This question, and variations on it, has been the most popular subject of conversation among the team since I decided to bring the bandits back to the palace to meet the Boss. Every one of them, as we were travelin', has pulled me aside out of earshot of the delegation to ask, in varyin' degrees of politeness, if I know what I am doin'.
"I figure it's our best shot to straighten out this mess," I sez. "These boys have it in their head that the Boss is some kind of power-mad monster who's out to take the kingdom away from the Queen. Now, you know the Boss. Do you really think that anyone can talk to him for more than a few minutes and still keep that impression?"
"He's likeable enough, all right," Chumley sez. "But he can have a bit of a temper, too. I just hope we catch him in a good mood. Oh well. I guess we're committed now. We'll just have to muddle through somehow."
This is not exactly the enthusiastic vote of confidence I had been hopin' for from Chumley. He is probably the most level-headed member of our team, despite his bein' a Troll, and his worries do nothin' toward givin' me peace of mind.
"Okay, cuz," Nunzio sez, slidin' into Chumley's place as that notable drops back to talk to Pookie. "Now that we're almost there, how do you figure we should play this, exactly?"
We are makin' our final approach to the palace, so the time for analyzin' and plannin' is over. It's now time to settle on specifics.
"I figure we take them into the courtyard," I sez. "Then, you and the others hold 'em there and keep them amused while I hunt up the Boss. I'll give him a quick run-down on what's happenin', then bring him out to meet the delegates."
"You're gonna explain all this to the Boss?" he sez, raisin' an eyebrow. "Are you sure you don't want me to handle that little task?"
"It's nice of you to offer, cuz," I sez. "But I figure this is my job. I know you're better at talkin' and explainin' than I am, but this whole investigation, and particularly bringin' the delegation to the palace, was my idea. If the Boss is gonna blow his stack and take it out on someone, it should be me."
"Okay," he sez with a sigh, clappin' a hand on my shoulder. "I just hope you know what you're doing."
The repetition of this theme is startin' to get on my nerves. You see, I don't really know what I'm doin'. I've just come up with what I think is the best solution and am keepin' my fingers crossed. Now, as we are enterin' the passage to the courtyard, I am feelin' less and less confident that this is a good idea.
"So, Guido," Robb sez, edgin' up to me. "What are we supposed to say to the Skeeve, anyway? I mean, I don't think any of us have actually met a real magician before. Is there any kind of protocol we should follow?"
"Just relax and be yourselves," I sez. "At first, let Nunzio and me do most of the talkin'. Then just talk to him like you would anybody else."
"Is there any kind of special way we should address him? Like 'Your Greatness' or anything?"
"You aren't listenin' to me, Robb," I sez, gettin' a little exasperated. "The Boss is a nice guy. In fact, he's younger than you are. All you have to do is ..."
"Hey Guido! What's up?"
I look up to find Aahz wavin' and walkin' towards us across the courtyard.
I start to wave back, then realize that Robb is startin' to fumble with his bow.
"What are you doin'?" I sez.
"That's a demon!" Robb sez, his eyes all wild-like.
The rest of the delegation is also startin' to load arrows, and I realize that we have not completely briefed them as to the sights and sounds they could expect to encounter when they reached the palace.
"Hey! Relax!" I sez, hastily. "That's just Aahz. He's the Boss's partner, and ..."
"Gleep!"
Around the comer comes Gleep. Apparently Aahz was exercising him in the courtyard when we arrived. In a flash, I can see we've got trouble.
"That's a dragon!!"
"Relax, everybody!!" I bellows in my best command voice. "There's no need to ..."
Just then, Gleep catches sight of Nunzio and comes boundin' forward.
"Gleep!"
That's when it all hits the fan.
A lot of things happen so fast that I am left with a confusin' array of separate images.
-The bows come up loaded with arrows.
-Aahz stops in his tracks.
-Gleep slams on the brakes and throws himself sideways in front of Aahz.
-Pookie and Spyder pile into the delegation, tryin' to stop them from shootin'.
-An arrow flies and ...
Gleep gives out a high-pitch wail, rears up, and then collapses on his side.
At the sound, everybody freezes in place and stares in silence, like we was all in a picture for one of those play advertisements.
Then, everyone starts talkin' at once.
"What did you do that for??!!"
"But it was attacking!"
"No it wasn't! It wanted to play!"
"That's Skeeve's pet you just shot!"
"Oh geez!"
"How were we supposed to know?"
While the babble is goin' on behind me, I runs forward and joins Aahz, who is kneelin' by Gleep.
"How is he?" I sez.
Even as I speak, I realize this is a kinda stupid question. From where I stand, I can see the arrow stickin' out of the Boss's pet just behind his front leg. For a crew that normally couldn't hit the broadside of a barn if they was inside, this time they managed to come up with a shot that was deadly accurate.
"It's not good," Aahz sez, not lookin' up. "You better have someone get Skeeve."
"Nunzio!" I call. "Get the Boss! Quick!"
"Gleep," the dragon sez, tryin' weakly to raise its head.
"Just lie quiet, fellah," Aahz sez, in a surprisingly gentle voice. "Skeeve will be here soon."
I turn and walk back to where the delegation is now huddled together.
"Robb," I sez, beckonin' him forward."
"Geez, Guido," he sez. "We didn't know ..."
"Shaddup!" I sez, cuttin' him short. "Remember what I told you about talkin' with the Boss?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, forget it. With what's just happened, you better let Nunzio and me do all the talkin'."
It seems like it takes forever, but it's probably not more than a minute or two before Nunzio and the Boss come flyin' out of the palace. Of course, in the Boss's case, this is literal type statement. That is to say, Nunzio is leadin' the way at a pace a few notches short of a dead run, while the Boss is floatin' along just behind him. Even at this distance, I can see that he's lookin' happier than I have seen him in a long time.
This surprises me.
Not that he is flyin'. That is one of the smaller magiks that he has at his disposal, even though he doesn't use it all that much. Rather, I am surprised that he seems happy, as I can see nothin' in the current state of affairs that would put him in such a mood.
Then he sees Gleep and he stops smilin'. At this, I realize what has happened. Nunzio has simply fetched him without tellin' him what was up. Any hopes I have for his bein' in a good mood disappear along with his smile.
In a flash he is on the ground and kneelin' at Gleep's side, cradlin' his pet's head in his arms.
"What's wrong, fellah?" I hear him say. "Aahz? What's the matter with him?"
Aahz glances at us, then clears his throat.
"Skeeve, I..." he begins, then stops as the Boss suddenly stiffens up.
He has just noticed the arrow that's stickin' out of Gleep's side. An expression dances across his face that does not bode well for any of us in the near vicinity.
Just then, Gleep stirs again, raisin' his head.
"Take it easy, fellah," the Boss sez, his expression sof-tenin' again.