My words shocked her. I could see her force herself to relax. "I do not wish your death, only to prevent Akhor's,'' she said.
"Do you truly think it possible?" I asked.
''It may be.''
I waited.
"I believe I know what is happening, Lhanen of the Gedri,'' she said, her mindvoice gentle now. She stared into my eyes, as though seeking truth there, and said, "This love that you and Akhor share, it is wrong, and not only because you are so different. I believe that in the sight of the Winds it is too great a sorrow for both Kindreds to bear for so many years as Akhor will live. I fear the balance is being restored by the great leveler of all life.''
Death.
"And if I renounce him?"
"Perhaps the balance will be restored, and Akhor's life spared.''
It was the only ray of hope I had and I clung to it. I did not, could not stop to think. The vision ever before my eyes was of Akor in agony, in torment even beyond his wounds, and if this would save him I would do it.
If I can help him I will, nor ever count the cost.
I ran into the clearing, found Shikrar waiting there. Above us the moon, just beginning to wane from the full, was riding above the trees and shone down into the glade bright and clear. I planted my feet and raised my arms to the heavens, I did not know what I was doing, but the words came to me as naturally as if I had known them all my life.
"I call upon the Lady of my people, Lady Shia, Goddess thrice holy. Mother of Kolmar beneath our feet, Ancient Lady of the Moon, Laughing Girl of All the Waters, I call upon thee to witness my words." I drew a deep breath, sought the memory, found it. ''And to stand beside thee, Blessed Lady, I call upon the Winds of the Greater Kindred of the Kantrishakrim.
"First is the Wind of Change
Second is Shaping
Third is the Unknown
And last is the Word."
The moon stood directly above, the earth under my feet listened as it held me, the waters of the pool gurgled their attention. And a wind, a light cold breeze, blew into the glade and played about me, seeming to come from all four directions in turn. My cloak was like a live thing, swirling and lifting on the hands of the Winds.
"Hear me!" I cried aloud, and there was silence. I opened my mouth to speak—
—and I could not draw breath. The lie stuck in my throat; all my soul bowed down before the gods and acknowledged what truly was. ...
Perhaps the balance will be restored, and Akhor's life spared.
"I do not love him!" I cried with all my strength. My voice seemed to come from my gut, not my throat. I was surprised by the power of it. "Let the balance be restored. I do not love him!"
That was twice. Three times I must say it, three for the Lady was the charm to make it true. I ignored my heart that screamed its denial, I ignored the winds that grew stronger and seemed to come now from all directions at once. I drew a final breath, for after this was done all that I cared for would be lost—
—when in my mind I heard, impossibly, his voice. It was the only thing in all the world that could have stopped me. His truespeech whispered softly in my thoughts, echoed in my heart. I heard the agony of his body, I knew it as he knew it, I could almost feel the heat and the suffering that surrounded him, yet he spoke as gently as the first time I had heard from him the voice of love.
''My soul to the Winds, Lanen Kaelar, I am lost as you are lost.''
No, it couldn't be. He was in the Weh sleep, I heard but an echo in my mind of what had gone before, he couldn't be—
''Lanen Kaelar, dearest one, it is I, Khordeshkhistriakhor. Do not cast me from you. I love you as my life. Lanen, Lanen, do not deny me a third time, it is worse pain than the wounds or the fire. Let me die still in your love.''
And I had no strength to deny him. I had thought never to hear his voice again this side of death. I fell to my knees and bespoke him without words, let my love stream upon him in a clear light that surrounded us both, I in the dark clearing, he in this impossible wakefulness from the Weh sleep in his cavern. Even for the saving of him, I could not let the lie be spoken a third time.
Aloud and in truespeech I bespoke him. "Akor, my heart, you are in my love beyond life's ending. Before the Winds and the Lady, Kordeshkistriakor, I say that I love you, I love you, I love you.'' I rose on shaking legs, brushed the leaves from my leggings. "I come, dear heart. I will come to you, I will wait with you. I cannot save you, but I will not leave you to die alone.''
I walked slowly into the cave, leaving Idai and Shikrar standing wordless in the clearing, in the wind and the moonlight. I believed I went to my death, or at best to watch his.
I do not know how he had roused from the darkness of his pain and the Weh sleep to speak to me, but he was no longer awake when I came nigh him. He lay curled up on his floor of gold, quiet now, a silver statue splashed with gold. He seemed to be more at peace than he had been since this Weh sleep began.
But the heat was worse. The whole of that great chamber was as warm as high noon on midsummer's day, and Akor himself was the sun. The very air shimmered.
I went as near to him as I could bear. I wanted to bid him farewell, to touch him one last time, but the heat drove me back. I had no words. In the end I could only speak his name, give it back to him and to the darkness that waited for him.
"Kordeshkistriakor," I whispered. So beautiful, the name, the form of my beloved. I even managed a tiny smile when I said it, knowing that I could never say it as the Kindred pronounced it.
I sat as close to him as I could. I would watch by him, as I would watch by any I loved at their deathbed.
I prayed the Winds and the Lady to deliver him from this terrible fate, but if they answered I never heard it.
I cannot say how long I was there, through that endless night. It felt like forever. The brand I had carried in died out quickly, and I discovered that Akor was indeed glowing, a silver beacon, like the moon come to rest in that small place. Sun's heat and moon's light, my dear one.
My birth was an omen, though none knew what it might portend.
It was near dawn, I guessed, when I gradually realised that something else was happening.
The heat was growing rapidly worse, the light brighter. Then suddenly Akor cried out, one final deep cry of pain that tore my heart and brought me to my feet. The heat doubled, driving me back from him with a blast of wind straight from the deepest circle of Hell. He writhed, his eyes still tightly closed, his soulgem blazing green fire, his tail whipping from side to side, his wings vainly trying to fan in that enclosed space.
In the glow I could see it. I felt my heart in my throat, I could not breathe.
Akor had begun to smoke.
All my resolve dragged at me, trying to make myself stay, forcing me to see what I had brought upon my dear one—but I found that the urge to life was stronger than I knew, too strong for my mind to overcome. It would have been death for me to stay one instant longer. I felt my traitor feet turn me away from him and I fled for the entryway.
I emerged just ahead of a great gout of flame. By the grace of the Lady I tripped over one of the tangled tree roots and fell flat. I felt the fireball come searing past me, over my head, and heard it strike a tree on the far side of the clearing.
I lay where I had fallen and wept, my body shaken by racking sobs. I knew I would never see Akor again. Even a Dragon could not have survived that. I could not hear him or feel his presence in my heart.
I had come to the dragonlands so full of dreams. I had finally found the one soul in all the world that was the match of mine, and the body that housed it was now ash in the place where we had joined our hearts and minds.