David was right: I had a secret. Having sex with him exposed it. I’d had another lover in the UK. His name was Paul Grogan. He was the grad assistant who helped teach my biology class. In many ways, Paul and David were a lot alike. Paul was very bright. He was also in good shape, but thin. The girls in my class all thought he was cute.
We had gotten together when I came back from Christmas break. He had noticed how down I was after the breakup with Simon. Paul was just being a friend when he took me out for dinner. Somehow we ended up at his place, and nature took its course. Paul was six years older than I was. He taught me things. I was falling for him when I found out he was engaged. I was appalled when he just laughed when I confronted him about it. He told me it was just sex and I should accept that I’d had a wonderful time.
I don’t know why I didn’t tell David. I think I was embarrassed I’d let myself be fooled by Paul.
Paul was so different from David in bed. With David, my inner animal came out. He was so strong and manly that I wanted him to use me. I think his uncle was right, David was an Alpha Male. In a lot of ways, I’m an Alpha Female. I liked having a man do my bidding in bed.
With Paul, I was free to explore new things. I was in control, so I felt safe to try them. I encouraged him to teach me what he knew. Paul had been selected to be a TA for a reason. He was a good teacher, and never pushed me too far out of my comfort zone, but far enough that I could push my boundaries.
I knew David would do as I asked to please my desires, but it just wasn’t the same. I knew David wouldn’t truly submit to me. He would let me be dominating, but if push came to shove, he was the one in charge. Of course, I’d never tell him that. His head would be too big to get through the door.
So, there was my dilemma. David wanted us to be together, now. I wasn’t ready. If I didn’t handle this right, I was going to lose him. How many chances would I get?
DAVID:
I knew Tami better than Tami knew herself. She’d always thought she could read my mind. For the most part, she could, but two could play that game. She had stressed out about our relationship since I left for Houston. Tami had pulled her usual end-run: she’d had Harper try to talk me out of it. I’d seen her game of employing our friends to gang up on me since we were in first grade.
I guarantee Miss Tami Glade was currently beating herself up about all the horrible things she’d done to me and why she didn’t deserve for us to go out. She probably had five reasons she messed my life up. I didn’t care. I loved her.
I reclined my seat after we got out of traffic. I closed my eyes and acted like I was taking a nap so she could start thinking about why we should be together. I almost chuckled. My plans were coming together nicely.
TAMI:
I bet David thought he was fooling me with his eyes closed. There was no way he was asleep. I let the car drift to the side of the road onto the apron and then jerked it back. I bit my bottom lip so he couldn’t see me laugh when he almost jumped out of his seat. I was rewarded with an evil glare. Sleeping, my rosy red behind.
Why did I love David? It wasn’t his good looks, charm, talent on a ball field, money, or any other superficial thing. I needed to make a list.
I loved him because:
1. He’s my best friend, no matter what.
2. My deepest, darkest secrets are safe with him.
3. He never holds a grudge.
4. He thinks he knows me completely ... ‘stupid boy’
5. If I need to talk, he’ll listen, and not offer advice.
6. He would never intentionally hurt me.
7. He can make me laugh with just a look.
8. If I need to just sit and think about things, he’ll sit with me.
9. He never makes me feel pressured.
10. If I take him shopping, he lets me pick out his clothes.
11. If I tell him I want to be around him 24/7, he puts up with me, even if he needs time alone.
12. He lets me drive his car.
13. If I asked, he’d give me the world.
14. If I asked, he’d go to college where I wanted to, regardless of whether they had a football team or not.
15. I love waking up in his arms.
16. He smells like a man.
17. He’s the biggest kid I know, and he never loses his sense of wonder.
18. All my friends adore him.
19. He makes a point to tell me he loves me.
21. He knows I have flaws, but loves me despite them.
22. He’s man enough to cry.
23. He’s kind, gentle, attentive, and caring; not just to me, but towards his family and friends as well.
24. He’s the perfect man for me.
25. If he ever left me, I would die.
I could go on and on. Why was I fighting this? I really love him.
DAVID:
I could feel us getting off at our exit. I sat up and returned my seat to its upright position. I could see a ghost of a smile on Tami’s face. I had to suppress my urge to do a little victory dance. I was close, but not there yet. I just needed to stay calm and let her tell me what we had decided.
TAMI:
When we got to his house, I told him to go in and see his family. When he was done, he could come up to the apartment and we would talk. I let myself in and stripped down to a matching panty and bra set. I knew if I made love to him before we talked, he would be more receptive to what I had to tell him.
Then my phone rang.
DAVID:
Duke was a wild child. I had to let him out of his crate and take him out into the backyard. He ran circles around me, making whining noises. I don’t think I’d ever seen him happier to see me. Kyle and Mac came out with Greg. They wanted their Unca David to hold them. The two little ones were telling me something they were excited about. I looked at Greg to interpret for me.
“I took them to the park and we fed the ducks. What do the ducks say?” Greg asked.
“Quack, quack!” they said in unison.
I finally got my boy under control and administered the proper amount of loving for being gone for four days. We went inside and Mom and Angie ambushed me.
“So?” Mom asked expectantly.
“Keep your fingers crossed. I’m going upstairs to get the good news. Come find me if you don’t see me by Wednesday,” I said.
“David Allen Dawson!” my mom chided me. “I’m not waiting half a week to find out this news.”
I agreed and went to my apartment. I found Tami in a pair of sexy underwear, sitting on the edge of my bed, crying.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked.
She looked me in the eye and then launched herself into my arms and began bawling. I’m not the greatest when it comes to dealing with crying girls. I’d learned the best approach is to just hold them and gently rock them. She finally was able to slow down and we sat on the edge of the bed. She took my hand and I got worried.
“It’s ... (sniff) ... It’s ... Jeff ... He’s dead!” she said, and then she was clutching me again.
When she had calmed down enough, I took her by the shoulders so she would focus.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I don’t have all the details. Alan called. He said there was an accident at the lake.”
In a blink of an eye, all talk about us getting back together evaporated. I had to dress Tami like she was a doll. She was completely out of it. I sent a text to Angie to ask Mom to come up to my apartment. Of course, both of them showed up. I had to step back to allow both of them to put her in a group hug.
I needed some time to process what I’d just heard. I grabbed Duke, put him on his leash, and we went for a walk.