up?”
Grabbing my hand, she pulls me away so that we can talk privately. “I’m going to give you some advice and I hope you take it. Listen to me, Alex. I love you like a brother. You know that, right?”
I nod my head. “Yeah . . . of course. I love you too, girl.”
My heart starts racing as she glances back over at Tripp. I know where this conversation is headed and I’m not sure that I can handle it right now. I’m already confused as shit.
“You love her, Alex. I can see it in everything that you do.”
I nod my head. “Of course I do. That girl is everything to me. I breathe for her, but that’s no secret.”
She gives me a hard look and grabs my chin, forcing me to look her in the eyes. “Tell me what the hell you’re going to do about that.”
“What the fuck am I supposed to do, Lyric? She’s my best fucking friend. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not ruining thirteen years of friendship if it doesn’t work out. I can’t do that shit.”
“After thirteen years you still question if it could work out? Make her yours before someone else does. That’s what you do about it. Do you want to see her with someone else? Like really see her. . . . Do you want Lucas to keep her to himself?”
“Fuck no.” I clench my jaw in anger just thinking about Lucas touching her. “That motherfucker doesn’t deserve her. Who enjoys sleeping with other women when they have a girl like Tripp? Don’t even get me started on him right now.”
“I know that, Alex. You don’t have to tell me. I hear things. I know things. Every time that I talk to that woman she tells me how much she cares for you, how you made her smile that day, or that you made her breakfast . . . washed her apron, or whatever else you do for her. You’re a good man, Alex. That woman lives to fucking make you happy and you live to make her happy. That’s the only kind of true love there is. It wins out over everything. What you two have is the only relationship that will work.”
She grabs the back of my head and places her forehead to mine. “It’s time to cross that line and show her how you truly feel. You’re important to me. I don’t want to see you miserable, and I know for a fact that if you two don’t speak up fast . . . that’s what you’ll be. Don’t make me watch that, Alex. I need you happy. Memphis needs you happy. He worries about you.”
Her words shake me up and I find myself staring at Tripp as she leans into Memphis’ shoulder to cry. Fuck, it makes my heart ache. The only thing I can think about is getting to her as fast as I can and comforting her. I live to comfort her.
“Shit . . . I gotta take care of her. We’ll talk later.”
Walking up behind Tripp, I pull her away from Memphis and bury her against my chest. “It’s okay, baby. Let it out.”
“I miss her. I miss seeing you two together.” She sniffles and wipes her face across my shirt. “You were always so happy when you were with her . . . and Memphis.” She starts crying harder. “He didn’t even get to be there for her last days. I don’t know . . . It’s just hitting me hard. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t ever be sorry for crying for my family. Don’t ever be ashamed to cry in front of me. I want to see every side of you. I want it all,” I say, being completely honest, and hoping that she doesn’t figure out in which way I mean that.
She looks up from my chest a few seconds later and reaches out to wipe away my single tear. She’s bawling her eyes out, yet she’s worried about my one tear over her face that is now pouring enough to create a puddle.
Fuuuck . . . I love you. I’m in fucking love with you.
I want to say it aloud so damn bad, but stop myself before I do. She’s already emotional enough, and I can’t bear the thought of adding to it.
“Can we sit here for a while?”
I lean in and kiss under both of her wet eyes. “Absolutely.”
Sitting down, I pull her down with me, positioning her between my legs and wrapping my arms around her. She leans her head back on my shoulder and we sit like this for a while, not speaking. We don’t need to in this moment.
Memphis and Lyric stand beside us, holding each other for as long as they can before they have to say goodbye. Lyric makes sure to give me that look, before jumping into Memphis’ car and driving off.
Tripp and I stay for another hour, just holding each other and remembering the good times. In this moment I love this woman more than the world. Even if I don’t ever tell her I’m going to hold onto this feeling, in this exact moment, for the rest of my life.
This woman has always been my something for the pain, and losing her will feel like dying . . .
AFTER LEAVING THE CEMETERY I called Dax to tell him that I wouldn’t be making it into work today. It’s the first time that I’ve called off, and I honestly don’t regret it. Dax has worked my ass off over the last week and I deserve a little time off, dammit. I want my time with Alex, especially since it could be ending soon. Alex will always come first to me and I don’t care what anyone says. Today was more than worth it.
We spent a couple of hours this morning at Tara’s house, visiting my aunt before she had to run off to work. She made sure to put Alex to work before making us her special brownies and telling us about some guy named Lance she met last week at work. She tried to pretend he was nobody special, but she let it slip that she’s hoping he noticed her new and hip haircut.
Alex made sure to compliment her about fifteen times on her new do before we left, sending her off to work in the best mood I’ve possibly ever seen her in over the course of my damn life.
After leaving my aunt’s we spent the next few hours hanging out in Alex’s room while he sat back on his special chair and played the guitar, singing random songs that I would yell out at him. Watching him play brought a smile to my face, reminding me of a time before things got complicated. He looked so happy and at peace sitting there with that guitar in his arms that I never wanted to pull him out of the zone he was in; but of course, in typical Alex fashion, when he noticed me getting tired he pulled me onto his bed, buried me into his chest, and we both somehow fell asleep while talking about his mom and brother back when things were happy and good. It made me sad to never get to see them that way.
It’s now well past six and I wake up to an empty bed, feeling somewhat lost that Alex somehow managed to slip away from me. Apparently . . . it’s that easy. That reminder is unsettling.
I sit up and run my hands over my face, before groaning when a sick feeling hits me. I always feel like crap after waking from a nap. It’s like the little bit of sleep that I get is just a tease for my body and now my body is being a bitch about it. It’s such a shitty feeling.