Red threaded her fingers through mine and I took comfort in the fact that she was there. I needed her there. She was the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart. I squeezed her fingers and met her eyes.
“Don’t let go,” I whispered. She just nodded and squeezed my hand.
David and Millie ran through the doors a few minutes later and we all embraced. I felt bad that their wedding day had to end like this, but I was thankful that at least Mom got to be there. I knew she wouldn’t have wanted to miss David and Millie starting their lives together.
My chest tightened when I thought about everything she would miss: grandchildren, me finally settling down, my college graduation…
I was a selfish bastard. My mom was dying in a hospital room and I was thinking about what she will miss in my life.
Eventually, the doctor came out and told us that we could head back to see her. We all headed toward the door and the nurse at the desk looked at Red and held up her hand. “I’m sorry, ma’am. Family only.”
Red stopped in her tracks. I faced the nurse, pulling Red closely to my side. “She is family.” The nurse looked over my shoulder to the doctor, who nodded and led us back to Mom’s room.
We took our turns saying goodbye. David and Millie went in first. When they were done, Papa Jack went in. I watched as he leaned down to kiss her and had to turn away. It was one thing for me to be losing my mother, but Papa Jack was losing his wife, the woman he spent the majority of his life with, the mother of his children. I couldn’t begin to understand how hard it must be for him to say goodbye to the only woman he has ever loved.
When Papa Jack came out, he nodded to me, letting me know that it was my turn to go in. Red was right by my side, still holding on to my hand. She kept her word and hadn’t let go, but now she started to pull away. I turned to face her, tightening my grip. “Come with me?”
“Drew, I…”
I stopped her. “I need you, Red,” I said, cupping my hand to her cheek. She looked up at me, unsure of what to do. She looked over my shoulder to Papa Jack, who just nodded. She tightened her grip on my hand and let me pull her into the room with me.
The room was quiet. The only sound was a soft beep from the heart monitor. I walked around the bed and Mom opened her eyes to look up at me. She looked so small. Tubes were running under her nose and from her arms. I hated to see her like this. My mother was tough as nails. She could handle anything life threw at her. She battled the hell out of the cancer, but it won in the end.
I stepped up to the bed, taking her hand. It was ice cold to the touch.
“Hey,” she said, her voice breathy and soft.
“Hey, yourself.”
“How do I look?”
“I’m not going to lie, Mom. You’ve looked better.” I smiled and wiped a tear from my eye.
She smiled at me. “Smartass,” she whispered.
“Pop taught me well.”
She nodded her head and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she focused on Red before looking back to me. “Remember your promise?”
“I will, Mom.”
“Take care of each other.”
Neither Red nor I could talk as the tears caught in our throats. We nodded. I lifted Red’s hand, which was still clasped in mine, and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
I took a deep breath. “I love you, Mom,” I choked out.
“I love you,” she breathed.
I waved for everyone to come in and we all sat around her, holding her hand as the monitors fell silent.
***
By the time Red and I got back to the house, the sun was coming up. We hadn’t said a word to each other. Walking into the empty house seemed surreal, like this was all just a bad dream and when I woke up, Mom would be at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and playing Sudoku.
In my old room, I sat down on the bed, running my hand across my face. I felt raw. Red sat down next to me.
“What can I do?” she asked.
“Stay with me?”
She shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Even with everything that I had been through that night, the only thing I wanted to do was kiss her, but I couldn’t ruin what we had because I wanted to feel better. I would keep my promise to Mom, but I would do it the right way.
I leaned my forehead against hers and reached for her hand. “We should get some sleep.”
Red pulled back and nodded, pulling back the covers and climbing in beside me. I opened my arms and whispered, “Come here.”
She fit herself seamlessly into my arms and rested her head on my chest. We stayed like that and I fell asleep to the smell of her shampoo.
Chapter 24
Alex (Now)
I stumbled into the waiting room of the hospital. Millie and Sean were seated in the back, their heads down. David was talking to a doctor wearing scrubs with a face mask hanging around his neck.
“How is he?” I asked, out of breath from running.
Everyone looked up and Millie looked slightly relieved. “He is out of surgery. They said it went well, but they are waiting for him to wake up before we know for sure. Drew is in with him now,” Sean said.
“Good.” I nodded as I sank down to the hard vinyl couch. “Good.”
The last time we were all in this waiting room together, there was no good news. I was trying to stay positive. Papa Jack would be fine. He was too hardheaded to die on us. He was going to be fine.
“Alex,” David said, the apprehension clear in his voice. I raised my eyes to look at him. “I was just about to go relieve Drew.”
I got to my feet. “Okay. I will head down to the cafeteria. Just call me when you hear something.”
I turned to head out, but David grabbed my arm. “You really should stay. Alex, he needs you.”
“I…”
I was still so hurt and angry. I wasn’t ready to see him or talk to him. I came for Papa Jack. David looked at me, pleading for me to stay. I glanced at Millie and Sean, who were wearing the same pleading look.
This was going to kill me, but I had to stay. Drew hurt me, but he was my family. As much as I wanted to just turn it off, to stop how much I loved him, it didn’t work that way. I didn’t leave him when his Mom died and I couldn’t leave him when his Dad was sick. If he needed me, then I would be there for him no matter how much it hurt. He would do it for me.
I nodded and David gave me a small smile. Then he turned and disappeared down the hall. I took a deep breath, trying to brace myself for the pain of seeing him again.
“Red?”
I flinched at the sound of his voice. Drew took a few quick steps toward me, then stopped a few feet away, like he was afraid I would spook. He slowly closed the distance and pulled me into his arms.
My body relaxed into him in an automatic response. My emotions were warring in my head. I felt relieved to be in his arms again. It felt so natural, like this was where I belonged, but then everything that happened between us made me angry and hurt all over again. A tear slipped down my cheek, but I didn’t move. I let him hold me because it was what he needed.
“You came,” he said, his voice quiet.
I pulled away slightly to look into his face. He looked terrified and sick, but he was still beautiful. How did he pull that off? In the middle of the night, in the halogen light of a hospital waiting room, he managed to still look gorgeous. It was just further proof that life was not fair.
“Millie called,” I said. “How is he doing? Is he awake?”
Drew shook his head and I guided him into one of the chairs near Millie and Sean. We all sat there quietly, staring at the floor, looking up every time the door to the recovery wing opened.
Drew reached out and took my hand. I winced at the shock I felt from his touch, but I didn’t pull away. He needed me to be here for him and I would do it, but just being this close to him was torture. It was too much.
David came out a little while later and said that Papa Jack was awake. We all sighed in relief. He was still pretty out of it, but he would be fine. Sean took Millie home so she could get some rest. I stayed so I could see Papa Jack. Drew was in with him now and David and I sat out in the waiting room. They would only let one of us in at a time.