“You should have known I could take care of myself,” she said.
A moment's silence, and then his voice again, angry this time, angry and desperate and weary, weary as age and entropy and the death of the stars. “As God sees me, Ivanova, I didn't come to take care of you.”
Something closed inside her; she had not noticed the hope she felt until she lost it.
“You told me that Father discovered something in a simulation of yours. That he expected me to be able to figure it out myself. I thought you had left the simulation on the terminal, but when I went back to the station it was off.”
“Was it?”
“You know it was, Nova, nobody but you could cancel the program. I have to see it.”
“Why?”
He looked at her in disbelief. “I know you're sleepy, Novinha, but surely you've realized that whatever Father discovered in your simulation, that was what the piggies killed him for.”
She looked at him steadily, saying nothing. He had seen her look of cold resolve before.
“Why aren't you going to show me? I'm the Zenador now, I have a right to know.”
“You have a right to see all of your father's files and records. You have a right to see anything I've made public.”
“Then make this public.”
Again she said nothing.
“How can we ever understand the piggies if we don't know what it was that Father discovered about them?” She did not answer. “You have a responsibility to the Hundred Worlds, to our ability to comprehend the only alien race still alive. How can you sit there and– what is it, do you want to figure it out yourself? Do you want to be first? Fine, be first, I'll put your name on it, Ivanova Santa Catarina von Hesse–”
“I don't care about my name.”
“I can play this game, too. You can't figure it out without what I know, either– I'll withhold my files from you, too!”
“I don't care about your files.”
It was too much for him. “What do you care about then? What are you trying to do to me?” He took her by the shoulders, lifted her out of her chair, shook her, screamed in her face. “It's my father they killed out there, and you have the answer to why they killed him, you know what the simulation was! Now tell me, show me!”
“Never,” she whispered.
His face was twisted in agony. “Why not!” he cried.
“Because I don't want you to die.”
She saw comprehension come into his eyes. Yes, that's right, Libo, it's because I love you, because if you know the secret, then the piggies will kill you, too. I don't care about science, I don't care about the Hundred Worlds or relations between humanity and an alien race, I don't care about anything at all as long as you're alive.
The tears finally leapt from his eyes, tumbled down his cheeks. “I want to die,” he said.
“You comfort everybody else,” she whispered. “Who comforts you?”
“You have to tell me so I can die.”
And suddenly his hands no longer held her up; now he clung to her so she was supporting him. “You're tired,” she whispered, “but you can rest.”
“I don't want to rest,” he murmured. But still he let her hold him, let her draw him away from the terminal.
She took him to her bedroom, turned back the sheet, never mind the dust flying. “Here, you're tired, here, rest. That's why you came to me, Libo. For peace, for consolation.” He covered his face with his hands, shaking his head back and forth, a boy crying for his father, crying for the end of everything, as she had cried. She took off his boots, pulled off his trousers, put her hands under his shirt to ride it up to his arms and pull it off over his head. He breathed deeply to stop his sobbing and raised his arms to let her take his shirt.
She laid his clothing over a chair, then bent over him to pull the sheet back across his body. But he caught her wrist and looked pleadingly at her, tears in his eyes. “Don't leave me here alone,” he whispered. His voice was thick with desperation. “Stay with me.”
So she let him draw her down to the bed, where he clung to her tightly until in only a few minutes sleep relaxed his arms. She did not sleep, though. Her hand gently, dryly slipped along the skin of his shoulder, his chest, his waist. «Oh, Libo, I thought I had lost you when they took you away, I thought I had lost you as well as Pipo.» He did not hear her whisper. «But you will always come back to me like this.» She might have been thrust out of the garden because of her ignorant sin, like Eva. But, again like Eva, she could bear it, for she still had Libo, her Ad o.
Had him? Had him? Her hand trembled on his naked flesh. She could never have him. Marriage was the only way she and Libo could possibly stay together for long– the laws were strict on any colony world, and absolutely rigid under a Catholic License. Tonight she could believe he would want to marry her, when the time came. But Libo was the one person she could never marry.
For he would then have access, automatically, to any file of hers that he could convince the computer he had a need to see– which would certainly include all her working files, no matter how deeply she protected them. The Starways Code declared it. Married people were virtually the same person in the eyes of the law.
She could never let him study those files, or he would discover what his father knew, and it would be his body she would find on the hillside, his agony under the piggies' torture that she would have to imagine every night of her life. Wasn't the guilt for Pipo's death already more than she could bear? To marry him would be to murder him. Yet not to marry him would be like murdering herself, for if she was not with Libo she could not think of who she would be then.
How clever of me. I have found such a pathway into hell that I can never get back out.
She pressed her face against Libo's shoulder, and her tears skittered down across his chest.
Chapter 4
Ender
We have identified four piggy languages. The “Males' Language” s the one we have most commonly heard. We have also heard snatches of “Wives' Language,” which they apparently use to converse with the females (how's that for sexual differentiation!), and “Tree Language,” a ritual idiom that they say is used in praying to the ancestral totem trees. They have also mentioned a fourth language, called “Father Tongue,” which apparently consists of beating different-sized sticks together. They insist that it is a real language, as different from the others as Portuguese is from English. They may call it Father Tongue because it's done with sticks of wood, which come from trees, and they believe that trees contain the spirits of their ancestors.
The piggies are marvelously adept at learning human languages– much better than we are at learning theirs. In recent years they have come to speak either Stark or Portuguese among themselves most of the time when we're with them, Perhaps they revert to their own languages when we aren't present. They may even have adopted human languages as their own, or perhaps they enjoy the new languages so much that they use them constantly as a game. Language contamination is regrettable, but perhaps was unavoidable if we were to communicate with them at all.
Dr. Swingler asked whether their names and terms of address reveal anything about their culture. The answer is a definite yes, though I have only the vaguest idea what they reveal. What matters is that we have never named any of them. Instead, as they learned Stark and Portuguese, they asked us the meanings of words and then eventually announced the names they had chosen for themselves (or chosen for each other). Such names as “Rooter” and “Chupaceu” (sky-sucker) could be translations of their Male Language names or simply foreign nicknames they chose for our use.
They refer to each other as brothers. The females are always called wives, never sisters or mothers. They sometimes refer to fathers, but inevitably this term is used to refer to ancestral totem trees. As for what they call us, they do use human, of course, but they have also taken to using the new Demosthenian Hierarchy of Exclusion. They refer to humans as framlings, and to piggies of other tribes as utlannings. Oddly, though, they refer to themselves as ramen, showing that they either misunderstand the hierarchy or view themselves from the human perspective! And– quite an amazing turn– they have several times referred to the females as varelse!