“This is no place for a first kiss,” Jace said, gesturing to the grey landscape of the parking lot. “You could come home with me, meet the cat.”
“Not on the first date,” Ben smiled.
“Nothing has to happen,” Jace said easily.
“Trust me,” Ben grinned, “if I get you somewhere private, something will happen.”
“Well, well! I guess that means I get to see you again?”
“How about Thursday?” Ben offered. Sooner would have been fine, but he felt it best to play a little hard to get.
“It’s a deal,” Jace agreed. “Look, I’m kissing you tonight, but I refuse to do it here. Just follow me in your car for a minute and I promise I’ll let you go home afterwards.”
“Okay.”
Jace led him out of the parking garage and two blocks down the road before pulling over at a park. It wasn’t the sort with trees and charming pathways; rather it was flat and cleared for different sporting events.
“Are you sure about this?” Ben asked as he exited the car.
“No,” Jace responded looking around. “I’m improvising. Over there.”
Jace took him by the hand and led him across the grass to a baseball diamond. Ben thought they were heading for the bleachers, but Jace led him instead to one of the bases.
“First base?” Ben asked. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“I assure you,” Jace said dramatically, pulling Ben close, “I’m quite serious.”
Jace kissed him, his warm body chasing away the winter chill as it pressed up against him. His lips were soft but commanding, and Ben’s body responded instantly, catching fire and wanting more.
“Second base is just over there,” Ben suggested.
“Not on the first date,” Jace said with a smile, gently detaching himself and walking Ben back to his car. Ben watched him in the rearview mirror as he pulled away, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to wait three days to see him again.
* * * * *
Jace’s answering machine dutifully took Ben’s call the next afternoon. Afterwards Ben loitered around his parents’ house, waiting for the phone to ring. Why had he played so hard to get? He was only in town a few weeks. He didn’t have time to be coy with Jace.
In the evening Ben left to have dinner with Allison, leaving her number with his parents and asking them to give it to Jace if he called. Ben found his best friend in surprisingly high spirits. He suspected she still had a great amount of sorrow beneath the surface, but was proud of her for putting on a brave face. He filled her in on the date’s details while enjoying Allison’s homemade lasagna.
The phone rang shortly after eleven. Allison answered it, smiled broadly, and handed the receiver to Ben.
“Hope I didn’t call too late,” Jace said, sounding tired.
“Not at all,” Ben replied, worrying that the other man’s enthusiasm for him had waned.
“I’m afraid I have to cancel our date,” Jace continued. “I was called in to work today.”
“I thought you were on vacation?”
“I was supposed to be. There have been a number of ‘mysterious’ holiday-inspired illnesses, and I have to pick up the slack. I’m calling from Boston right now.”
“That sucks. When are you going to be home again?”
“Friday afternoon. Do you have any plans for New Year’s?”
“Uh, I don’t know.” Ben looked at Allison. He didn’t want to leave her alone on a holiday considering the situation. Then again, would she really feel like partying so soon? “New Year’s?” he repeated, asking both Jace and Allison at the same time.
Allison rolled her eyes, smiled, and waved her consent. Ben knew her well enough to tell that she honestly didn’t mind. He confirmed plans with Jace, and talked to him a while longer before hanging up. He had thought waiting an extra few days was going to be hard. Now it would be even longer.
As it turned out, the time went quickly. He still had a lot of catching up to do with his family and much to take care of with Allison. They retrieved her father’s ashes together and drove down to Corpus Christi, the city where Mr. Cross was raised and had met Allison’s mother. They scattered his ashes out into the Gulf and cried together--Allison because she wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her father, Ben because it hurt him to see his friend in so much pain.
“He was a bastard,” Allison said, shocking Ben. “You know I found a box of love letters the other day? A whole shoebox full hidden in his closet. Some of them were from my mother, but most were from him.”
Ben couldn’t imagine Mr. Cross doing something as emotional as writing sappy prose, and the surprise must have shown on his face because Allison responded to it.
“I didn’t know either,” she said. “He must have loved her so much that it broke his heart when she died, but it pisses me off. Mom might have been gone, but I wasn’t, and I could have used that love. Instead he bottled his feelings up inside, but the worst part is that now I understand why. Losing him makes me hurt so bad that I want to do the same.”
Allison began crying again, and Ben put an arm around her.
“You won’t though,” he said. “You’re better than that. What did you always tell me when I broke up with Tim and was so miserable?”
“Lean into it.” Allison managed a laugh.
“That’s right. Lean into those feelings and let them wash through you. As wretched as they might make us feel, they’re a part of us, and we shouldn’t ignore them. It only hurts worse if we do.”
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Allison said, laying her head on his shoulder.
“Me too.”
Silently, they watched the sea gulls dive and soar on the horizon. The skies were winter gray but the weather was warm enough to be comfortable. Ben couldn’t ignore how much more he felt at home here than in Chicago.
“Don’t go back,” Allison said, sitting upright and hanging her legs over the dock’s edge.
“What?” Ben asked, taken aback.
“I’m tired of you being so far away.” Her best doe eyes were focused on him. “I need you close. Especially now.”
“That’s not fair,” Ben countered, but his heart wasn’t in the argument. As soon as he had stepped out of the airport into mild weather he had once considered cold, he knew he was home again. Chicago felt like a distant dream, but still a part of him was reluctant to return to the world he had grown up in.
“Austin is much more liberal,” Allison said. “It’s nothing but weirdoes. Being gay is about as risqué as white bread there.”
Austin could be okay. Sure it was Texas, but also an unexplored city. Home, yet somewhere new. The idea sounded good, but he intended to show some resistance. That way he would score twice as many brownie points. “Why don’t you go to school in Chicago?”
“And switch schools mid-semester? Only an idiot would do that!”
“Thanks!”
“Well, an idiot or a very committed best friend.” Allison blinked seductively.
“I’ll think about it,” he promised, even though his mind was already made up. The idea of not having to muck through the snow, of not having to worrying about Mason breaking in again was too tempting. As much as Ben enjoyed the idea of living far away from everything he knew, he had tired of homesickness. Not to mention that he’d never had a friend like Allison before or since.
“All right. Done thinking about it,” he said. “We’ll have to get our own place. I’m not moving into your dorm!”