He broke the kiss, and I felt him take a step back. I slowly opened my eyes. Drew was only inches away from me, his hands still resting lightly on my waist, his eyes wide.
The spell broke, snapping me quickly back to reality. Drew kissed me. He kissed me on a dare, and I took it way too far in front of everyone.
I stepped further away from Drew, from everyone, as the humiliation crashed over me in waves. I looked at the rest of the group and every one of them were gaping at me, their mouths hanging open. I had to get out. My only solution at this point was to run.
“I have to go.” I grabbed my bag and bolted for the door before the tears could start.
“Alex!” Drew called behind me as I burst through the door. Once I hit the sidewalk, I took two steps and doubled over, evacuating everything in my stomach.
The door opened and Drew ran out just in time to see me let loose again. He rubbed his hand down my back, pulling my hair back from my face. I spit and grabbed a tissue from my bag. Could this night get any worse?
I stood up and took a step back from Drew. He looked so worried and dumbfounded, like he didn’t know what to do or say. I didn’t want him to say anything. I just humiliated myself in front of all of our friends, and Gwen, to top it all off. I couldn’t handle this right now.
“Are you okay?” Concern flooded his eyes and his voice.
“I’m fine. I just need to go.” My voice sounded hoarse from retching. I wanted to turn and run all the way home, curl up on the bathroom floor, and cry.
“I’ll walk you.” He took my arm and steered me toward my apartment.
“No. Stay, I’ll be fine.” I pulled away from his grasp.
“You’re not fine. You were just sick.”
“Too much Jack, not enough food, that’s all.” I shrugged, focusing on the tissue still clutched in my hand. “I felt it coming on and it was just quicker to get out here than go to the bathroom.” I sniffled. “Go back inside, Drew. I’ll be okay.” He still looked a little freaked. I put my hand on his arm. “Really, I’m fine.”
“I’ll call you later. Have your phone next to you.” Drew dipped his head to make eye contact.
“Okay.” I could feel him watching me as I walked down the street. That’s when the tears came. What the hell is wrong with me?
***
True to his word, Drew called to check on me at about eleven. He offered to come by, but I told him I was just going to bed and would talk to him later. Millie texted, asking me if I was okay. I didn’t reply. I just cried myself to sleep. How would I be able to face anyone after this?
I called in sick to work the next day. After the fool I made of myself last night, no way was I going in to deal with Gwen. The thought of her smug expression made me want to crawl under a rock.
Around noon, I heard a knock on the door. I dragged myself out of bed and shuffled to answer it. I looked through the peephole but a hand was covering it so I couldn’t see. I hate when people do that. How was I supposed to figure out if I was going to ignore someone if they block the peephole? I cracked it open to see who had disturbed my slumber.
Wiley held up a paper bag. “I brought soup!”
I stepped back to let her in, then went back to the safety of my bed. She followed. “Wow, you look awful,” she said sympathetically.
“Thanks, Wiley.” I groaned as I climbed back into bed.
“You okay?” She made herself comfortable at the foot of my bed.
“No, I’m not. Why did you have to put that in my head?” I said, frustrated. “Why did you have to say that I’m in love with Drew? I was fine. We were fine. Now everything is so screwed up. I…I don’t know what to do?” I burst into tears.
Wiley’s face fell. She scrambled beside me and wrapped her arms around me, guiding my head to her shoulder. “Aww, honey. I knew you weren’t really sick. Did something happen?” she said, rubbing my head as I sobbed.
“He kissed me.”
She pushed my shoulders back to look at me.
“Really!” she said. Then confusion pulled her brows down. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“It was on a dare.”
“Like in sixth grade?”
I sighed and told her the whole story, about Gwen showing up and crashing our night, about Sean’s game and Drew trying to fake him out by kissing Millie’s cheek. I told her about the kiss and the look I got and about running out the door just in time to throw up on the sidewalk. She just stared at me with her mouth open. She blinked, trying to let it all sink in.
“I need to go to trivia more often.”
I snorted.
Wiley pulled me into a hug. “The way I see it, this isn’t all awful.”
“How can you say that? Were you listening?”
“Alex, think about it. Gwen was practically throwing herself at him all night and he did nothing.” I quietly waited for her to go on. “He could have easily kissed Gwen, but he chose you.”
“He chose Millie.”
“Okay, she’s his sister-in-law and it was on the cheek, but he kissed you! From what you said, it sounds like it was one hell of a kiss.” She paused. “You have to tell him how you feel.”
“You don’t know Drew like I do. I know his type of girl and I am nothing like them. Yes, he cares about me, but you didn’t see his face when I opened my eyes. He looked completely freaked out. Telling him how I feel will destroy everything. We won’t be able to be alone anymore without it getting tense and awkward. Eventually, he will get uncomfortable, we will drift apart, and I will lose him. I will lose everything.”
Wiley rubbed my arm.
“I can’t lose him, Wiley. I can’t.”
She just hugged me and let me cry.
“Okay, but just tell me one thing. How was it?”
“It was humiliating!”
“No, not the situation. The kiss.”
I sighed. I’ve spent so much time freaking out about the consequences, I hadn’t really thought about it. The kiss was amazing. Whether it meant something to him or not, that kiss was everything to me.
“Home,” I said. “It felt like home. Like it was where I was supposed to be, with him.”
Wiley smiled. “Then it doesn’t matter what happens now.” She looked at her watch. “I have to get back. Call me if you need me,” she said, looking unsure about leaving me alone.
I nodded and she turned to leave. When I heard the front door close, I turned over and closed my eyes.
“I can’t lose him,” I repeated as the tears started to fall.
***
Ping, ping.
I woke with a start and scrambled for my phone.
Drew: Feeling better?
I typed a quick reply.
Alex: Much.
Drew: Want me to bring by dinner later?
Alex: Isn’t it poker night?
Drew: So? I can bail.
I wasn’t going to let him blow off the guys so he could sit here and awkwardly stare at me.
Alex: Wiley brought me soup. I’m good.