Feb.4
Dear Harold:
There was a terrible big fight here last nite. after they opened the doors to the dormitory where we sleep, they open them I think about 8 oclock and you can go to bed after night time pills, one of the women walks around the room all day, the room we're locked in all day, and growls and swears and they dont seem to growl at anyone but just sort of to themselves, they frighten me. I wish they were somewhere else. I try and watch them all day so they cant hurt me but sometimes Im so sleepy I cant keep my eye on them, and sometimes they just scream out loud and slap the air like windmills or maybe its not all of them but only the one, the one I was telling you about who started the big fight, she suddenly grabbed another woman and accused her of taking her Sunday shoes and started to strangle her and the woman started hitting her and we all screamed and some of them started pounding on the door but they wouldnt open the door and it was really terrible and I was scared to death but I was good, and the woman kept choking her and finally the attendants came in and grabbed the women and dragged her away but the strangling lady wouldnt stop screaming about her Sunday shoes and she starting hitting the attendants, and so the attendants dragged her into a room and kept her there for awhile and there was an awful commotion and when they brought her out she was in a straightjacket and couldnt stand and they dragged her down the hall but they wouldnt let us watch, they put us all back in the room and locked the door. I didnt see her today, a lady whispered to me that they put her in a dungeon way way down under the building. I dont think I believe that.
Feb. 10
Dear Harold:
They let me watch television for a while last night. It was nice, its a nice room with regular chairs, you know, lounge chairs and those other plastic ones. I sat in a plastic chair, but if I get to the t.v. room earlier I might be able to get a regular sitting chair, it was kind of relaxing. I mean everyone seemed to be quiet and some of the ladies were sleeping, mostly the ones in the easy chairs, it didnt seem fair that they took up the really good chairs and slept. I wish they would let them go to bed and then maybe I could have one of those chairs but maybe if I get there earlier tonight, theyre going to let me go every night, most of the people there are from the open wards, were in what they call the locked ward because were locked in all day. theres only 3 of us allowed from the locked ward, were being good, the people on the open wards have a lot of places they can walk around. I think they can even go outside but its cold now. theres a canteen where you can get things and they can go there. I think they also have a movie sometimes and other things, a library too. maybe if I keep being good theyll put me on an open ward and I can get one of those nice big easy chairs to sit in. during the day too. how are you?
Feb. 15
Dear Harold:
It was a nice visit, thank you for coming on Valentines Day. you look so handsome in your suit, and thats my favorite tie. Im so glad you wore it. I was really sorry when the visiting time was over, its always so sad to see all those people walking down the path to the cars and buses, we stay by the window when they let us and watch the visitors go. sometimes we stay there a longtime afterwards, they tell us its not good to do that, that we upset ourselves but its so hard to leave the window even after theres nobody there anymore. I watched a candy wrapper blow down the walk and across the street. I watched it all the way to the fence. I couldnt see if it went through the fence. Im still allowed to go to the open ward at night, now right after supper, we sit in the chairs and talk or just sit. I like the television too. there was some funny programs on last night, we laughed a lot. at least some of us did. I guess its not such a loud laugh but we do laugh, sometimes some ladies just sleep. I dont seem to be as sleepy as I was. Im only getting 2 little pills a day now. I hope you can visit soon. I miss you. its been so long since Ive seen you. I know its hard with kids yelling and screaming and running around, maybe in a bigger place, they wont upset you. are you feeling better?
Feb. 20
Dear Harold:
I was going to wait until your visit to tell you the good news but I cant wait so Im writing, theyre letting me out on the open ward during the day. I still have to come back here to the locked ward to sleep but during the day I can stay on the open ward, its sort of a trial basis and if Im good it will become permanent, isnt that wonderful? Im really excited, today was my first day. I walked around and its so nice, nobody was growling or screaming like those other ladies and there are chairs to sit in and books to read if you can stay awake, they have jigsaw puzzles too. And you can go to the bathroom any time you want to. anytime, and I am going to go to occupational therapy too. I promise not to make any more wallets or book marks, maybe just a new belt for Bobby. I know O.T. doesnt seem like much but its something to do to break the boredom, it gets so tedious, but they have something new theyre going to try starting next week, its some kind of writing class. I dont know what kind of writing but theyll provide all the supplies. I think lm getting better. I hope easter hurries up and gets here, maybe you can come see me soon.
Feb. 27
Dear Harold:
It seems like so long since We written, has it been? I havent kept track. I am looking forward to your visit, it will be good to hold hands though I must confess I feel embarrassed in the visiting room, youll look so sexy in your 3 piece suit and my favorite tie. and just like I promised Im doing everything they tell me and being real good. Im sure theyll let me home for easter maybe for a couple of days. Im really feeling stronger and stronger each day. I cant wait to see my little darlings and give them all a big hug and kiss, thousands of them, like I promised Im not doing any leather work, just needlepoint, and its not a home sweet home, its a nice picture of a kitten and a ball, youll like it when its finished, we can always give it to your mother for Christmas.
The writing class, its called OT-III-writing, is kind of fun. its co-ed and there was a lot of moving around as the men tried to get to sit near the pretty girls, and some of the girls did some moving around too. it looked like there was going to be fooling around all day for a while, but the woman leading the class got things under control fast enough, theres only about a dozen of us so its not too bad. some people read a few things and then we talked about writing something during the week and then reading it at the next class. I thought I'd write something about ice cream cones. I know it sounds silly but it might be fun. you know when you were a kid how you had to push the ice cream down right away without breaking the cone, and then how you had to lick the edges and be careful how you bit the cone, and how you kissed it up to God if you dropped it on the ground before you started eating it again, no matter how dirty it got. I think its a fun idea. What do you think? anyway, it gives me something to think about for the next week, how are you? I no I'll be seeing you soon.
March 7
Dear Harold:
I've been spending most of my time writing that piece about ice cream cones I mentioned to you. its so much fun. it brought back a lot of memories about my childhood and especially the summer time and the times we all went to the beach and Coney Island and the rides, it was a marvelous time of my life, so happy and carefree, nothing to do but run around and play games, we used to go to the park a lot when we were kids, you couldn't get a real ice cream cone there, but there was always an ice cream truck of some kind, usually a good humor. I remember there was always a breeze on the top of the hill, and I used to love the feel of the air on my face as I ran down the hill screaming and screeching, kids love to scream and screech dont they, but I was a good girl, I really was. I was quiet.