Something rotten

'Don't you think you'd better slow down?' I yelled, but Spike just grinned maniacally and overtook a car on the inside. We were going at almost a hundred when Spike pointed out of the window and yelled:

'Look!'

I gazed out of my window at the empty fields; there was nothing but a curtain of heavy rain falling from a leaden sky. As I stared I suddenly glimpsed a sliver of light as faint as a will-o'-the-wisp. It might have been anything, but to Spike's well-practised eye it was just what we'd been looking for � a chink in the dark curtain that separates the living from the dead.

'Here we go!' yelled Spike, and pulled the wheel hard over. The side of the M4 greeted us in a flash and I had just the faintest glimpse of the embankment, the white branches of the dead tree and rain swirling in the headlights before the wheels thumped hard on the drainage ditch and we left the road. There was a sudden smoothness as we were airborne and I braced myself for the heavy landing. It didn't happen. A moment later we were driving slowly into a motorway services in the dead of night. The rain had stopped and the inky-black sky had no stars. We had arrived.

28 Dauntsey Services

'Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.'

HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW �'A Psalm of Life'

We motored slowly in and parked next to where Formby's Bentley was standing empty with the keys in the ignition.

'Looks like we're still in time. What sort of plan do you suggest?'

'Well, I understand a lyre seems to work quite well � and not looking back has something to do with it.'

'Optional, if you ask me. My strategy goes like this: we locate the President and get the hell out. Anyone who tries to stop us gets bashed. What do you think?'

'Wow!' I muttered. 'You planned this down to the smallest detail, didn't you?'

'It has the benefit of simplicity.'

Spike looked around at the people entering the motorway services building. He got out of the car.

'This gateway isn't just for road accidents,' he muttered, opening the boot and taking out a pump-action shotgun. 'From the numbers I reckon this portal must service most of Wessex and a bit of Oxfordshire as 'well. Years ago there was no need for this sort of place. You just croaked, then went up or down. Simple.'

'So what's changed?'

Spike tore open a box of cartridges and pushed them one by one into the shotgun.

'The rise of secularism has a hand in it but mostly it's down to CPR. Death takes a hold � you come here � someone resuscitates you, you leave.'

'Right. So what's the President doing here?'

Spike filled his pockets with cartridges and placed the sawn-off shotgun in a long pocket on the inside of his duster.

'An accident. He's not meant to be here at all � like us. Are you packing?'

I nodded.

'Then let's see what's going on. And act dead � we don't want to attract any attention.'

We strode slowly across the car park towards the services. Tow trucks that pulled the empty cars of the departed souls drove past, vanishing into the mist that swathed the exit ramp.

We opened the doors to the services and stepped in, ignoring an RAC man who tried in a desultory manner to sell us membership. The interior was well lit, airy, smelt vaguely of disinfectant and was pretty much identical to every other motorway services I had ever been in. The visitors were the big difference. Their talking was muted and low and their movements languorous, as though the burden of life were pressing heavily on their shoulders. I noticed also that although many people were walking in the main entrance, not so many people were walking out.

We passed the phones, which were all out of order, and then walked towards the cafeteria, which smelt of stewed tea and pizza. People sat around in groups, talking in low voices, reading out-of-date newspapers or sipping coffee. Some of the tables had a number on a stand that designated some unfulfilled food order.

'Are all these people dead?' I asked.

'Nearly. This is only a gateway, remember. Have a look over there.' Spike pulled me to one side and pointed out the bridge that connected us � the southside services � to the other side, the north-side. I looked out of the grimy windows at the pedestrian bridge which stretched in a gentle arc across the carriageways towards nothingness.

'No one comes back, do they?'

'The undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns,' replied Spike. 'It's the last journey we ever make.'

The waitress called out a number.

'Thirty-two?'

'Here!' said a couple quite near us.

'Thank you, the northside is ready for you now.'

'Northside?' echoed the woman. 'I think there's been some sort of mistake. We ordered fish, chips and peas for two.'

'You can take the pedestrian footbridge over there. Thank you!'

The couple grumbled and muttered a bit to themselves, but got up nonetheless, walked slowly up the steps to the footbridge and began to cross. As I watched their forms became more and more indistinct until they vanished completely. I shivered and looked by way of comfort towards the living world and the motorway. I could dimly make out the M4 streaming with rush-hour traffic, the headlights shining and sparkling on the rain-soaked asphalt. The living, heading home to meet their loved ones. What in God's name was I doing here?

I was diverted from my thoughts by Spike, who nudged me in the ribs and pointed. On the far side of the cafeteria was a frail old man who was sitting by himself at a table. I'd seen President Formby once or twice before but not for about a decade. According to Dad he would die of natural causes in six days, and it wouldn't be unkind to say that he looked about ready. He was painfully thin and his eyes appeared to be sunken into his sockets. His teeth, so much a trademark, more protruding than ever. A lifetime's entertaining can be punishing, a half-lifetime in politics doubly so. He was hanging on to keep Kaine from power, and by the look of it he was losing and knew it.

I moved to get up but Spike murmured:

'We might be too late. Look at his table.'

There was a '33' sign in front of him. I felt Spike tense and lower his shoulders, as though he had seen someone he recognised but didn't want them to see him.

'Thursday,' he whispered, 'get the President to my car by whatever means you can before the waitress gets back. I have to take care of something. I'll see you outside '

'What? Hey, Spike!'

But he was away, moving slowly among the lost souls milling around the newsagent until he was gone from sight. I took a deep breath, got up and crossed to Formby's table.

'Hullo, young lady!' said the President. 'Where are me bodyguards?'

'I've no time to explain, Mr President, but you need to come with me.'

'Oh well,' he said agreeably, 'if you say so � but I've just ordered pie and chips. Could eat a horse and probably will, too!'

He grinned and laughed weakly.

'We must go,' I urged. 'I will explain everything, I promise!'

'But I've already paid�!'

'Table thirty-three?' said the waitress, who had crept up behind me.

'That's us,' replied the President cheerfully.

'There's been a problem with your order. You're going to have to leave for the moment, but we'll keep it hot for you.'

I breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't meant to be dead and the staff knew it.

'Now can we go?'

'I'm not leaving until I get a refund,' he said stubbornly.