“Hey,” he said. “You doing all right?”
Kara held the guitar tightly, silenced. “Fine.”
“You ready for dinner?”
“I’m not very hungry, actually.”
That stopped him. He frowned, apparently trying to sort out what to say next. “That song sounded really pretty. Why did you stop?”
Kara could not think of a reply, so instead she let her fingers begin to drift over the guitar’s strings again, picking up the song roughly where she left off, but she didn’t sing. She hung her head, tuning him out and the song in.
“I know we need to talk,” her father said, stepping farther into the room. And why the hell was he doing that, when she’d made it so obvious that she wanted him to leave? “I figured it could wait until dinner, but maybe it can’t.”
Kara looked up at him. “Can’t what?”
“Wait.”
She kept playing, the haunting tune soft, lyrics in her mind if not on her lips. She hated girls who got all drama queen over something minor like this, but couldn’t help herself.
It isn’t minor, she told herself.
“Kara,” her father said. “Look, you need to talk to me. Nobody in the world knows you like I do. This morning, in Yamato-sensei’s office
… I know you were hiding something. You weren’t telling him everything, and that scares me. Not to mention it puts me in a situation that could get really awkward. I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong, except for not telling him whatever it is you know-”
Her hands fumbled a discordant note and she turned to stare at him.
“Are you kidding me, Dad? Seriously?” Kara shook her head. “You could have prepared me better for this morning. You could have warned me. When we were in there, you could’ve taken my goddamn side! I haven’t done anything wrong, not that you even care about that, and you just let him interrogate me like that?”
Her father stared at her like she was a stranger. He cocked his head.
“I did take your side, if you recall. And Yamato-sensei called me on it. I don’t know what this is really about, Kara, but you can’t distract me from the fact that you’re hiding something by lashing out.”
Kara stood up, swung her guitar around to hang across her back from its strap, and turned to face him.
“Oh, I’m hiding something? I guess that means I’m the one who promised we’d start over together, that we’d be a team. Wait, no, I don’t think that was me after all. Just like it isn’t me telling the first woman to come along that he’s in love with her, but not letting his daughter in on that little detail. So much for the team supreme!”
Her father flinched. “That’s what this is about?”
Kara grabbed her keys and cell phone off her bureau, stalked toward him, and faced off with her father at the threshold to her room.
“Remember what you said, Dad? You said we were doing this for Mom as much as we were for us.” She gritted her teeth to keep from crying, hating the uncontrollable emotions surging up inside her but unable to put the brakes on. “So much for that!”
She started toward him and her father stepped aside, then seemed to think better of it and pursued her down the short hall and across the living room toward the front door.
“Kara, stop. You’re not going anywhere,” he said, voice stern.
At the door she turned, guitar still hanging across her back. “I need some me time, Dad. But you’re all about the me time lately, so I’m sure you understand. I’m going to go find a quiet place to sit and play my guitar.”
“I’m not sure it’s safe,” he said. “I don’t want you out after dark, Kara. Those kids-”
“It’s not dark yet,” she retorted, though night would not be far off. “Besides, they’re runaways, remember? And I’m not running away,” she said, voice breaking. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
She slammed the door on her way out.
7
A t the rear of the dormitory, on the first floor, the students’ dining room faced the narrow strip of lawn and the deep woods beyond. The boarding students at Monju-no-Chie school ate breakfast and dinner-and picked up their bento boxes for lunch-in this room, and some commuting students had special meal plans that allowed them to eat there as well if they were arriving early for school or leaving late for home.
During the day, the tall windows provided a pretty, though limited, view, and even now at dusk, the well-maintained grounds and shadowed woods had an air of quiet peace. But when the night arrived in full, the windows would turn black. Very little moonlight made it into the gap between the rear of the dorm and the thick pines behind it. Once, it wouldn’t have bothered Miho at all. But now she didn’t like to be down here after dark. Not by herself.
Fortunately, she wasn’t alone.
“It’s very sweet of you to help me like this,” she said without looking up from her work. Her hand had to remain absolutely steady as she painted the eyes of one of the masks for the Noh play.
“I’m happy to help,” Ren replied. “This is much more fun than homework.”
Miho smiled to herself as she finished the upper line of an eye. Being around Ren made her feel flush with embarrassment. Not that she had anything to be embarrassed about. As far as he knew, Miho only paid attention to American boys-of which there were precisely zero at their school-so he couldn’t possibly know she had a crush on him, unless Kara or Sakura had told him, and she knew they hadn’t.
The embarrassment came from being so near him, and wanting to kiss him, which made her feel even more shy and awkward than usual. Ren always seemed so relaxed around her, so himself, and she envied that. He was funny and charming, didn’t care what anyone else thought, and, yes, it didn’t hurt that he was beautiful.
“Really,” she said, going back to painting, taking a deep breath, forcing her fingers to hold steady. “When I asked Sakura at dinner, I wasn’t trying to recruit you. I hope you didn’t think-”
“Miho,” Ren said.
She finished the line of the lower eyelid and glanced up.
Ren smiled. His bronze hair stuck up in spiky tufts. “It’s really not a major thing. Sakura has a paper to finish, and I don’t. You didn’t drag me here in chains, I volunteered. Besides, we don’t usually hang out just the two of us. I thought it would be nice.”
Miho’s heart raced and her skin prickled. His eyes were like copper. She nodded once.
“It is nice,” she said. “Very.”
Ren seemed to study her a moment, curiosity piqued. Miho glanced down at the mask she was working on, brain slightly frozen, and then remembered what to do next. She set about switching colors, dabbing a brush in gold paint to fill in the eyes. She would add the pupils at the end. As she worked, she wondered if he had been leading anywhere with those comments. Had he meant that he wanted to spend time with her, just the two of them, because he liked her? What would happen now? Would he ask her out? What would Sakura do? What, with her American upbringing, would Kara do?
Long minutes passed in silence and she couldn’t stand it anymore.
Resolutely refusing to look up, turned almost completely away from him, she spoke.
“We’re all going to the Toro Nagashi Festival on Saturday night, right?”
“Definitely,” Ren replied.
“Maybe you and I could go together,” she said, so quickly and quietly that for a second she wasn’t even sure if the words had come out, if she’d had the courage to say them.
Miho stared into the single, finished gold eye of the demon mask on the table in front of her, and it stared back, and again she felt frozen.
“We are going together,” Ren said, a chuckle in his voice. “Didn’t we just establish… oh. Wait, you meant… oh.”
She closed her eyes tightly, flushing now with an entirely different sort of embarrassment. Her stomach ached. Mortified, she had no idea what to say next, and then Ren touched her arm and, as though commanded by some stage hypnotist, she turned toward him.