"Excuse me? Sir?" Pookie sez, hailin' him.
He glances around a couple times to be sure she is addressin' him, then comes over to where we are standin'.
"Yes, Miss? Can I be of assistance?" he sez.
Definitely an educated type.
"I certainly hope so," Pookie sez, givin' him her best smile. "Do you live around here?"
"As a matter of fact, I do," he sez, givin' the smile right back to her.
'Then maybe you can help us. You see, my associates and I have just arrived in your charming community and don't really know our way around. The thing is, we're supposed to be conducting a sort of a survey, and we don't have the foggiest of where to start."
"A survey? How fascinating."
As this exchange is goin' on the two of them are givin' each other the once over. Also the twice and three-times-over if you is actually countin'. Neither seems particularly disappointed with what they are seein'.
"Anyway, I was just saying to my assistants . .. Forgive me. My name is Pookie. And you are . .. ?"
"Will."
"Pleased to meet you, Will. You see, I was thinking that if we had the help of someone who really knew the area, we could get our job done in no time at all. That would free us up to explore whatever entertainment the local nightlife has to offer. Of course, you'd be welcome to join me ... us... if you agree to help, that is."
She is layin' it on pretty thick, but the yokel is eatin' it up with a spoon and droolin' for more.
"It just so happens that I have the afternoon free ... and the evening," he sez, his smile gettin' even wider. "What kind of a survey are you conducting?"
"We're just trying to find out what the local opinion is of the freedom fighters operating out of the Royal Game Preserve," Pookie sez.
All of a sudden. Will is not smilin'.
"Freedom fighters?" he sez.
"You know," Pookie sez with a wink, "the ones who have been running the tax vultures around in circles lately?"
The guy is now literally backin' away from her.
"I've never even heard of them," he sez. "No, ma'am. No knowledge at all. In fact, I don't think I'll be able to help you after all. Now, if you'll excuse me?"
"Maybe you can join us later?" Pookie sez, still tryin'.
"It occurs to me that probably wouldn't be such a good idea," he sez. "People might get the wrong impression if we were seen together. You see, I'm married."
"I don't mind," Pookie sez. "Besides, marriage isn't anything a good lawyer can't fix."
"Lady, I am a lawyer," he sez. "And I've never fixed ... I ever heard ... Goodbye."
With that he turns on his heel and leaves, almost run-nin' in his haste to put distance between him and us as we watch his retreat in bewildered silence.
"Well, that was instructive," Spyder sez.
"Ease up, Spyder," I sez before Pookie can go after her. "Tell me, Pookie, is it just me or was there something strange with the way that scene played?"
"Definitely something wrong there," Pookie sez, frownin'. "I could have sworn I had him hooked solid. Oh well, let me give it another try."
The next guy she runs her routine on is a big, athletic-lookin' individual named John we find loading one of those portapotties onto a wagon. Unfortunately, it's almost identical to what happened with Will, only without the polished language. John is all enthusiastic until she mentions the guys in the forest, then he practically tramples us makin' his getaway. As it turns out, John is also a married man.
"Either married men are a lot different in this dimension, or this is a very strange community," Pookie sez, her frustration startin' to show.
"I don't understand it either," I sez. "Tell you what, Pookie. Since they aren't respondin' to Beauty, what say we give the Beast a try?"
"Excuse me?" she sez, blinkin'.
I give her my best smile.
"Change me back to my normal appearance and let me give it a shot."
"Why not?" she sez. "I've been batting zero so far. In fact, while I'm at it, I'll give Spyder and myself a redo as well. That way we can always try the 'survey team' bit a try again later."
A few magical passes later, and I am my old self again. Mind you, a disguise spell doesn't actually change you physically, just your appearance. Still, it's good to know people are seein' the real me once again.
"Okay, Guido," Pookie sez, "it's your turn now. Pick your target."
"That place across the way looks as good as any," I sez, pointin'.
"Robb's Hardware and Sporting Goods?" Pookie sez, readin' the sign. "Okay. Anything we should do to back your play?"
"Nothin' special," I sez. "Just wander around the place slow and handle stuff. That and smile a lot."
With that, I lead the way across the street and through the doors into the store.
The guy behind the counter homes in on us as soon as we make our entrance, and not just because we're the only other ones in the place. As I noted earlier, my normal appearance tends to draw attention.
"Can ... can I help you?" he sez, hesitantly.
Pookie and Spyder ignore him and start driftin' down the aisles, pickin' up stuff and lookin' at it careful before puttin' it down. I lean on the counter and do the talkin', lookin' around the place and not at the guy.
"I'd like to speak with the owner, if he has the time," I sez.
"I'm ... That would be me," the guy sez. "I'm Robb."
"This is your establishment?" I sez, crankin' my head around to look at him direct for the first time.
"Well... Yes."
I go back to lookin' around, payin' particular attention to the ceiling.
"Nice little place you got here," I sez, thoughtful-like.
"Good location. Solid inventory. Yes sir. A really nice place. Shame if anything happened to it."
"Happened? Like what?" Robb sez, lickin' his lips.
"Ya never can tell," I sez. "A fire. Broken windows. Trouble with a small business is that it's a marginal operation. The littlest accident and it could go under, not to mention a lot of little accidents."
The guy is lookin' nervous now, and keeps glancin' at Spyder and Pookie. They're still handling things... real carefully ... and smilin'.
"Urn ... Is there anything I can help you with?" he sez. "Anything specific you're looking for?"
"As a matter of fact," I sez, "what I'm lookin' for is some information. There's a rumor goin' around that I'm tryin' to run down."
"Well, there's a bar just down the street," Robb sez eagerly. "The bartender there knows everything about what's going on around here."
"You don't say? Right down the street, huh?" I brings my eyes back around to stare at him again. "The trouble with that is that I'm not down the street. I'm right here. And the one I'm talkin' to is you. You got a problem with that?"
"N ... No. Of course not," he sez. "What is it that you wanted to know?"
"What it is, you see, is that I represent a... an association of businessmen," I sez. "They have heard that there is a group of individuals operatin' in this vicinity, specifically interfacin' with the kingdom's tax collectors when they is makin' their rounds. My employers are most anxious to speak with those individuals to ascertain if there is some way that they might work together to their mutual benefit. What I need is a means of contactin' those individuals to arrange such a meetin'."
"I... I really don't know what you're talking about," the guy sez.
"Do you want me to say it again?" I sez, raisin' my voice slightly. "Did I stutter?"
"No. I meant that I haven't heard anything about the group you're talking about," he sez. "Either group, actually. I just run my shop here and go home to the wife. Nobody ever tells me about anything."