“Uhn.” I groaned and fell backwards into the midget.
“Ohmigod! Look what you did, you… you… Neanderthal!” Dana yelled, rushing to my aid as she and Micha half lifted, half dragged me onto the sofa.
My vision was going fuzzy but I think I saw No Neck blinking rapidly as he stood with his mouth hanging open. “He ducked. I didn’t mean to hit her. Hell, I wouldn’t hit a girl.”
“Very bad hitting girl. You no honor.” Sasha clucked his tongue and shook his head at No Neck.
“It’s your fault!” No Neck shouted. “You ducked.”
“Shut up, both of you,” Dana yelled, throwing them both the death look.
“Would somebody please get the girl some ice?” I croaked out, feeling my eye start to swell. With any luck it would swell shut and I wouldn’t have to look at myself in the mirror tomorrow. Because I had a sinking feeling it wasn’t going to be pretty.
No Neck grabbed a bag of frozen edamame from the freezer and Dana stuck it on my eye. I cringed, wishing I was on something stronger than Advil. Like Vicodin. Or tequila.
Dana banished No Neck to his room, then ushered the Russian duo out the door. Sasha looked reluctantly at Dana’s skirt (or lack thereof) but conceded as she none too gently slammed the door behind them.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the sofa, wondering what exactly I’d done to deserve this. Was it because I hadn’t gone to mass since Easter? Because I was lusting after Ramirez? Was my mother right? Did God have it in for me now?
Dana sat down on the sofa beside me and blew out a long breath. “How’s your eye?”
“I’m afraid to look.”
Dana pulled the edamame away and inspected. She cringed. “It’s not that bad.”
“Dana, you’re a terrible liar.” I covered it with the frozen soy again, wondering if maybe I could just hibernate in Dana’s bedroom for the rest of the summer.
“I’m so sorry about that,” Dana said. “Men suck.”
“No kidding.”
“That’s it, I’m off men. The whole lot of them. I’ve got my Rabbit Pearl, what do I need a man for anyway?”
At the moment I had to agree. A battery powered rabbit seemed like a far less complicated way to live. At least rabbits didn’t slug you.
Dana diligently woke me every two hours throughout the night. Which was a great way to make sure I didn’t fall into a coma but a lousy way to get a good night’s sleep. By the time I finally felt semi-rested the events of the previous evening had turned into a dull ache behind my eye and the morning had already slipped into afternoon. I sat up with an acute sense of disorientation. I had no idea where I was. This wasn’t my blanket, my pillow, hell, I didn’t even think this was my T-shirt.
Then it all came flooding back to me as I saw No Neck in his boxers pouring orange juice. Dana stood with her back rigid across the kitchen, making toast. Neither speaking to each other.
I slowly got up and showered, cringing as I caught a glimpse of my eye in the mirror. It was bluer than my mother’s eyeshadow and, dare I say, not nearly as attractive. I gave up on the whole make-up thing, figuring I was a lost cause today, and instead borrowed a pair of jeans and a fresh tank from Dana’s closet. Unfortunately the only shoes Dana had in my size were a pair of spike heeled stilettos that looked like they belonged on the feet of Bunny Hoffenmeyer, but beggars can’t be choosers. By the time I came out the Actors’ Standoff was still on, Dana sipping coffee and reading Variety while No Neck ate cereal from the box and glared.
“‘Morning,” Dana said as I walked in. Then looked up at the clock. “Almost.”
“Coffee?” I croaked out.
“In the pot.”
“Bless you.” I navigated around the stoic No Neck and poured a generous helping into an “Aerobics instructors do it until it hurts” mug.
“Ramirez dropped off the keys to your apartment,” Dana said, setting aside her paper. “They’re on the counter.”
“He was here?” I had a vision of him watching as I snored and drooled on the sofa bed.
“Just for a minute. Man, that guy is hot enough to fry bacon.”
No Neck crunched down hard on a bite of cereal.
Dana pretended to ignore him, sipping her coffee.
“Did he say anything else?” I asked. Like maybe how he’d caught the Murderous Mistress so I could go back to my studio without feeling like there was a big target on my head?
“No. Sorry. Just the keys.”
Drat.
“Anyway, I’ve got to get to the gym. I have a spinning class at one. You want to come with me or hang out here?”
Hmmm… take my throbbing head through an hour and a half of sweaty bicycling to nowhere or sit on Dana’s sofa watching daytime TV?
“Thanks, I think I’ll be fine here. You go.”
Dana nodded, finishing her coffee and grabbing her gym bag. She gave me a quick hug, then gave No Neck another death glance out of the corner of her eye before she left. No Neck grunted, then stalked off to his room again.
I poured myself a second cup of coffee and took it into the living room.
Well, now what?
Contrary to my decision to become an official cheerleader last night, the idea of sitting back and doing nothing while waiting for Ramirez to give me the “all clear” signal to go back to my life didn’t appeal to me. And I was more convinced than ever that the real killer was not only on the loose, but that I was getting close enough to make her nervous.
The only problem was, where to go from here? I’d pretty much exhausted Greenway’s supply of playmates. I closed my eyes, mentally going down my list again.
It was possible Carol Carter had hired someone to kill Greenway, but I seriously doubted she’d even know where to find him if she really had been in Canada all week. Ditto Andi Jameson. After the pencil dick incident, I didn’t see Greenway inviting her over to the Moonlight for a reconciliation.
That left Bunny. I only had her word for it that she and Greenway had split at all. And let’s not forget Cinderella. If she had been toying with Greenway on the side, she had just as much opportunity as Bunny to get rid of him.
The question was, which one of them had hacked into the phony accounts and funneled out the twenty mil? Who’d had access to Richard’s computer. As I’d already proven, getting past Jasmine didn’t take the skills of a CIA trained spy, any blonde with half a brain could have slipped into Richard’s office while she was out at lunch. And luckily, my one ally in the Richard’s Innocent Campaign, was the person who’d know the comings and goings of Richard’s office better than anyone. Althea.
I looked up at the clock. It was too late to coincide my inquiry with Jasmine’s lunch break, so I decided to wait until five. If I knew Jasmine, she’d be the first to leave when quitting time rolled around. If I was quick, I could probably catch Althea before she left for the day without having my conversation overheard by Gossip Barbie.
Feeling pretty pleased with my plan, I settled back onto the sofa and watched trashy daytime TV for the rest of the afternoon. Unfortunately, the first thing I flipped on was Maury Povich doing a segment on surprise paternity results. I looked down at my belly. Were there any surprises in there?
I contemplated going out to buy a new pregnancy test, but considering my Jeep was still at my place, it was at least a two mile hike in the rapidly climbing heat to the nearest drug store, and I looked like I’d just gone two rounds with Oscar De La Hoya, I decided that might not be such a hot idea.
Though, I seemed to remember Dana saying something about an emergency just-in-case test…
I muted Maury and went into the bathroom, rummaging through Dana’s medicine cabinet until I hit upon that familiar EPT pink stashed behind a bag of cotton balls. I stared at the box. Well, I figured things couldn’t very well get much worse in my life. I might as well face the music sooner rather than later.