She and I could joke about her mental illness. I could tell the rest of the crew at the table held their breaths and wondered if I would cause her to have a meltdown.
“Tell me what you want,” I said, ignoring the looks on my friends’ faces.
“I think we need a full-time person to handle the calls right now. I would think once your movie comes out, you’ll need someone anyways,” Tracy said.
“What all would you be looking for them to do?” Tami asked.
“They have to know recruiting. There are rules on how everything has to be done, and the ‘stupid boy’ over there won’t read the handbook I gave him,” she said, knowing I hadn’t read it yet. “I would think he’d need someone to manage his calendar and help Lily with the social media. Who is getting paid now, I hear.”
“Tracy, you’re right. I should start paying you, too. I really appreciate everything you’ve done. It was one thing when I was broke; it’s another now that I’m making some money.”
“I didn’t mean you had to pay me; I was just busting your chops. Lily needs the money just like Wolf does. If you remember, you pay my dad’s firm a lot of money. He gives me more than enough. Plus, I might actually pay you to let me help.”
I knew she was serious. She loved this part of it. I could see her as either an agent or a sports reporter someday. I’d love to have her interview me on the sidelines during a big game. I also knew I asked too much of her. She didn’t need to deal with the phone calls. She had let me know the stress was getting to her. One of her triggers for depression was stress.
“How about you pay me by inviting me over for dinner tonight? I haven’t experienced your mother’s cooking in several weeks,” I said.
I also wanted to talk to Tom about this. He should to be on board if we made a change. I would call Kendal after lunch and make sure she agreed. I wouldn’t want to make any changes without both her and Tom being involved. It was their job, after all. It wasn’t fair to dump this on Tracy. I was sure we could work something out. Plus, Bo had said he would talk to recruiters for me, too. I wanted to pull him into the conversation.
“Should I tell her to make her fried chicken?” Tracy asked.
“Man, that sounds good,” Tim said.
“Why don’t you and Kim join us? We can go on a double date afterward,” Tracy offered.
“You okay with that?” Tim asked me.
“Sure, we can have a great dinner and then do something later. I’ll let Kim and Tracy decide what we’re doing. Just text me if I need to dress up—I plan on showing up in shorts and a t-shirt,” I said.
Before we left, I had Tracy give me the phone I used for recruiting. I went around and thanked everyone for all their help. They all wished me luck at my camp. I’d work out with them in the morning and then fly out to Houston late Wednesday afternoon.
TAMI GAVE ME A RIDE home and then had me go up to my apartment. She was careful not to say it, but I knew we were going to have a talk. She had digested what I’d said about us; and, as I had expected, the conversation wasn’t over.
“I want to know what changed. I thought we had ‘us’ worked out. I thought we agreed that we’d be together when we were ready. I know you’re not ready, and I’m certainly not ready for us to settle down. I felt we were on the same page on this. Now it doesn’t sound like there is an ‘us’ in the future,” Tami said.
“Watching you flirt with the football players at Elite 11 caused me to have some old feelings. I was feeling the possessiveness rise up within me. Over the last year, I’ve had time to think about that. It’s a part of who I am. If I’m with someone, then I expect them to be just with me.
“You want to spread your wings and experience whatever life has to offer. I saw how much fun you were having, flirting with the guys. I want you to go out and have fun. I don’t want you worrying about what I’ll think. This was one of the biggest problems we had, and why we went our separate ways. I won’t, I can’t, let it happen again,” I said.
I could tell she wasn’t happy.
“Tami, when you came back, I asked that we take it slow. You talked me into us being together all the time. I agree, your solution worked. We made steady progress toward rebuilding our friendship. Then you wanted to introduce sex into it. I resisted at first, but I was a willing participant. My problem was it pushed us forward too fast. I remembered why I always loved you. Actually, I never forgot. I just was overwhelmed with the possibility of us finally being more than just friends. When you took a step back, it was like when you left me to go to the UK. I reacted badly.
“You helped me get past it. Before camp started, I was fine with what we planned. We made love and I didn’t have the possessive reaction. Then I saw you with the guys. If I had it to do all over again, I would never have had sex with you so soon,” I said.
“I’ll never regret having sex with you. I know if you’re honest with yourself, you’d agree,” Tami said.
“I don’t regret loving you. The act itself I’ll always remember and cherish. It’s us falling into our old patterns that has me concerned. If our time apart is to mean anything, we cannot repeat what caused our separation in the first place.”
“And what is that?” she asked.
“It’s simple, really: me being unable to let you go, and your need to control me.”
“How was I controlling you?” she asked.
“We were supposed to go out and live life, but commit to each other at some point.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Tami asked.
“Ask any woman I’ve dated, even as recent as Harper. They all knew I was never fully in the relationship with them. Harper worried what would happen when you came back from the UK.”
“There’s an easy solution,” Tami said. “Don’t tell them.”
“Do you even know me anymore? Your solution is I should lie to the woman I’m dating. Do you think so little of me?” I said, heating up.
“Grow up! It’s none of their business how we feel about each other.”
I threw my hands in the air. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“I call bullshit! We both know I’d never do that, and you’d never allow it. I don’t lie to someone I’m with. Weren’t you the one who dressed me down recently for being self-centered? Now you want me to do that? Seriously?” I asked.
She just glared at me. She knew I was right, so I continued.
“I’ll make this simple. I’m sick of things being halfway with us. We’ve danced around this long enough. I love you, Tami. I want us to be in a committed relationship, or I want us to be just friends. No half measures. I’m not asking you for a lifetime commitment. I’m asking you to give us a chance. I don’t want anyone else but you. I want you to be my best friend and lover. No more games. If we can’t be both, then we need to set each other free.
“I don’t want you to answer me right now. Just think about it. I’ll be back on Sunday. Give me your answer then. If you decide we aren’t going to do this, then let’s just be friends. No more future promises. If you find the guy that makes you happy, you don’t have to worry about what I’ll think. I’ll be happy you found someone. I would hope you’d feel the same if I found someone.
“What I don’t want to have happen is that we tear each other apart yet again. I either need to be your lover or not. I can’t handle being your fallback guy.”
Tami stood up and I could tell she was about ready to cry. I was right there with her. I thought we’d be okay if we decided what we were doing. I hoped she chose to be my girlfriend, but if not, I could live with that.
“I’ve a lot to think about. I’ll see you when you get back,” she said and began to leave. She stopped. “Do me a favor. Go out and have fun. I want you to think about what you’ll be giving up if we become a couple. I don’t want you looking back and wondering ‘what if?’ I worry you’ll regret us being together. I want you to be able to say that us being together wasn’t a mistake.”