Chapter 17 – Tami and David
Saturday July 18
Tami:
I saw David as he walked out of the terminal and into the pick-up area. I waved, and when he saw me he gave me one of his dazzling smiles. I was sometimes amazed I knew this boy who was in all the magazines. I’d not been prepared for how good-looking he had become. He’d really grown into a sexy young man. Before the summer of his growth spurt, he’d been a slightly pudgy nerd. David was now six-four and a hunk. He had a lean, muscular build and a noticeable bulge in his loose-fitting jeans. His easy confident stride had several girls, and many of the women, checking him out. Some were actual leering in a predatory way at my best friend. He didn’t seem to notice the attention and just headed my way.
I was the envy of every woman in sight when he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a passionate kiss. When I was in his arms, I couldn’t think clearly. We had too much history, and I cared for him too much not to have him affect me. I loved him with all my heart ... but.
He loaded his bags through the back door of the Charger and I jumped into the driver’s seat and fired the monster of an engine up. That was another thing: he had the coolest toys and was more than willing to share. I didn’t know a single high school boy who would willingly hand over the keys to a Dodge Charger Hellcat to anyone. I eased this muscle car into traffic and could hear the engine rumble, wanting to be set free to run. When you drove this car, you wanted to aggressively push its limits and eat up miles of hard-top.
I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had a little smirk on his face. He knew how much I loved his car. He also knew how much I hated driving in Chicago traffic. People needed to move over and let me through.
I also knew he was being a frickin’ Dawson. He was sitting quietly, waiting for me to talk. It was the most infuriating thing they did. I sometimes wanted to strangle all the Dawson men. It was unnerving to see them all do it at once. They would just stare at you until you broke. Argh!
I know I call David a ‘stupid boy.’ When he sets his mind to something, he can be a crafty little shit, especially if I push him too hard. I had nobody to blame for my current predicament but myself. He warned me not to push the sex. If he was like a normal boy, I would have been fine. I could have managed the situation and in turn, him. I should’ve learned my lesson.
David and I grew up being closer than a boy and girl probably should have. We were like twins; if you saw one, the other was nearby. He wasn’t like other boys who thought girls had cooties. Part of that was me. I was a tomboy through-and-through. I never understood playing with dolls or having tea parties. I’d rather be out riding my bike and playing baseball with my buddies.
Our relationship was complicated. I felt a need to protect him because he always looked for the good in people. I knew better. I had wanted to contact my father when I was old enough to understand that most families had two parents. My mother was supportive but warned me he might not want to see me. I saw David’s family and couldn’t believe a parent wouldn’t love their child. When I finally was able to talk to my dad, I was devastated when he didn’t want anything to do with me. He had his own family now and didn’t need me to interfere.
I had gone into a serious funk and no one could seem to get me out of it. That was until David had gotten me to play the ‘Secret Game’ with him. I don’t remember what secret he had, but when I confessed what my dad had said, the floodgates opened. That was what I meant by him being a sneaky little shit. He figured out what I needed, even though I wanted to wallow in my self-pity.
What I learned that day was I loved him. He was the one person I could tell anything to and not be judged. He cared about me and would always be there for me. I know my mom loved me, but it wasn’t the same as finding that person. Most people don’t find that person until much later in life. I realized what David meant to me was both a blessing and a curse. I think from that point on I knew we would eventually end up together.
My mistake was I acted like he was mine, but never claimed him. I made three serious missteps with David. The first was in middle school. When he started dating Jan, I was confused and pulled back. I think if I’d been more involved, he would never have started drinking and doing drugs. He would probably have tried them; he’s nothing if not adventurous. My mistake was getting Jeff and Alan to help me convince him Jan was wrong for him. I, in effect, pulled his support system away from him. His three best friends all were telling him she wasn’t the right girl. Dammit, I was the right girl.
The sad part was she proved us right. Anyone looking at it from the outside would have seen this Mack truck barreling down on him from a mile away. She was the cute head cheerleader. He was the brainy kid who was clueless when it came to boy-girl relationships. Jan ended up leading him around like he was her pet. When it all came crashing down, his best friends were all more than willing to tell him we told him so. I saw the hurt in his eyes when I did it.
He was my rock. He was the guy I could always count on, and I needed to say, “I told you so.” It was no wonder he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I became so frustrated that my friend was becoming an antisocial little jerk that I compounded the problem by thinking I needed to give him some tough love. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I screamed at him that I never wanted to see him again.
It was as if I had extinguished the flame that lit his soul.
It was almost a relief when he was sent away for the summer. Thank God for his Uncle John. David came back a different person. If I were to be honest, he came back a better person. I think it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He came home with a quiet confidence and purpose.
It might have been the worst thing that could have happened to us. I had time away from David. I came to realize that I wanted to do what was best for me. That was when I made my second major misstep: I decided to go to Wesleyan. If I’d been honest with David up front, he would have gone with me. He was smart enough to hold his own academically at Wesleyan. His parents, while not rich, would have found a way to get him there.
Instead, I kept the secret of my plans from the one person with whom I had always shared everything. To this day I have no idea why I thought I couldn’t be open and honest about it. When all was said and done, he supported me.
If it wasn’t for him and his goofy video chats, I would never have made the friends I did. I also don’t think he would have become what he is. For him, it worked out great. I’m not complaining; Wesleyan opened a lot of doors for me. I would never have gotten the same education nor the opportunity to go to the UK.
That brings me to my third misstep: I completely misjudged how independent David had gotten. In my mind, I wanted him to grow into the man he was becoming. I just hadn’t unshackled him to allow the growth to happen. We needed to communicate our expectations. What we did instead was butt heads and dig in. Our strong personalities wouldn’t allow us to bend. It almost broke us.
When I came back for the summer, I knew I needed to fix our relationship. David was cautious. I didn’t blame him, but I wasn’t going to let things remain the way they were. I was too afraid we’d never get back together as the friends we should be. I wanted us to be the way we were when we were younger. I wanted David to be my rock and confidant. I wanted the boy who would pick me up when I fell and support me no matter what. I wanted his unconditional love.
There was always a but. But I wanted my freedom to become a woman. I knew how David was. If we were together, I would never be able to be with anyone else. I wasn’t ready for that yet. I was still learning what it meant to be in a relationship with a man. I could certainly see myself learning with David ... but.