My first impulse was to laugh uproariously at the idea. I managed to swallow that impulse, because I was pretty sure she was being sincere. “Thanks, but my inability to talk is one of the reasons—” My voice choked off. I couldn’t finish that sentence without a return of the tears.
“Okay, so talk is out. I noticed there was a convenience store about a block away. Is an inability to consume large quantities of ice cream one of your problems?”
This time, I did laugh, but that had been her intention. “A pint of Ben and Jerry’s might go down pretty easily right now,” I admitted, then sighed. “But I don’t have time to wallow at the moment.” The clock on the nightstand announced it was eight-thirty, and Raphael and I had planned to arrive at The Seven Deadlies right around its nine o’clock opening time. We were already running late, thanks to me.
“Going somewhere?” Barbie asked, and the curiosity—or was it cunning? — was back in her eyes.
“Don’t even think about following me.” Maybe that hadn’t been one of her plans, but she’d been on my tail often enough that I wouldn’t put it past her. “You know that old saying about curiosity and the cat.”
She grinned at me. “As enjoyable a pastime as it is, I only tail people when I’m being paid to do it. But let me give you some professional advice.”
My whole body went on red alert. Barbie rolled her eyes.
“Relax, I don’t mean anything ominous.” She scooted back and regarded me with a critical eye. “The dye job helps, but the best way to avoid unwanted attention is to look inconspicuous.”
I gave her a droll look. “I’m five-nine. I don’t do inconspicuous well.”
“If I promise not to follow you, will you tell me where you’re going?”
“Why?”
“So I can decide the best way to make you look relatively inconspicuous. I’d pick a different look for, say, South Street, than for around here.”
I’m sure my usual poker face made its appearance. “Why would you think I’d be going to South Street?”
She gave me a knowing look. “I told you once that I was good at my job. Well, part of my job is drawing conclusions based on the evidence at hand. The evidence says you have some kind of relationship with Adam White, though I have yet to make sense of what that relationship is.”
You and me both, I thought.
“You also have a mysterious relationship with Tommy Brewster, one that’s close enough for you to hide out at his house. This after you’d been hired by Tommy’s mother to exorcize him, which would generally create a hostile relationship, if any at all. So why would an exorcist spend so much time with demons? Especially one like Tommy, who any sensible person would suspect is an illegal despite whatever papers he may have signed? Perhaps that exorcist is a demon herself?”
I didn’t answer her, too stunned by her conclusion to speak. That probably cemented her assumption, but I was pretty sure anything I said would only make it worse.
“I’m going to go out on a real limb here,” Barbie continued, “and speculate that you used to be Jordan Maguire’s demon. That somehow during the exorcism, Morgan made the mistake of touching Maguire, and you moved in.”
I was painfully conscious of the way her eyes bored into me, studying my responses. I didn’t know what she would make of my response to this particular theory.
I tried to imitate Brian’s lawyer face. “If you think I’m Jordan Maguire’s demon, why are you interested in helping me? I’m a violent rogue who has to be destroyed, remember?”
“And I say that’s bullshit. Knowing that beating someone up is an automatic death sentence for a demon in this state, the only way you would have hit Jessica Miles is if you were completely out of control. And if you were out of control, she’d be dead.”
I had no idea whether I should try to encourage Barbie to believe this theory of hers or not. So instead of talking about my supposed identity, I nudged the subject back to my original question.
“I still don’t get why you’d think I was going to South Street tonight.”
“Well, it’s something of an open secret that The Seven Deadlies doesn’t discriminate against illegal or rogue demons. It’s a slightly less open secret that if you want information about the demon underworld, that’s the place to get it. With Adam off your case because of the potential conflict of interest, and with the rest of the police force ignorant about the demon angle, if any good investigating is going to be done, you’re the one who has to do it. Ergo, you’re going to South Street.”
Amazing how many facts she could have wrong and still come to the correct conclusion about my destination and purpose tonight. My mind was wheeling around frantically, trying to figure out what I should say. I finally decided that, being such a lousy liar, it wasn’t worth the trouble to deny that I was going to The Seven Deadlies.
“I’ll neither confirm nor deny any of the guesses you made tonight,” I said, hoping I wasn’t making a big mistake, “except for the one about The Seven Deadlies. That is where I’m going, and if you have any tips on how to make a five-foot-nine woman less conspicuous, bring them on.”
There was no full-length mirror in Raphael’s house, so I had to make do with the bathroom mirror to examine the end result of Barbie’s makeover. She stood leaning against the doorjamb awaiting my verdict. All I could do was shake my head and give her a doubtful look.
“You call this inconspicuous?” I asked. My newly black hair was parted to one side—a neat trick, considering how short it was at the top—and plastered to my head with hair gel. And instead of my usual jeans and T-shirt, I was wearing a dark blue pinstriped pantsuit I’d borrowed, reluctantly, from Raphael. Tommy Brewster and I had remarkably similar builds, though we’d had to take in the waistband of the pants with safety pins. Beneath the suit jacket was a crisp white men’s shirt, and a conservative striped silk tie. Barbie had even insisted I stuff my feet into Tommy’s only pair of respectable dress shoes, which were at least a half size too small for me. I figured this had to have been Tommy’s interview outfit, because every other piece of clothing he owned was faded, ragged, and ultracasual. Also, he was an inch taller than me, but the cuffs of his pants were just the right length. He obviously hadn’t worn this suit in a while.
“Like you said, you aren’t a great candidate for inconspicuous. So instead of really trying to disguise you, we go for a little misdirection.”
My mouth was still hanging open. “You don’t think a guy wearing a business suit on South Street at this time of night is going to attract attention?”
“Sure. But you don’t really look like a guy even in that outfit. So people who look at you are going to be distracted wondering if you’re a woman dressed as a man, or a man with effeminate features.”
I frowned, looking down at my chest. “The boobs are sort of a dead giveaway, don’t you think?”
She laughed. “You’ve been on South Street before. Have you never seen men with boobs there?”
She had a point, but I still wasn’t happy with the idea of drawing eyes toward me. Barbie looked me up and down, tapping her chin. “Maybe we need to make a nice bulge in those pants, just to increase the gender confusion.”
“Do you really think this is going to work?” I asked skeptically. My mind kept conjuring images of cops converging on me with guns drawn.
“Yes. If people are preoccupied wondering if you’re a boy or a girl, they won’t be thinking to themselves, ‘Gee, that woman looks familiar. Maybe she’s that fugitive exorcist I’m supposed to be keeping my eye out for.’”
I can’t say I was entirely convinced. However, I had to agree I was harder to recognize now than I had been when I’d been wearing my jeans. Besides, I would have Raphael with me for company. If I saw anyone in uniform, I could make sure to put him between me and them.