He said, “I had a drink with Ajita. Lovely house she’s got there.”
“You went in?” He didn’t reply. I said, “How did you find her?”
He enjoyed watching me consider the question.
“I followed you,” he said.
The day before, she and I had met for lunch in a Moroccan place in South Kensington that I liked. Ajita was wearing a white trouser-suit and looked, in the modern style, more or less ageless. She was carrying numerous shopping bags, as well as books on psychology and Freud she’d picked up at Blackwell’s. She was eager to learn about my work and how I became involved in it. “That whole chunk of your life, truly I know nothing of,” she said.
It wasn’t transference, the unconscious or the Other that Ajita wanted to hear about. It was the guy who loved to shit himself in public, and wanted to do it more; the woman who stuck needles in her breasts and thighs until she bled, and orgasmed, and the man who covered his penis with insects and said he wanted literally to fuck my brain.
“But I’m normal, compared to this. Why am I so dull! I feel free in this city,” she went on. “I want to stay here. America’s at war. It’s horrible for people like us. I’d forgotten how wickedly realistic Londoners are.”
She wanted us to spend the afternoon together, but I had patients to see. Then she asked me to go away with her for a few days. “We can shop, sleep, talk, walk.” I had wondered whether, if she was in the mood for passion, it was a good idea. But now I was warming to the notion. I had good reason to want to get out of London, and perhaps in Venice, Ajita and I might go further with each other. I had always been a cautious and nervous fellow; maybe it was time I changed.
What I didn’t know was that Wolf had trailed me, and followed her home. How stupid of me not to have been more alert. When it came to crime, despite my efforts, I’d always be an amateur; clearly, transgression was a calling that not anyone could assume.
I told him, “She hasn’t got any money. It’s her brother’s. He collects houses. He’s got them all over the place.”
“He has? Where exactly?”
“I don’t know. Wolf, he’s tough like his father, and more powerful and brutal.”
“Thanks. I’ll be careful.” He said, “Ajita took me to a bar and ordered champagne. We drank two bottles, and ate oysters. Then we had smoked salmon and toast. She gave me a little something to help me settle into a lovely warm hotel, not far from her. I walked her back home. I didn’t go in, though she asked me. I’m not one to impose.”
“No.”
“What makes you think I’m interested in her money? It’s worse. I like her.”
“You told her your story-the time in jail?”
“It’s all I have. I can tell she’s been unhappy for a long time. Now she’s looking for something.”
He went on, “Oh, Jamal, she is still good-natured, kind and beautiful. I said to her, you are without doubt one of those women who will become more beautiful and attractive as you get older, with a sophistication younger women can only envy.” I recalled this as a recommended leg-opener of his, for use on any woman over forty. Its time had surely arrived. “Jamal, you made us knock out her father and then you let her go. Why didn’t you marry her?”
“She went away, like you and Valentin. The gang was broken up. I didn’t see her again until recently.”
“You lied to me about that, too.”
“It was private.”
“Maybe. But didn’t she want you?”
“She did, very much. She said she still liked me.”
“And you turned such a girl away?”
“I haven’t said that. We get on well.”
“Is that all?”
I continued, “From my point of view, when I met you, you were already a criminal, Wolf. I was a kid whose father had left. I was easily impressed by tough guys.”
“You call me a criminal!” he shouted. “I was never a murderer till I met you! Let the judge decide which of us was the ringleader-the one who gathered us together to commit the dirty work!”
“The judge? You’ll go down too, you know.”
He shook his head and drew his finger across his throat. “Valentin and I would be playing together in the great casino in the sky. I’ve got nothing to lose. You’ve got everything. Your wife, son, friends-everyone will be devastated by what you did. You will never escape the shame.” He then said suddenly, “Is life worth living? Is it worth the trouble, the suffering?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Listen, Wolfgang. We were good friends. We could still be friends. But you’ve got to drop the bullshit threats, okay?” He smiled. I carried on. “It’s important that Ajita doesn’t hear about what happened to her father. I’m going to be upset, I may even get into trouble. But she will be more than devastated, particularly if it comes from you. She might want to hurt herself.”
“I can’t worry about all of you when no one’s worrying about me.”
“Why don’t you go back to Berlin?”
“There’s nothing there for me!”
“Your knees are bouncing. In a fury?”
He said, “They’d taken Ulrike away to one of their houses, and then they came for me, three in the morning. Minutes later I was on the street with only the clothes I could carry. I’d considered barricading myself in and shooting at them. They were ahead of me in everything. So you see, Jamal, friend, I need a little help. I want to stay in London. I don’t care if I have to sleep on the street. I’ve done it before.”
“I will try to stop that happening to you,” I said.
“How?”
I told him again I couldn’t give him any money and that if he stopped frightening me I’d be in a better position to think about how to help him. Meanwhile, even as he had been following me, I had been trying to find him work.
Bushy had asked the Harridan to let Wolf work behind the bar at the Cross Keys. Wolf could sleep in the room upstairs where the strippers changed, the one he and the Harridan used for their lovemaking; Wolf would, no doubt, be face down in the same fuck-stained sheets. At night there was no one there, and as local boys were always trying to break into the pub, he could keep an eye on it. If he was lucky he’d get to hurt someone, and with moral impunity, always the nicest way.
“What do you think of the job?” I waited while he wondered about it. He didn’t seem delighted. “Wolf, you know how to take your chances. I’ve got to go away for a few days, and you can’t stay here. Give it a try.”
“Sleeping in a bar-is that my worth?”
“Pretty much. There are many friendly girls and dozens of scams going down. Tonight you’ll be in a better position than last night. You should leave Ajita alone.”
He laughed mirthlessly. “Who said I was going to see her again? She and I said a lot to each other. She needed to talk, she couldn’t stop. I think I was her therapy, but there’s nothing else going on, don’t worry.” He gave me his mobile number. “When do I start?”
I was pleased to see I’d startled him when I said “Right away.” I drew him a map, led him gently to the door and celebrated when I shut it behind him.
That evening I went to Miriam’s for a drink. Bushy was out front, cleaning the car. “It’s working,” he said. “Relieved?”
Wolf had successfully arrived at the Cross Keys; the Harridan had already pinched his arse and evaluated his muscles. I said I couldn’t help wondering whether it was wretched for Wolf to work in such a place. Were we humiliating him? Would it make him more pissed off? On the other hand, the Wolf I remembered was interested in most people. He’d like the girls; he’d soon be sleeping with one of them and helping the others.