We had a good time at the writing class this week, we got down to work much faster this week and there was less maneuvering. It looked like a couple of them were playing a little more then kneesees in the back of the room, some people had written some things and read them and they were nice, one girl wrote a real nice poem and she let me copy it. Here it is.
I walk along a quiet shore,
And look at the ocean still,
Whilst thinking of the one I adore,
And wondering does he love me still.
I close my eyes and kiss his hand,
And bathe in the light of his eyes,
And sink my feet into the sand
And wonder where does his heart lie.
And then I know where heart and love
Can blend and be soothing and warm,
As I gaze into his face above,
Then surrender into my lovers arms.
Isn't that nice? I guess its not a great poem, but I love it. it has such a nice feeling, we're all so lonely here. I've been really good, you can visit now, can't you?
March 9th
Dear Harold:
I'm sorry you still cant get to visit. I no the kids bother you and you cant stand them but Im here, no kids, and Im being really good and doing everything Im told. Im sure I can get a pass for easter if you would come get me. probably the whole weekend, we could go some place alone. I could meet you. where would you like to go? I dont care, if we could just be together. I miss you so much, it seems like forever since I saw you. I wish you would hold me and everything, lots of fathers get upset by their kids. Ill make sure they wont bother you. we wont see them, just the two of us for the whole weekend, we could be happy, if you could just write. O I hope easter comes early this year.
Mar 14
Dear Harold:
Im in the writing class and cant stop crying and Im afraid to let them see me or theyll put me back in the locked ward and I dont want to go back there I cant let them see me cry but I cant seem to stop. I want so much to see you I miss you so much and the doctor said I shouldnt go home for easter but should wait a while maybe next month when the weathers nicer and I was looking forward to being with you and snuggling in your arms and everything but now they wont let me out even for a day and if they see me crying I just know theyll put me back in that ward. O I wish you could come see me or write or something now instead of worrying about those little monsters whore always interfering in everything O just let us be alone for a second and no matter where they are it could be a hundred miles and they would no it and come running to make sure we dont have any time together. O I know they chased you away but what about my attention? I cant get out to even take a walk and you cant come to visit, and in the writing class when I started to read my peace I only got to read about a page when one of the men started yelling and screaming at me that I had no right to write such silliness when children all over the world were starving and dying like flies and all kinds of horrible things he said to me and accused me as if I were some sort of monster and Im trying to be so good I honestly am Im even eating all the food. I love my children honest honest true I love them and dont want them to go to a home or some place O I wish I could stop crying. I dont want them to see me crying so Im trying to write something for the class pretty soon itll be dark in the tv room and no one will see my eyes I cant let them know Ive been crying O harold please where are you please
SYLVIA WILSON
O.T.-III WRITING
MY RETURN TO LOWELL STATE HOSPITAL
I had spent 7 months here between 1978 and 1979. when I left I said I hope I would never have to return again, not knowing that god has ways that we become sick to the point that only hospital care would be the only way out. In august of this year my children and myself were living in Sheepshead bay on welfare. I was told to go to court because my husband was back on payments toward our support, not that this has anything to do with this but it seemed that my voices started with a court house, one week after going there I started to hear voices that seemed to be having a large court session on all the past friends and people that I had known from a little girl, hearing their voices and debating on putting me in a institution, for things that I was falsely being accused of. these voices continued night and day for about three weeks and then it ceased, then there was a group of men and women who said they were a hired mind readers organization speaking to me mental telepathy and had picked my mind up on the beach, they were telling me we had only until xmas to live and to either commit suicide or they will come up on xmas eve in santa clause uniforms and kill us. so through the strain of it all for my childrens sake I gave up and came willingly back to lowell state hospital for my cure, the voices remained with me for 2 or 3 weeks and then they just politely walked out of my life, the peace and quiet is wonderful. I hope they dont come back. O please dont come back.
Indian Summer
The sky was cloudless and blue, the air warm, crisply clear. The previous few days had been prematurely cool, but today was the kind of day you dream of all through a hot humid summer of stifling subways, burning pavements and faulty air conditioners. And it was Sunday. He could just sit around and read the Times and later watch the Jets game.
Yes, a truly marvelous day. And for New York a rare one. You dont get too many days like this where the air is so clear and clean you feel as if you could rub it between your finger tips. He breathed deeply as he left the newsstand with his Times, and stopped for a moment to enjoy the sky and the relaxed quiet of the morning, thinking of the day of leisure that awaited him.
He glanced at the newspaper and smiled as he anticipated sitting in their small backyard and going through the many bulky sections, looking forward with eagerness to reading the sports pages now that the football season had begun. And too, an occasional can of cold beer wouldnt dim his spirits any. He breathed deeply again and smiled as he looked up and down the tree-lined street. It sure will be good to relax after the hectic week . he just put in. That damn Goodwin account is enough to drive anyone batty. But he wasnt going to think about that now. Not on a day like this. Thats how you get ulcers. No, he was just going to relax and take it easy and leave that for tomorrow. Monday morning will come soon enough. It always does.
I wonder if we should go for a drive? The countryside will be lovely with the trees changing colors and the fall flowers blooming. Bet it would be beautiful in Connecticut, and we could stop at a nice restaurant and have dinner. Im sure Ethel would like that. Give her a chance to get out of the kitchen, and Suzie likes riding in the car—bouncing the Times against his hip as he walked—but the damn road will be packed with Sunday drivers and we would probably hit one traffic jam after another. No, I guess it would be better to just forget the whole thing and spend a nice quiet day at home. Actually Sunday is really a day to spend at home with the family, and he did not want to miss the Jets game, hoping Ethel would not say anything about being a football widow.
When he got home his wife was just finishing the breakfast dishes. He put an arm around her waist as he kissed her on the cheek. Its a beautiful day.
Yes, I know. I was out back for a few minutes before. Makes you feel like doing something or going somewhere.
Yeah, I suppose it does, but what it really makes me want to do is sit in the sun with the Times and a beer. After all, I have to be well rested if Im going to do a good job at the office. He smiled at his wife and kissed her again, then put the paper on the table and took a can of beer out of the refrigerator. Wheres Suzie?
In her room.
O. Shes so quiet I thought maybe she was in the yard.
No. Shes playing with her coloring book. Ethel dried her hands and hung up the towel. You know Harry, it might be a good idea if you took Suzie to the park later. Maybe while Im fixing dinner you can take her to the playground.