— SB
"Open a window. This smell is making me sick," Mary K. complained.
I put down my paint roller and flung open one of my bedroom windows. Instantly frigid air rolled in, dispelling the sour, chemical smell of the wall paint I stepped back to admire what my sister and I had already done. Two walls of my room were now a pale coffee-with-cream color. The other two walls were still covered by the childish pink stripes I was trying to obliterate. I grinned, already pleased with the transformation. I was changing, and my room was changing to keep up.
"You're only going to live here for another year," Mary K. pointed out, carefully edging a line by the ceiling. A paint-spattered bandanna covered her hair, and though she was in sweatpants and a ratty old sweater, she looked like a fresh-faced teen singer. "Unless you go to Vassar or SUNY New Paltz or something and just commute."
"Well, I don't have to decide about that for a while," I said.
"But why worry about your room now?" Mary K. asked.
"I can't take this pink anymore," I said, rolling a swath of paint over the wallpaper.
"Remember when I asked you if you'd had sex?" Mary K. suddenly said, almost making me drop my roller. "With Cal?"
There it was, the familiar wince and stomach clench I felt whenever that name was mentioned.
"Yeah?" I said warily.
"So, did you guys ever do it? After we talked?"
I took a breath and slowly released it to the count of ten. I focused on rolling a smooth, broad line of paint across the wall, feathering the edges and rolling over any drips. "No," I managed to say calmly. "No, we never did." A bad thought occurred to me. "You and Bakker. ."
"No," she said. "That was why he always got so mad."
She was only fourteen, though a mature and curvy fourteen. I felt incredibly thankful that Bakker hadn't managed to push her further than she was ready to go.
I, on the other hand, was seventeen. I'd always assumed that Cal and I would make love someday, when I was ready—but the times he'd tried, I said no. I wasn't sure why, though now I wondered if my subconscious had picked up on the fact that I wasn't in a safe situation, that I couldn't trust Cal the way I would need to trust him to go to bed with him. Yet I had loved the other things we had done: the intense making out, how we had touched each other, the way magick had added a whole other dimension to our closeness. Now I would never know what it felt like to make love with Cal.
"How about Hunter?" Mary K. asked, looking down at me thoughtfully from her ladder.
"What about him?" I tried to sound careless, but I couldn't quite pull it off.
"Do you think you'll go to bed with him?"
"Mary K.," I said, feeling my cheeks heat up. "We're not even dating. Sometimes we don't even get along.”
“That's the way it always starts," Mary K. said with fourteen-year-old wisdom.
We'd started early; so we finished the walls around lunchtime. While I cleaned up the painting equipment, Mary k. went down to the kitchen and made us some sandwiches. Recently she'd gotten into eating healthy food, so the sandwiches were peanut-butter and banana on seven-grain bread. Surprisingly, they were good.
I polished off my sandwich, then took a sip of Diet Coke. "Ah, that hits the spot," I said.
"All that artificial stuff is bad for you," Mary K. said, but her voice was listless. I regarded her with concern. It really was taking her a while to come out of her depression over Bakker.
"Hey. What are you doing this afternoon?" I asked, thinking maybe we could hit the mall, or go to a matinee movie, or do some other sisterly activity.
"Not much. I thought maybe I'd go to the three o'clock mass," she said.
I laughed, startled. "Church on a Monday? What's going on?" I asked. "You becoming a nun?"
Mary K. smiled slightly. "I just feel. . you know, with everything going on—I just need extra help. Extra support. I can get that at church. I want to be more in touch with my faith."
I sipped my Diet Coke and couldn't think of anything constructive to say. In the silence I suddenly thought, Hunter, and then the phone rang.
I lunged for it. "Hey, Hunter," I said.
"I want to see you," Hunter said with his usual lack of greeting. "There's an antiques fair half an hour from here. I was wondering if you wanted to go."
Mary K. was looking at me, and I raised my eyebrows at her. "An antiques fair?" was my scintillating reply.
"Yes. It could be interesting. It's nearby, in Kaaterskill."
Mary K. was watching the expressions cross my face, and I pantomimed my jaw dropping. "Hunter, is this a date?" I asked for Mary K.'s benefit, and she sat up straighten looking intrigued.
Silence. I smiled into the phone. "You know, this sort of sounds like a date," I pressed him. "I mean, are we meeting for business reasons?"
Mary K. started snickering quietly. "We're two friends getting together," Hunter said, sounding very British. "I don't know why you feel compelled to label it."
"Anyone else coming?"
"Well, no."
"And you're not calling it a date?"
"Would you like to come or not?" he asked stiffly. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.
"I'll come," I said, and hung up. "I think Hunter just asked me out." I told Mary K.
"Wow," she said, grinning.
I skipped upstairs to take a shower, wondering how, when my life was so stressful and scary, I could feel so happy.
Hunter picked me up in Sky's car twenty minutes later. My wet hair hung in a long, heavy braid down my back. I offered him a Diet Coke and he shuddered; then we were on our way to Kaaterskill.
"Why did you care if this was a date or not?" he asked suddenly.
I was startled into an honest reply. "I wanted to know where we stand."
He glanced at me. He was really good-looking, and my brain was suddenly bombarded with images of how he had been when we were kissing, how intense and passionate he'd seemed. I looked out my window.
"And where do we stand?" he asked softly. "Do you want this to be a date?"
Now I was embarrassed. "Oh, I don't know."
Then Hunter took my hand in his and brought it to his mouth and kissed it, and my breathing went shallow.
"I want it to be what you want," he said, driving with one hand and not looking at me.
“I'll let you know when I figure it out," I said shakily.
The antiques fair took place in a huge warehouse-like barn in the middle of rural New York. There weren't many people there—it was the last day. Everything looked kind of picked through, but still, I enjoyed the time with Hunter, the time without magick involved. My mood got even better when I found a little carved box that would be perfect for my mom and an old brass barometer that my dad would love. Two Christmas gifts that I could cross off my list. I was woefully behind on my holiday shopping. Christmas was coming up fast and I'd barely thought about it. Our coven was planning a Yule celebration, too, but fortunately that didn't involve any gift-giving.
I was engrossed in the contents of an old dentist's cabinet when Hunter called me over. "Look at these," he said, pointing to a selection of Amish-type quilts. I'd always liked Amish quilts, with their bright, solid colors and comforting geometry of design. The one Hunter was pointing to was unusual in that it had a circular motif.
"It's a pentacle," I said softly, touching the cotton with my fingertips. "A circle with a star inside." The background was black, with a nine-patch design in each corner in shades of teal, red, and purple. The large circle touched each of the four sides and was of purple cotton. A red five-pointed star filled the circle, and a nine-patch square was centered in the star. It was gorgeous.