"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to play with knives?" Remo chided the major in his arms, whose face had become a study in horror. With one finger, Remo flicked the dagger from the man's hand, then crushed his skull to the consistency of used tea bags.
Back at the podium, a crowd had assembled to marvel at the two sabers, which still quivered on either side of General Elalhassein's legs. He was blubbering and incanting singsong prayers as the other officers tried vainly to remove the swords from the wood of the bleachers. "Did I miss something?" Remo asked.
The general cast a fearful glance his way and began screaming incoherently. He was led away by the other officers.
Randy Nooner stepped from her spot on the podium, catching Remo by the arm. "How did you do that?" she asked, her voice artificially even.
"Aw shucks, ma'am. T'warn't nothing. Who's your friend?" He nodded toward Artemis, who seemed oblivious to the goings-on, immersed as he was in folding and unfolding a piece of paper in his hands.
Randy called him over. "This is Artemis Thwill, our new religious leader," she said quietly, clasping
106
her hands tightly together to keep them from trembling. It was an activity she had begun as soon as she saw the sabers falling from the sky.
"Well, nice to meet you, Artemis. Say, you aren't the same guy who was talking to the troops at Fort Wheeler, are you?
Artemis did not respond or change his expression. The worn piece of paper in his hands folded and unfolded.
Randy Nooner looked at Artemis, then at Remo. She looked back at Artemis. Her hands stopped shaking. She smiled. Brilliantly. She had an idea. "He's the one," she said, suddenly cheerful. "I'll arrange for you to talk to him at his home after the conference. Would you like that?"
"Oh, yes I would," Remo said. "I certainly would like to meet Mr. Artemis and talk things over with him."
"Good. Artemis?" She poked at Thwill's inert figure, as he folded and refolded his speech in his hands. "Artemis!" Randy yelled.
Thwill looked up, bewildered. "What? Did you say something?"
"Remo is going to pay you a visit after the press conference. Isn't that nice? He's going to be your special friend."
"Uh huh," Artemis agreed tonelessly, resuming folding his speech.
"I said he's going to be your special friend, dumdum. Get it?" She dug her nails into his arm.
"Special ..." His face colored as he remembered with pleasure the parade of drifters and loners whom he took to be his special friends back in the days before celebrity took his one amusement in
107
life, killing people, away from him. He recalled fondly the special friends of his past and the inventive methods by which they met their ends. "Sure," Artemis said, gratitude pouring from his heart. "My special friend. Thank you, Randy. Thank you."
108
Ten
In light of General Elalhassein's indisposition, Randy Nooner took the podium. "Ladies and gentlemen of the press," she said. "I stand before you now in defiance of the army which I serve. I and the other officers at Fort Vadassar do this in order to protect the men under our command from the same fate that befell those innocent soldiers at Forts Ant-werth, Beson, Tannehill, and Wheeler, whose lives were snuffed out by the machinations of the United States government under the direction of the Pentagon."
Chiun shifted restlessly in his seat, grumbling. "There is not even marching in this army," he complained. "No singing, no combat, nothing. Just speeches. Talk and swimming pools. Let us go back to the other camp, Remo, the one where you are rightly considered a dangerous lunatic. That place was much more enjoyable."
"Smith wants us here."
"Talk, talk, talk," he groused. "The Quati have always been excessive talkers."
"Quati?"
"Those men who were seated here with the gold
109
decorations on their hats and their silly sabers. Knives, always knives with the Quati. They fear using their hands for anything more exerting than feeling melons."
"They're the ranking officers of this base," Remo said.
"Quati," Chiun insisted stubbornly. "I can still smell the stench of roasted lamb in their bellies."
Randy Nooner looked back at them angrily, demanding silence. Remo sat back smiling attentively, his arms folded in front of him.
"The first and foremost question each of you undoubtedly is asking is why," she continued. "Why would the military headquarters of our nation wish to murder its own soldiers? For this I must direct your attention to one who was well loved by those martyred soldiers, for it was out of love for him that the victims of the Pentagon's purge of the faithful were forced to give up their lives rather than forsake their savior."
She breathed deeply, allowing a stricken look to settle over her face. "He was injured yesterday by the agents of the Pentagon, who wished to silence him, but faith is stronger than death, and by a miracle, he is with us now to shed light and understanding for all peoples. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the earthly vessel of our undying faith, our beloved Artemis."
She stepped down, and the strange-looking longhaired man in white robes took her place at the podium. At the instant he appeared, the 6,000 soldiers stationed in the center of the stadium fell to their knees, bowing low and crying, "Hail Artemis!" and "A miracle!" and "Artemis lives forever!"
The throng of attendant newsmen buzzed with
110
questions and speculation. Flashbulbs popped. Gamera lenses zoomed in for closeups. Teams of reporters for national news magazines whispered possible headlines to one another that were sure to boost circulation. "America's New Savior" would be boxed beside the lead story on the Pentagon Slaughters.
Artemis unfolded his carefully practiced speech and read it exactly as it was written. It was a marvel of prose, ambiguous yet insinuating. It hinted that the soldiers at the stricken camps had turned to Artemis in despair after their maltreatment at the hands of the U.S. Army. It suggested that the military bigwigs learned of the soldiers' new-found faith and regarded it as a threat to their own demands for unquestioned loyalty. It outlined in veiled terms the army's punishment of its chaplains for being powerless to contain the surge of faith directed now at Artemis. The speech did not state that Artemis was God, but left those listening to it assured that he was. It was Artemis Thwill's finest hour.
"And now the greatest fear of all men who cherish faith in their souls has come to pass," he concluded. "The secular powers have determined to obliterate the holiness inherent in all by murdering those of the faith. Even now, a government plot to ..." His voice caught, but he forced himself to go on. ". . . To destroy me is in operation, and it will succeed." '
Gasps of "No!" emanated from the stadium, not only from the recruits but even more loudly from the media representatives who were now won over by the fresh attack on the government that protected attacks on itself, even if they were unjustified and untrue.
Ill
"Before long, I will—I will be dead," Artemis said. "The devils who fear the strength of the faithful will wield their evil might to kill me, hoping to kill the faith that I, in my humble way, have spawned."
He paused. Now that the hard part was over with, Artemis threw himself into the last of his speech with renewed vigor. "But that faith will not die," he intoned, his voice recapturing his former zeal. "The enlightened leadership at Fort Vadassar has made this base a haven for those of the faith. And so, before' the perverted military powers of this government succeed in disposing of my earthly body and bringing calumny to bear on my name, I invite all who cherish truth and the salvation of their souls to gather at Fort Vadassar as a new and independent army to forge the beginnings of a military force founded upon goodness and righteousness."