“No.”
“Maybe doing this over the phone was a bad idea.”
Maybe not, Ben thought. Not being able to see how handsome Tim was went a long way in helping Ben stay angry. He switched on the bedside lamp and reached for the photos from London. He flipped through them until he found the photo of the London Eye. While riding the massive Ferris wheel, Jace had held the camera out at arm’s length and snapped a photo of him and Ben kissing. That memory was like a cold shower right now.
“Can’t we meet up? Talk face to face?” Tim tried.
“No, I don’t think so.” Ben almost laughed.
“Why? Are you indecent? Lying in your bed with nothing but your boxers on?”
Ben paused. He had heard a strange echo over the phone.
“You’re still so damn scrawny!” Tim chuckled from the window, snapping his phone shut. “But it suits you.”
“Jesus Christ!” Ben swore. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Let me in before somebody calls the cops,” Tim said, pressing his face against the screen.
“I should call them myself! How did you find me?”
“Looked up Allison in the phone book. C’mon, let me in.”
Ben shook his head ruefully and grabbed a shirt. He headed to the front door, but stopped to check himself in the bathroom mirror. Not for anyone else’s sake but his own, he promised himself. He wanted to look good so Tim knew exactly what he was missing. Ben decided to make him wait even longer and went for a glass of iced tea before opening the front door.
Tim stepped in, ignoring Ben’s personal space. He smelled like cologne and beer, an enticing combination.
“You know what?” Ben placed a hand on Tim’s chest to stop him, not the best move considering how impressive it felt. “This isn’t a good idea. Wait outside. I’ll get dressed and we can go for a walk.”
Tim looked disappointed but shrugged and stepped back into the night. Score one for the home team, Ben thought. I’m in charge of the situation, not him. He hurried to get dressed, a sense of excitement welling up within him that he mentally chastised before giving into. Why not be excited? He would finally get all the puzzle pieces he had been missing over the years. Tim would answer his questions, Ben might even flirt, but at the end of the evening there would only be blue balls. For them both probably, but at least Ben could call Jace and talk dirty for some release.
When he was about to turn off the bedroom light he noticed the London photo and pocketed it to use as a talisman, should his body stop listening to his heart. When he left the duplex he found Tim leaning against a sports car in his best James Bond pose. Ben wondered if Tim’s sugar daddy had bought it for him as the image of the leering old man returned to his mind. He made sure to ignore the car, no matter how impressively shiny and new it was. He walked past Tim, gesturing that he should follow.
“Same old Benjamin,” Tim remarked as he pushed away from the car. “Always knowing what you want and getting it.”
“Yeah, well, not everything’s the same,” Ben retorted, not having a clue what he meant. All he knew was that he needed to sound more mysterious than he actually was. “So how did Conroe High treat you?”
“Same shit, different school,” Tim replied. “Well, not completely the same. There was no you.”
“What about girls?” Ben asked.
“Tried to avoid them. Just had a prom date senior year.”
“Krista Norman again?” Ben spat, feeling surprised at how much he still despised her all these years later.
“No. Not Krista. I stopped seeing her about the same time that we beat the crap out of Bryce.”
Ben smiled at the memory.
“That was another good reason to switch schools,” Tim added. “I’m sure Bryce was aching for a rematch. They give you any more trouble?”
“Not really.” There had been the usual name calling but nothing more, although Ben had carried pepper spray until graduation.
Ben led them to a tiny park squeezed between two parking lots. There was only space for a couple of benches, a tangle of untended plants, and the occasional drunk. They pushed past the bushes to a large flat rock that offered seating next to the river.
“Nice view,” Tim commented.
The tranquil sound of the water combined with the reflection of city lights on the river made this one of Ben’s favorite places for solitary thinking. Occasionally he brought Jace along. They once had frenzied sex here, wondering all the while if they were going to be caught. Bringing Tim here wasn’t a betrayal. Ben was using the memories of Jace as reinforcements to his willpower.
Tim let Ben sit first before plopping down himself. With both of them cross-legged, the little rock didn’t afford enough room for them to sit without their knees brushing against each other. Ben readjusted, pulling his legs up and holding them against his chest.
“So what about you?” Tim asked. “Drag any lucky guys to the prom?”
“So straight from high school to Austin then?” Ben asked, ignoring the question.
“Yeah, pretty much. My dad graduated from here and insisted that I do the same. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I agreed. It’s worked out pretty well so far. People are so liberal in Austin that it’s easy to be gay here.”
Ben almost toppled over. “You came out?”
“Yeah.” Tim beamed at him. “Got kicked out of a fraternity because of it, too.”
“Seriously?” Ben asked, grudgingly impressed.
“Yeah. It was stupid, too, since I’d slept with half of them before coming out. Well, not half, but you know.”
Ben didn’t know, but he couldn’t help imagining. He thought such things only took place in porn movies.
“A lot of the frat boys were the same way I used to be,” Tim said. “Some just liked to mess around, which was all right, but some guys were so closeted they couldn’t even admit it to themselves. I guess I got a good taste of what I put you through.”
Ben was silent. He hadn’t expected Tim to ever come out. That he had was incredible. How had his life changed since then? Did he have boyfriends? Did he take them home to meet his family? How did his parents feel?
“So tell me about your life,” Tim pressed. “Was Chicago just a lie to keep me away from you?”
“No, I was there for almost two years.”
“Did you like it?”
“I loved it. Everything but the weather. The museums were amazing, the shopping—just the city itself. There was always something going on. Culture thrives there. It didn’t feel like a dead city, like Houston.”
“Yeah.” Tim nodded, remembering. “Austin must seem boring in comparison.”
“Not really. It’s taken me a little while, but it’s starting to feel like home.”
“You know,” Tim leaned toward him, “they say home is where the heart is.”
“They also say you can never go home again,” Ben pointed out.
“Touché!” Tim shrugged. “So what about guys? I guess you’ve probably dated a lot?”
Now it was Ben’s turn to shrug. Part of him wanted to keep Tim in the dark about his love life, to reinforce that Tim had forfeited his right to be a part of Ben’s life. Then again, bragging about Jace would be satisfying. Inspiration struck. Ben took the photo of him and Jace out of his pocket and handed it to Tim.
“His name is Jace. We’ve been together for over two years. Someday he’s going to take me to Paris.”
Tim took the photo and examined it wordlessly. He swallowed roughly. He was holding back tears! Ben instantly regretted his decision and cursed himself.
“I guess I deserve this.” Tim’s voice was trembling.