“But it did happen.”
“You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.” He took a cautious step toward me. “Red?”
He grabbed a hold of my arms, his eyes begging me to understand. I couldn’t wrap my head around how Gwen could do something so hateful to another human being. My logical side was screaming it’s not Drew’s fault. She set him up. He just fell victim to her vindictive plot to destroy me for no other reason than because she could, but nothing is black and white. If he was just drunk and being led by his dick, he could have gone home with anyone, but he didn’t take just anyone home. He took her.
“Red?”
I turned my head, trying to focus on Drew’s face through the tears brimming in my eyes. I shook my head, trying to clear the renewed image of Gwen in his bed wearing nothing but that smirk. I took a large step back, pulled away from Drew, and tried to catch my breath. He stepped forward and reached for me again. I put my hand out to stop him.
“Please, Alex,” he pleaded, “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know, but you did.”
“I…”
I held out my hand to stop him.
Drew just shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded. I turned and made my way into the bar, heading straight for the bathroom in the back as the tears began to flow.
Chapter 17
Drew (Then)
I knocked on Red’s door and Kerri answered.
“Drew.” She nodded.
“Satan’s mistress.” I smiled. Kerri was on my permanent shit list for the way things went down with Sean, although I guess I did owe her for introducing me to Red, but fuck if I would let her know that.
Kerri scoffed and shouldered past me. I stepped into the room and Red was sitting on the bed, pulling a pair of boots on.
“Can’t you be nicer to her? I do have to live with her.” She stood up and grabbed her jacket.
I shrugged. “Can’t. Guy code.” I held out a cup of coffee to her.
She laughed and took the cup from me, her green eyes bright. Her hair was pulled up, exposing the smooth curve of her neck. I wanted to bury my face in that curve and just breathe her in.
“You ready?” she asked, bringing me back to reality.
“Yeah.”
We got into the car and I looked at her. “So, where to?”
She looked down at her hands for a moment, and when she looked back at me, she had tears in her eyes.
I started to panic. “Red?”
“It’s been a year,” she said softly, wiping at her eyes.
“Okay.” I was trying to figure out what I was missing.
“Since they died. Today it has been a year.” She looked up at me, the tears rolling down her cheeks.
My chest ached for her. I didn’t know what to say. I would do anything to make it better, but there was nothing I could do. I pulled her toward me and wrapped my arms around her awkwardly over the center console. “Red, I’m so sorry.”
“The medical examiner kept their remains as part of the investigation into the accident. They released them months ago and I had them sent to a funeral home to be cremated. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to go get them.” She paused, taking a deep breath as the tears kept coming.
“Go get them?”
She finally looked up at me, the sadness and grief clear across her face.
“Their ashes?” I asked.
She nodded. “I know this is kind of morbid, but I thought I could spread them today and I can’t do it alone.”
I laid my hand over hers. “I’m here, Red. Whatever you need.”
I gave her a small smile. I cupped her cheek and brushed a tear from her eye. All I could think about was kissing her. I was a complete asshole. She needed a friend, and my mind was fixated on making a move. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to know, with absolute certainty, that I would be there for her whenever she needed me.
***
We pulled up outside the funeral home and put the car in park. I looked at her as she stared at the large white house with Nelson Funeral Home printed on the dark green awning above the door.
“You ready?” I asked. She looked at me with a sad smile and nodded.
I took her hand as we walked through the door and into the lobby. The carpet was a dark hunter green and dark wood paneling covered the walls. The scent of too many flowers and candle smoke filled the air but did nothing to mask the feeling of loss being in a place like this gave me. Red gripped my hand as we walked further into the building.
An older guy in a dark gray suit and black tie approached us. “My name is Michael Nelson. Can I help you?”
Red was frozen, so I took the lead. “I’m Drew Collins,” I said, offering him my hand. “This is Alex McCabe. We’re here for her parents. I-I mean, their ashes.”
His face softened and he turned to Alex, taking her hand in both of his. “I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please follow me. I will get the paperwork for you.”
I put my hand on the small of her back and led her down the hall behind Mr. Nelson. He led us to a small office in the back of the building. He gestured for us to have a seat in the simple brown leather chairs opposite his desk.
“What are your parents’ names?” he asked.
“William and Anna McCabe,” she said, her voice barely audible.
“I’m sorry?” He leaned closer to hear her.
“William and Anna McCabe,” I repeated. I could see how hard this was on her. I threaded my fingers through hers. She looked up at me and gave me a small smile of thanks.
Mr. Nelson typed the names into his computer, nodding his head once he found what he was looking for. He pulled a folder from the cabinet behind him. “It looks like everything is done. I just need your signature on this form stating we are releasing the remains to you.” He slid the form toward Alex and offered her a pen.
She signed it without looking. She was running on auto pilot. When she was done, he looked over the form and nodded. “I will be right back with them.” He said it like they were waiting in the other room and he was going to show them in.
“You okay, Red?”
She’d barely said anything the entire time. I was worried about her. She nodded her head, but wouldn’t look at me.
After a few more minutes, Mr. Nelson came in with a cardboard box and set it down on the desk in front of us. Inside were two small green plastic containers with each of her parent’s names printed on a label stuck to the lid.
I stared at the two containers. This was all that was left of two people who were born, fell in love, and had a life and a child together. Now all that was left of these two lives were plastic containers and labels with their names on it.
“Your instructions stipulated that you didn’t want an urn or a cremation casket,” Mr. Nelson said. Alex nodded.
I stood up, thanked Mr. Nelson for his help, picked up the box with the remains, and led Red back to the car. Alex pulled open the door and got in while I set the box in the back seat. It felt wrong to put it in the trunk.
I started the engine and turned to Red. She took a deep breath and looked at me. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just couldn’t deal.”
“I know, Red.” I reached for her hand again. I wasn’t trying to take advantage of the situation, but every instinct I had was crying out to touch her. I didn’t know how else to comfort her. “Where do you want to take them?”
She took a deep breath and looked forward, out the windshield. “There is this park where I grew up. It’s where my dad proposed. Mom told me…” The tears started again. “Mom said it was the place where their life began.”
“Then that is where we will go.” I pulled out of the parking lot.
***
Twenty minutes later, we stood in the shade of a low hanging willow tree at the back of the park, next to a duck pond. I carried the box and set it down at Red’s feet as she looked out over the water.