“I need to see you again soon,” he said into my cheek.
“You’ll come secretly in the night.”
“Yes. I will. Be ready.”
Downstairs, the door opened and banged shut.
“Maybe not so secretly,” I said.
“Ah, this is the director?”
“Yeah.”
“Is there another way out?”
“No,” I said. “But I trust her.”
He got up. “Good for you.”
We went downstairs together, dressed and clean, to find Katrina standing in front of the television with a quart of salty vanilla ice cream and a spoon.
“You’re up early,” she called over her shoulder. “Did I wake… Oh, hello,” she said when she turned. “Nice to see you again, Mister Spin.”
“Katrina, you’re up late. Or early, perhaps?”
She put her ice cream down and jammed the spoon into it. “Because I’m amazing!” She threw her arms up like a cheerleader.
“Oh dear, what now?” I crossed my arms.
“I got post-production financing!”
“Oh my god! How? Who? What?”
She said the next part so cheerfully, as if painting on a cartoon face. “Scott Mabat.” She did a little jazz hands shake.
“What?” I yelled.
“Gesu Cristo!” Antonio exclaimed.
Her knees bent, and her hands went from jazz to stop. “I have a plan.”
“This better be good, Directrix.”
“I take the money, start post, and get fresh financing from this German investor who’s been sniffing around. I can keep the energy up, then just pay him off when the German money comes in.”
“That guy”—Antonio pointed—“is a lowlife. Okay? He is worthless shit, and he’s sick in the head. How much did you get from him?”
“Hundred thou,” she said.
Antonio and I groaned.
“That’s what it costs to finish a movie, guys. And that’s cheap. I’m sorry but these are realities.”
“Screw the Germans,” I said. “I’m giving you the money.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. I’ll pay the note, and you’ll be done with it.” I turned to walk Antonio out. “Come on, I’ll finish with her.”
“Hey, Spin,” called Katrina as I opened the door. “You should come to the wrap party Saturday night. Strong chance of epic.”
“I’ll think about it,” he said.
I pushed him outside and closed the door behind us. The stars were drowned out by the light of Los Angeles.
“You’re coming up with that kind of money?” he asked.
“Yes. My family is well-off. I have a trust, and I can use it for whatever I want.”
He put his fingers on my chin. “I know all about your family. If Scott wants cash, you do not transport it by yourself. And you are not to see him without me. No negotiating.”
“We’re supposed to be a secret.”
“Call him, don’t see him. I’m serious. You don’t know what you’re exposing yourself to.”
I put my hands on his chest. He’d left his jacket upstairs for me, and I felt his muscles through the shirt. “I’ll stay away from all the loan sharks in Los Angeles.”
“Please. I ask only this, please.”
“How are you getting home? You came in my car.”
“Don’t worry about me.”
I pulled away a little, so I could see the entirety of his face. “Don’t feel pressured to answer this question.”
“I won’t.”
“Did she stay gentle? Or did she become cunning and hard?”
“She stayed gentle.”
I didn’t feel right pressing him further. We kissed again, and I let him go.
twenty-nine.
A movie opening with Daniel seemed like the easiest, most convenient way to make sure Antonio and I didn’t look attached. If he needed us to be a secret as long as possible, a few public sightings with Daniel Brower would do the trick.
—I’m going to a movie with Daniel—
He didn’t return the text. I thought nothing of it. We were in stealth mode after all.
Big Girls was a huge, star-studded drama about a hot-button issue. The script was built for award-winning performances, and the director had a long career of pushing talent to the limit. So even without any car chases, explosions, aliens, terrorists, or trips to outer space, the film had been declared one for the historical lexicon.
I’d noticed the bald man outside the morning after Antonio left, and again when I’d gotten home from set. I saw him through the window, sometimes smoking or poking at his phone. I’d gotten close to him once, just long enough to confirm I didn’t know him and the walking-through-dirt scent of Turkish cigarettes emanated from him. I didn’t mention him to Gerry when I confirmed I’d go to the movie with Daniel or when I met my ex outside the limo door.
I’d ended up agreeing to everything just for the sake of convenience. Even uptight, rich bitches had to deal with parking woes in Hollywood that were ameliorated with a limo.
“You look stunning.”
“No flattery tonight, Dan. I’m just here to keep you from biting your nails.”
He smiled and stopped me before I got in. “There are four guys in there. One is a bodyguard. The other three are going to talk my ear off about the press conference tomorrow.”
“That’s fine.”
“I brought you this.” He out held his hand. In his palm sat my engagement ring. I’d thrown it at him, huge stone and all.
Daniel had scrupulously saved to get me a ring that wouldn’t embarrass him in front of my wealthy family. It hadn’t mattered to me, but it mattered to him. He took me up to the Griffith Observatory on a night when Saturn was close and bright. He helped me onto the apple box as the astronomer showed me how to look into the telescope. There, with Saturn’s rings as close and tangible as they’d ever be, he slipped the ring on my finger and said, “This ring around our world, Tink.”
I picked up the ring. Did he say that? Or did he say, my world? Did it matter?
“You don’t have to give it back,” I said.
“The wronged party keeps the ring.”
“No, the one who initiates the break up surrenders it. You would have stayed if I’d let you.”
“Just take it.” He opened the door. “One day, maybe you’ll put it on again.”
I got into the car, holding the ring. There were indeed four men in the back, and they did indeed talk strategy the whole way to the theater. Though I understood what they were talking about and I would have had plenty to contribute before the break up, I felt disconnected. It just wasn’t fun anymore. I was watching animals in the zoo discuss their escape, but I was already outside. I’d moved on.
Cameras flashed, and Daniel answered questions as we entered. I smiled. I’d done it a hundred times, yet I couldn’t believe I’d almost agreed to a life of it.
Right around the middle of the movie, the heroine and her husband had brutal, bruising sex, and I thought of Antonio. I wanted it again. Hard and fast with a side of hair pulling intensity, him grabbing me from behind as if he would tear me apart. When the movie ended and I stood, a drop of warm fluid escaped my underwear and ran down my thigh. I pressed my legs together to stop it.
“Are you okay?” Daniel asked as we got into the limo alone. The others seemed to have been dispensed with. “You seem flushed.”
“I’m okay.”
“I meant what I said.” He touched my jaw by my ear, a move that had always made me shudder. “You are beautiful.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m seeing if I lost you,” he whispered, coming close to me.