The feel of him was starting to disappear. He was becoming just a memory, and she hated it. She wanted to physically feel him breathe and move. She wished she had seen the signs of his failing health sooner; then she wouldn’t have had him work on the hotel. They’d have spent his last days together with no care. But Peyton knew Callum hadn’t wanted her to put her life on hold for him. She believed that was why he’d left town at seventeen, when he was first diagnosed.
Peyton placed the picture on her bed and turned her wrist over, following the letters she’d had tattooed on her skin.
Callum.
In her own handwriting, his name branded her skin just like her heart. The night after the funeral, she’d held her bandaged wrist to her chest, hoping somewhere he’d felt her love for him.
Suddenly, a knock on the front door had Peyton looking up. In the last two days, no one had knocked on the door, finally getting the hint that she wasn’t interested in talking to anyone. Peyton walked out of her room and towards the front door.
If it were Jay again, she’d do what she had done to Graham moments after Callum died and slap him. No amount of apologetic voicemails and text messages could persuade her to forgive him anytime soon. She just needed time.
She opened the front door and was surprised to see Callum’s best friend in a suit, holding a box.
“Hello, Peyton,” he said. The life and joy in his eyes had been replaced with a miserable cloud—one Peyton knew well.
“Oliver, this is a surprise. How are you?”
His mouth tugged into a frown. “Like shit. I miss him, but I know it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through.”
“I miss him, too. Would you like to come in for cuppa?” she asked, but Oliver shook his head.
“No. Unfortunately, I have to get back to the city. I drove to drop these off for you,” he said, holding the box out to her.
Confused, she took the small, pink box in her hand and looked up at him. “What is it?”
“Callum left it behind. The day before his… The day before he called me to say goodbye. Told me that he left a box in his parents’ house and, after the funeral, I had to come by and give it to you,” Oliver explained and quickly wiped his eyes. It was evident that he had never experienced losing someone who he loved.
Peyton took a step forward and hugged him tight. Then Oliver let out a mumbling sob over her shoulder. After a minute, she untangled her arms and stared at the box she held in her hands.
“Every birthday or anniversary, he’d say, ‘I’m going to see here today. Today is the day I win her forgiveness.’ But each time he left to see you, he’d call and say he couldn’t do it. The first year of chemo he was a mess. When your parents died, he cried, and I had never seen him cry. He just said to me that you would never want to see him after their funeral. You see, Peyton, his last hope of being with you died when your parents did. Your father informed him on how you were doing and kept telling him of when it was a good day to visit. Your dad was the link Callum needed, and it got him through chemo. When they died, he knew he’d never get you back, so he tried less and less. When he found out that the tumour had returned, the first thing he did was call me and tell me that, this time, he had to do it. That’s when I told him that Marissa and I would get married in Daylesford like he had suggested.”
For the first time today, tears welled and then fell. Hearing that her father had kept Callum informed of her made her heart ache. Hearing that he had gone through chemo alone hurt her more. She wished she had been there to support him. For four years, she’d believed he was living the city lifestyle, but in reality, he had been just as lonely as she had.
“He loved you, Peyton. He never wanted you to see the sick side of him. Knowing him, he’ll never stop loving you. I know you were angry with him for a long time, but I hope you can see that he did it all to save you from a life he believed you weren’t suited for. He believed his tumour would hold you back,” Oliver explained.
“I’m not angry, Oliver. I was lonely. I missed him and I will always miss him. He claimed and took my heart. I understand why he did it,” Peyton said, looking up to meet his eyes.
Oliver smiled and nodded. “We’ll keep in touch, Peyton. You deserved a life together. I’m sorry it was taken from you both.”
Me, too.
“I’ll see you around, Oliver.” Peyton bid farewell as she watched him walk down the steps.
Oliver stared at the Reid’s house before he got into his car and drove towards the town’s exit. She too gazed over it. It would no longer be the Reid’s as they had placed it on the market after Callum’s funeral. Peyton never found out why the Reid’s had kept it vacant for over four years but she believed it was so they had another reason to return to Daylesford.
After closing the front door, Peyton stared at the pink box. She went into the kitchen and out onto the veranda. Then she made her way down the steps to the backyard and around the house until she stood under their cherry blossom tree. Taking in the beautiful pink flowers, they reminded her of him. She walked up to the base of the tree and placed her hand on the bark as though she could feel his heartbeat within the wood.
Peyton turned around and sat on the grass, leaning on the tree. Then she peeked at the tree branches to see the light thread through the spaces. She closed her eyes, and in that moment, she felt him with her. And felt his love within her. When she closed her eyes, he was alive with her.
After she breathed out, she stared at the box. She took off the lid to see an envelope. Then proceeded to pick it up and find that, under it, there was a camera and Polaroids in the bottom of the box. Her heart froze at the sight of them. Some looked years old while some appeared to be fairly recent. Placing the box in her lap, she looked at the envelope.
Her name was written in black ink, the same way he’d tattooed it on his wrist. Her heart jerked at seeing his handwriting, missing him even more so. For the second time today, she wiped the tears from her cheeks.
With a shaky hand, Peyton ripped the back of the envelope and pulled out several pieces of folded paper. Then she gave herself a second to prepare her heart before she read his final words to her.
Dear Peyton,
I’m not sure what I can say to make this easier for you and for me. But I am sorry. I never wanted this. I guess I didn’t get the chance to tell you. Maybe I avoided telling you because I was scared to watch you die in front of my eyes. It was selfish of me, I know. So give me a second. Right now, you’re asleep next to me. And I’m sure this is the last time I’ll hold you. As I write this, I’m saying these three words out loud to you:
Peyton, I’m dying.
I think I only have days left in me.
I’m hoping I still have days left.
Today, you smiled and I almost told you right there. I almost ripped your heart out with two words:
I’m dying.
You laughed today and I almost said: I’m dying.
You cried today and I almost said: I’m dying.
You held me today and I almost said: I’m dying.
You kissed me today and I almost said: I’m dying.
You made love to me today and I almost said: I’m dying.
You told me you loved me today and I said: I love you, too.
You slept today and I almost said: I’m dying.
You told me you loved me again today and I almost said: I’m dying.
You rested your head in my lap under the cherry blossoms today and I said: I love you forever, Peyton.