I lifted one of the containers and handed it to Red. She took it gently in her hands and hugged it close to her body. “Do you want to say something?” I asked.
“What’s the point?”
I didn’t know how to answer. I wrapped an arm around her waist.
“They’re gone, Drew. They left me all alone, and I h-hate them for it. I hate them, and I hate myself for hating them.”
I grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face me. “You’re allowed to be angry. You can hate them, Red. There are no rules for grieving.”
She sobbed and I pulled her against my chest, letting her get it out. She pushed me away and turned her back to me. “You don’t get it!” she yelled. “You have David, Papa Jack, and Sean. Your mom!” she said, her eyes red rimmed and so empty. “You have a family! They were all I had, and this,” she said, holding the container out to me, “is all that is left of them.”
She sank to her knees with a sob, still clutching the container. I dropped to my knees in front of her, wishing I could take her pain away. I knew, right then, that I was in love with her. She took me by surprise. She was stubborn and such a smartass, always arguing with me and challenging me, but she made me laugh, she was fiercely loyal and kind, and she was so beautiful inside and out.
I wanted to let it out, to tell her how much I loved her and how I would spend my life making sure she felt loved, but at that moment she needed me to be her friend. She needed me to be her family. I could give that to her. I would do anything for her.
I tilted her chin up so she would look at me. “You’re not alone anymore. I’m your family, Alex, and I will be here whenever you need me. Do you understand? You’re not alone.”
She nodded as tears streamed down her beautiful face. I sat down next to her, holding her while she cried. I meant every word I said. I would be there for her as long as she needed me.
When she was ready, we opened the containers together and spread the ashes of her parents in the beautiful little park where they had started their lives together.
***
When we got back to the dorms, I walked her to her room and waited as she unlocked the door.
“Thanks for helping me today.”
“No problem, Red.”
I leaned in and pressed my lips lightly to her forehead. I felt her exhale and I pulled back, looking down at her. We were only inches apart. She looked up at me, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to press her to the wall and taste that lip for myself. I swallowed hard and took a step back.
“Like I said, I’m your family, and that’s what families do.”
She smiled at me and headed into her room, closing the door behind her.
I dropped into the seat of my car just as the sky decided to open up. The rain poured down my windshield, blurring the world outside into a smear of muted colors. I sat there, listening to the water pound against the hood of my car. All I could think about was her lips. I wanted to run back up the stairs and find out what she tasted like. I wanted to know the sound she would make when I kissed her neck, how soft the skin of her back was, what she looked like just before she fell asleep.
I’d put myself in the worst possible position. I found the one girl who I wanted more than anything else, and I could do nothing about it. I couldn’t risk messing this up. Alex needed me. If, by some miracle, she wanted anything to do with me, I would no doubt fuck it up, and then I would lose her. A lifetime as her friend sounded so much better than being the man who broke her heart.
I couldn’t be selfish. She deserved more than that. I would keep my word to her and be whatever she wanted for as long as she wanted. I just needed to figure out exactly how to do that.
Chapter 18
Alex (Now)
I hadn’t heard from Drew since he left the bar Monday night. He was a no show for trivia, and my texts went unanswered. I paced the square a few times, debating whether I should just go over there, but I told him I would need some time. He was just giving me what I asked for, but it made me more desperate to see him.
By Saturday afternoon, I was excited because the boys were playing football in the park. Drew never missed football. I slipped on a cute strapless sundress and headed to the park.
When I got there, Drew was nowhere to be seen. David and Sean were already on the field, and Millie was quietly reading her pregnancy book.
“Hey, Millie.” She looked up at me from her book and gave me an awkward smile.
“Hey, Alex. You look nice,” she said with none of her usual spirit.
Something was up.
“Still no Drew?”
She looked out to the field. “No. He’s not coming.”
I could hear the discomfort in her voice, but I pressed anyway. I was desperate for answers. “Why?”
She sighed. “It is not my place. You need to talk to Drew.”
Were they already choosing sides? “So I guess he told you what happened,” I said, unable to meet her eyes.
She looked at me with a sad smile. “He talked to David. You know how we are.” David kept nothing from Millie. They were the textbook example of the perfect couple.
“Do you think I’m a total idiot?”
Millie looked back to the field where David was running toward the makeshift goal. “Did I ever tell you how I met David?”
“Yeah, you met in college.”
She laughed. “No, the real story.”
She had my attention now. I shook my head, waiting for her to explain.
“I was engaged to someone else,” she said. My eyes widened. Holy shit! Sweet, innocent Millie broke someone’s heart. I could never imagine that.
“His name was Brayden. We were high school sweethearts, had been dating since tenth grade. We had a plan. We were gonna go away to college together, graduate together, then law school, then the wedding, and happily ever after.” She sighed. “David was in Brayden’s fraternity. They met during pledge week. David was assigned to be Brayden’s big brother. Now you have to understand, I always played it safe. Never took a single risk. I stuck to the plan. Brayden took me to the house for some date party or some other theme, it’s not important. Anyway, David was there. Things started off the usual way, Brayden in his element, me trailing behind him or fading into the background. I was incredibly shy, and Brayden was always the center of attention.”
She took a deep breath. “I was fine letting him take the lead because I never knew anything different. He made all my decisions for me. Where we went, what I wore, even where I went to college. So, eventually Brayden left me, as he always did, to do God knows what with his friends. That’s when David came over to talk to me.”
Her face spread into an incredible smile as she thought back to when they first met. “He was hands down the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. He asked me if Brayden ditched me a lot, and I nodded. He offered to get me a drink and took a seat next to me. We didn’t say anything for a long time, just sat there sipping our drinks. Girls were coming up to him left and right, asking him to dance, trying to get his attention, but David didn’t budge. After a while he shook his head as he caught a glimpse of Brayden talking to some sorority girl. I was pretending not to notice.”
I gaped at her. Millie was sweet, sure, but she was no doormat. I couldn’t believe she would let someone treat her that way.
“So, there we were, still sitting in complete silence, when he leaned in and whispered that Brayden didn’t understand how lucky he was. I was a little taken back. I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at him. David smiled at me and brushed a strand of hair from my face. I felt more in that one touch than in the three years with Brayden. I asked David if he would take me home, and he agreed. He was such a gentleman. He drove me back to the dorm and walked me to the door. Then he told me something I would never forget. He said, ‘I hope that one day I am man enough to deserve someone like you, but I can tell you that Brayden never will be.’”