I don’t know how long I laid there like that, but I fell asleep. I woke to a knock on the door. I looked out the peephole and felt so much relief that I whispered his name when I saw him. I opened the door.
“Contessa.” His voice was rough.
“Capo.” I leaned on the door, looking up at his eyes, sunken and tired and a little bloodshot. They flinched when I called him that then warmed.
“Send me away,” he said. “Slam this door in my face.”
I stepped aside and let him in.
“I tried to stay away,” he said. “I’ve never wanted a woman this much in my life. I’d burn cities to have you. I’d fight armies. I’d commit murder to take you right now.”
I grabbed his lapels and pulled off his jacket. He let me slide it down his arms. I didn’t ask him any questions as I unbuttoned his cuffs. I didn’t ask how he was when I undid the front of his shirt. I must have been a sight with my swollen eyes and stained cheeks.
He touched his thumb to the hollow of my eye. “You were crying.”
I put my fingers on his lips, shushing him, and he kissed the tips.
“I can’t keep away from you,” he rasped.
“Don’t. Don’t ever.” I took his hand. “Come. Let’s wash tonight off.”
I pulled him upstairs, walking backward. Halfway up, he lifted me. I hooked my legs around his waist and my arms around his shoulders, letting him carry me to my bedroom. We didn’t kiss but kept our eyes open and our faces close, sharing breath and space.
He set me on my dresser. I finished unbuttoning his shirt and slid it off. I got his undershirt off so fast his gold charm clinked and dropped. That’s when I noticed the yellow hospital wristband.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I’m fine.”
“You were admitted.”
“Somebody had to be. For the records. Otherwise they have to report a gunshot wound, even in the hand. Nobody wants that.”
I inspected his face for a second.
“What is it, Contessa?”
“You took him to the hospital?”
“To a doctor I know at the hospital. We have people for emergencies.”
My face got hot again. I felt my nose tingle and my eyes moisten. “You didn’t kill him?”
“No.”
A breath whooshed out of my mouth, and I cried with a smile. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to see you again. I didn’t mean—” I was lost in tears.
“He’s ambitious, and he saw an opening. What he did is past forgiving, but I kept seeing your face.” He looked away and set his jaw. “If he comes near you again, I will kill him.”
He held my chin in those powerful hands and tilted my face up. Our mouths crashed together. Our arms twined around each other, seeking purchase, finding it, an moving again.
He brought his lips to my ear and whispered, “When you left my office, I thought I’d never see you again, and it made me crazy. I was so angry at myself, I did stupid things it’ll take years to fix. God forgive me.”
I held him, kissing his neck and cheek with all the tenderness and forgiveness I could manage. It wasn’t enough, not by a lot, but it was all I had. I wanted his skin against mine. I pulled my shirt off and twisted out of my bra.
Looking down, he touched my nipples with the backs of his fingers. “This is wrong. We’re wrong. You and I. One of us is going to get the other one killed.”
“I think about you all the time.”
“I can’t let you into my world. It won’t work. They’ll rip you to shreds.”
“I touch myself thinking of you.”
“I’ve done things I can never talk about. Even knowing what they are could hurt you.”
I slid off the dresser and took his hands. “Come with me.” I led him to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I wiggled out of my pants then reached for his waistband.
“This doesn’t fix anything,” he said.
“There’s nothing to fix.” I unfastened his trousers, and they dropped to the floor. I reached into his underwear and got out his cock. “This works.”
“It’s for fucking you.”
I snapped the shower door open. “Never stop putting that cock in me.”
He kissed me hard, pushing my head against the wall. “God help me. You make me crazy. We can’t be together, but you’re all I think about. Making you mine completely.”
“I’ll be yours. Let me be,” I said.
“You’ll be destroyed, Contessa. Peacetime is over. If anything happened to you—”
“We won’t tell anyone. I’ll be your secret, and you’ll be mine. We’ll meet in the night, when no one can see.”
“It’s too late for that.”
“No, we’ll say it’s over. It’s that, or nothing. If never seeing me again works for you, then go. I won’t chase you again.”
“Promise?” he asked.
His body relaxed, and I thought he was really going to go. It seemed impossible that his body wouldn’t be pressed on mine, but it was his choice to make.
“I promise. I have the will to do it.”
He put his nose to mine, his eyes scanning my face, then dropped his gaze. “I believe you.” He kissed me, and the rigid pressure of his body returned. “You have the will, but I don’t. I have to have you. Tonight and after, you’re mine. Your first loyalty is to me. Every moan on your lips. Every wet drop from your cunt. When the thought of fucking crosses your mind, it’s mine. Say it.”
“I’m yours, Capo.”
“No more halfway bullshit.”
I swallowed nervously, because I didn’t want to test our resolve or find out his desire truly was halfway, but I wanted to surrender completely to our pledge.
“I want your skin on my skin.” I hated to bring it up, but it was my last chance. “After I found out Daniel cheated on me, I got tested for everything. I’m clean. And I left the IUD in.”
He smiled, and my heart opened. “I’m a condom guy.”
“Every time?”
“Of course.”
“No halfway bullshit, then.”
I got into the shower. He peeled off his underwear and joined me.
The water was hot and powerful. He leaned his head back and let it fall over his face in rivulets. The water darkened his lashes, making them stick together. I rolled the rectangle of soap in my hands then put them on his neck, running soap over the curves of his body. Shoulders, biceps, forearms, the space of his chest under the gold chain with the circle charm. He enfolded my hands in his, transferring the soap.
“What’s this?” I asked, touching the gold medal.
“Saint Christopher. Patron saint of protection.”
“Does it work?” I kissed it and the skin around it.
“Am I dead?”
I took his cock in my hand. “Apparently not.”
Turning me, he put his hands between my shoulders, my ass, the backs of my thighs, then up the crack, massaging my pussy with his finger and my ass with his thumb. I picked up my leg and rested it on the ledge so he could get his fingers farther into me.
“Oh God, Antonio. I’ve wanted you for days.”
“I’m going to fuck you so hard, little princess. I’m going to break you in two.”
I twisted to face him.“Do it. Take me hard.”
He looped his arm under my knee, pulling it up. The skin of his dick was so smooth on my pussy, he stretched and slid into me. He had to thrust twice more to get all the way in, hitching up my leg. He was so rough that I had no choice but to be a doll in his hands.
“You’re so fucking hot,” he said, pressing his thumb to my ass.
“Hard, please, Capo. Take me hard.”