My body quakes with every step I take. Each one is another toward a destiny I cannot escape … a destiny that will slowly peel the goodness out of my soul.
I had only one choice.
Sacrifice my happiness … or sacrifice his life.
I couldn’t choose heartbreak, so I chose ruin instead.
In a white laced dress covered with crystals and with a necklace made of diamonds, I open the door of my chambers and step out into the hallway. There is no one there except Arthur, Phillip’s brother, waiting for me. My father is already at the entrance to the aisle, but I don’t dare go there yet.
I glance at Arthur. He smiles and briefly looks up and down my dress. “You look lovely.”
“Thank you,” I say, smiling a little, but it can’t hide the growing sadness inside me. The closer I get, the more desperate I become to escape from this world for just a moment.
He steps forward and grabs my hand when I stumble. “Careful there.”
“I’m sorry; I’m so clumsy.”
“No need to apologize.” He muffles a laugh, and it sounds genuine, something I haven’t heard in a long while. He cocks his head. “Are you okay?”
I sigh and look at him. “That depends on what you want to hear.”
“I want to hear the truth.”
“Hmm …” I nod. “You’re not like your family.”
“So they say,” he says.
His eyes take me in completely, blinking a couple of times while gazing at me without holding back. Like he’s checking me out, even though he knows he’s not supposed to.
It’s not the first time this has happened, and I’m sure now that we’ll become in-laws, it won’t be the last time.
I clear my throat. “But to answer your question, no. Not at all.”
He frowns. “Is it the dress?”
“No.” I look down at the floor.
“Then what?” He tries to look at me, but I turn my head away.
I don’t want him to see the water in my eyes. I push the tears away immediately. I can’t let anyone see them. Especially my mother. Weakness to her means an opportunity to strike, and I can’t give her that chance.
“I’m fine,” I say, and I try to walk ahead, but he’s still holding my hand.
“You’re not. I can tell.”
“Oh, really?” I jest.
“You’re not a very good liar,” he muses.
“Not yet,” I say. “But I’ll soon be. Just like all of them.”
“You don’t have to be.”
The change in his voice makes me stop and think. I glance over my shoulder at him. “Why’d you say that?”
“You can still choose not to marry him.”
I frown. “How? I don’t have a choice. They’ll kill my … me.”
He steps closer and grabs both my hands. “I know you don’t want this.”
The way he holds me, so carefully, gently, like he wants me to be safe … it instills some sort of need in me that overwhelms me. It makes me want to hug him and confide in him, even though I barely know him. Phillip used to tell me how his brother always wanted what he couldn’t have … but to me, he’s always so nice.
I can hardly believe they’re family.
I take a deep breath, which is hard in this tight dress. “What other choice do I have?”
“Your mother is the one who’s arranging all of this, right? And she’s the one threatening you.”
“Yes,” I say. I don’t understand where he’s going with this.
“If she’s out of the way … Your worries disappear.”
“What? What are you saying?” I gasp, making a face. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“Shh …” He leans in to whisper in my ear. “Hear me out. She’s the one thing who keeps this commitment going. Your mother is the only one who has a hold on you. If you get rid of her, you’re no longer bound to this commitment. You don’t have to marry Phillip.”
I swallow when I hear what he’s saying. It’s like it doesn’t even register. Is he suggesting that I kill my own mother?
“You’d be free.”
These last few words repeat over and over in my head.
Freedom.
It’s all I ever wanted. All I could never have.
Not as long as I was going to marry Phillip.
Not as long as my mother was there to torture my soul.
If she were gone … nothing would keep me from Miles.
But how?
And then it appears, right in front of me. The answer to all my questions. A vial filled with a substance is held out to me. The same kind of vial his mother had used to poison the political opponents of my father.
Like a forbidden secret, he slides it onto my hand, as he whispers into my ear, “You control your own fate. Make your choice.”
***
During the wedding
The wedding ceremony is all a blur to me. Sweat drops trickle down my back as I’m continuously reminded of the lethal weapon sitting in my purse. Every passing second is another one wasted, but I don’t dare move. The consequences of this choice are too heavy. I can’t make such a life-changing decision so quickly.
When we exchange the rings, my eyes can only focus on Phillip for a second before being torn away toward the purse lying on a table in the corner. During the reception, all I can think of is that vial. The thought of using it consumes me. It’s like a devil is on my shoulder, telling me to use it.
However, every time I glance at my mother, my courage leaks out of me.
During dinner, I get up from my seat and walk toward the table with my purse clutched between my clammy fingers. I take out the vial, hide it in my hand, and walk to the table. There’s no one near me; the rest of the guests are all mingling, so now is the perfect time. The drinks are there, and all I need to do is pour it in.
My fingers tremble as I hold out the vial and push off the lid with my thumb. When I’ve made sure no one’s looking, I drip it into a glass and pick it up. I can’t believe what I’m doing as I walk toward the table where his parents and my parents are sitting. Am I really going to kill my own mother? Is it all worth it? I don’t know how or why, but somehow the thought of murdering her makes me sick to my stomach. I hate her … but do I honestly want her dead?
She’s my mother. Even after everything she’s done, I still want her to love me. I always did. After all, she will always be my mother, no matter if she’s alive or dead. Nothing will change that.
I try to prevent my hand from shaking as I bring the glass toward them. The smile on my face is as fake as can be. I wonder if they can see through it. My mother looks up at me, and for the first time in a long while, there’s a genuine smile on her face, almost as if she’s truly happy to see me. Like I’m finally being the daughter she always dreamed I’d be.
That look … it stops my heart.
My mother … She’ll always be my mother, even if we can’t stand each other.
I can’t kill my mother.
I just can’t.
But I won’t let them ruin my life, either.
Someone has to pay for what they did to me. And if I can’t punish my own mother … then it’ll be someone else’s mother instead.
Someone equally responsible for matching me with Phillip.
Someone with just as much influence and hold on our family.
So I hand the glass to Phillip’s mother with a courteous smile. “Bottoms up.”
She takes it from my hand, saying, “Thank you, darling. You’re so sweet.”
“No problem; I don’t like sitting around all night, so I thought I’d give a few people a drink.”
She smiles and brings the glass to her lips. Every movement she makes lets my heart beat faster again. Anxiously, I wait until she takes a sip. When she does, I feel like I’m about to burst out of my skin. I don’t know why I’m feeling so happy, but I do.
Maybe I’m just as evil as my mother is. I enjoy killing this woman a little too much. It doesn’t surprise me, though. After all, she is my mother … and they say apples don’t fall far from the tree. In this case, we’re already rotten to the core.
It takes a little longer for the poison to set in this time. I guess Arthur gave me a little less potent vial. Good, it makes it less easy for the family to realize who it was. After all this time has passed, I’m already dancing on the floor with Phillip, pretending to be a happy couple, as his mother falls to the ground. Unbeknownst to the rest of the guests, I was the one who caused her demise.