“You mean he didn’t have a choice.” Since Dom’s personality had been buried beneath Saul’s, he could never communicate with anyone except Saul. So if he was to have a romantic relationship, it would have to be with Saul—or with an illusion Saul created for him. I wondered if Saul had played the role of Adam in Dominic’s dreams. Then I shook my head at myself and reminded myself it was none of my business.
My bitchy comment seemed to have ended the conversation. Saul resumed picking at his food, and I decided that if I had food in my mouth, I’d be much less likely to say things I would later regret.
I dumped the curry Saul had brought me onto a plate, nuked it for thirty seconds, and brought it to the table. Thirty seconds was too long, and now I didn’t dare take a bite unless I wanted third-degree burns on my tongue. I stirred my food around the plate, sending up a cloud of fragrant steam.
“I’m sorry,” I said, still looking at my plate. “I have a tendency to blurt out whatever comes to my mind without thinking about it. I’ve been getting better about it lately, but I feel so shitty right now I guess I’m backsliding.”
A brief nod was the only indication he gave that he heard my apology. I’m not sure if that meant he accepted it or not, but since we’d already determined I had a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth, I decided to keep my mouth closed.
The curry was finally cool enough to eat, as long as I blew on it first, so I took a tentative taste. Despite Saul’s assurance, I was afraid it would be Thai-spicy, but it turned out to be just perfect. A bit of a kick, but not so much it was painful to eat.
There was a long silence as I ate, and Saul stirred the remains of his food around his plate, taking an occasional nibble as if he weren’t sure if he was done or not.
“My host isn’t mentally challenged, you know,” Saul said out of nowhere.
It wasn’t a topic I felt like discussing at the moment, but I didn’t have it in me not to argue. “I met him before you took him. I know mentally challenged when I see it, and Dick fit the description.”
“He isn’t brilliant, but his intelligence is normal. It’s the way he was raised that made him seem challenged. Amazing what a total lack of socialization and stimulation of the mind will do to a child.”
I flinched. “Now you sound like your father, objectifying Dick like he’s some kind of lab rat.”
He leveled me with an unnerving, level gaze. “Never compare me to Raphael. In any way. Understand?”
“Don’t sound like him, and I won’t compare you.”
His fists clenched on the table. “I was commenting on what was done to my host to make him seem mentally challenged when in fact his intelligence is perfectly normal. I’m not the one who did it to him, and I’d never condone doing that to anyone!”
I backed off. “Fine. I’m touchy about the subject is all. If you’d heard some of the cavalier things Raphael has said about the ‘test subjects’…” I let my voice trail off. Raphael was on Lugh’s side in the demon war, and he was our ally whether I wanted him to be or not. But it seemed obvious he’d never accepted the idea that there was anything wrong in Dougal’s damn breeding program.
“He’s getting better,” Saul said.
My mouth dropped open.
“Dick, not Raphael,” Saul amended quickly. “I’m not sure how much of the damage I can repair. A child’s brain is much more malleable than an adult’s. But the point is, I can make him more functional over time.”
“And what good does that do him, when he doesn’t get to function anyway?”
He gave me an annoyed look. “Do you cease to exist when Lugh takes control?”
“No, but—”
“Dick is still alive and well within me. And whether he can personally interact with the outside world or not, he’s still a person with a life. A life that will be fuller and richer if I can undo some of the damage he’s taken from lifelong abuse and neglect.”
I forced myself to take a moment to think before I blurted out something else aggressive and potentially offensive. Saul had been right in his accusation this morning—I didn’t like him. But it made no sense, even to me. He’d done absolutely nothing to justify my opinion of him.
“So you really care that much about Dick’s well-being?” I asked, trying not to sound skeptical. “Lugh said you’d had trouble getting along with hosts in the past and that your hosts had suffered. Why is Dick so different?”
He frowned. “It was just one host, and the problem was that he was a sanctimonious son of a bitch. He had no trouble inviting a demon into his body, but he thought once he invited me in, he would convert me to his way of thinking. Which was that sex should only occur between a man and a woman, that it was an abomination for the woman to enjoy it, and that anything but straight missionary position was a sin. And that foreplay was unnecessary.” He gave a little snort. “You can imagine what he thought of SM practices. Any time I wanted to partake of any ‘pleasures of the flesh,’ he let his objections be known. So no, we did not get along. And since I was in the dominant position, I did what I wanted. If he was offended, I shut him out.”
I bit my tongue to keep a retort from flying out of my mouth. I knew what it was like when a demon shut a host off from his own body. In my opinion, it was a fate worse than death.
“I’m not proud of what I did,” Saul said, “but possession is a risk, both for the demon and the host. We have no way of knowing how compatible we will be with our hosts. We are more adaptable than humans, so we’re able to bridge some pretty big gaps. But that one was way too big and the relationship was doomed from the beginning.”
“So Lugh was just being paranoid when he said a host other than Dominic would suffer with you?”
I never said that, Lugh protested.
Damn. My mental barriers were still weak enough that he could speak to me. It made me feel like a crazy person when I heard voices in my head.
“If I understand correctly,” Saul said, “Lugh wanted to summon me into Dominic because, at the time, there was no other host available. I’m not surprised he would bring up such a possibility if he was trying to get his way. And it’s true that I’ve never had another host I was as compatible with as I was with Dominic. But whether you believe me or not, Dick and I are doing just fine together.”
I was working on a diplomatic but noncommittal reply but was interrupted by the phone ringing. I hoped I didn’t look like I was running for my life when I dashed to get it.
It was the front desk calling to tell me I had a visitor—Dominic, of all people. I told the clerk to send him up, then chewed my fingernails as I waited for him to arrive. A little evil voice in my brain said that Dominic wouldn’t have shown up on my doorstep with good news. And from the look on Saul’s face when I told him who was coming, it seemed he had the same suspicion.
CHAPTER 12
My assumption that Dominic wasn’t coming with good news was confirmed the moment I opened the door and got a look at him. I was getting pretty good at reading him—unlike Adam, Dom actually has an expressive face. My first impression was that he was uncomfortable and perhaps a bit embarrassed. Nothing good, but at least it wasn’t a “somebody died” face. With my life, that could be considered a positive.
“Come on in,” I said, gesturing him toward the living room. He and Saul exchanged nods of greeting.
“Do you mind if I talk to Morgan in private for a bit?” Dom asked Saul.
Saul looked as startled as I felt. “Anything wrong?” he asked.
Dom managed a rueful smile but didn’t answer the question. “If you hear any sounds of violence, please come running to my rescue, okay?”