The car slowly comes to a stop in the middle of the road, near the field we always used to go to, and I unbuckle my belt so I can breathe a little better. I’m contemplating whether to open the door and get out, so I can get away from Miles, but something inside me is preventing me from leaving. Something … instinctual.
“Listen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have beat him up like that, but I couldn’t let them do what they wanted with you, either.” He leans sideways. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“I know …” I say, swallowing.
He sighs. “I hate seeing you with him.”
“You’re not the only one …” I mutter.
“Then why are you?” The sudden look of desperation on his face has me fazed.
“I’d rather not talk about that …” I say, frowning. “Besides, you were with a girl, too.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to go with her.” He shrugs. “She means nothing to me.”
“You were grabbing her ass,” I say.
His eyes narrow. “You saw that?”
“You wanted me to see it.”
“I was just caught up at the moment. But why are you saying this, anyway? You were the one who kissed Phillip.”
“So? He’s my boyfriend.”
“So, I kissed my date,” he says, shrugging again.
“Hey, that’s not fair. You were doing that just to piss me off.”
“Oh, and you weren’t?” He leans in closer. “Because last I checked, you pretty much rubbed it in my face.” He squints at me. “You were trying to make me jealous.”
I gasp. “I was not!”
“Yes, you were. Stop denying it, Vanessa.”
I look at him, but my eyes keep dragging down toward his soaked white shirt, which is now completely see-through, and oh my god, the moment I see his pectorals and muscular abs, I think I’m going to lose my shit. I mean, he’s gorgeous. Like drool-worthy, especially with all that water dripping down his body.
Shit, why am I looking at him like that? I should know better.
“Well, you’re just an asshole for touching her the way you did,” I say, trying to ignore the strong feelings I have.
He leans in toward me, but I don’t move an inch. “Why?” he says, with a smirk on his face. “Because you wish I was dancing with you instead?”
I make a face. “Stop.”
“No, I want to hear the truth, Vanessa. Tell me what you really think when you look at me.” He places his hand on my leg. “What you feel when I touch you.” I take a deep breath as he leans in even further. “What you really want when it’s just you and me.” He’s so close now; I can feel his hot breath on my skin close to my ear, as he whispers the words, “Because I know for sure this is what I want.”
“But you were with her …” I murmur.
His hand moves up my leg. “And every single second I’m with her, I imagine it’s you.”
When he gets closer, my heart begins to beat rapidly in my throat, and my breath comes in short gasps. I don’t know why Miles has this effect on me, but he does. Like a million hot matches setting on fire inside me. I can’t stop it, I can’t control it, and I don’t want to anymore.
His lips brush along the side of my jaw, and then they find my mouth. His lips consume mine with uncontrollable need, kissing quicker with each taste. I can’t get enough, so I move closer to let him kiss me everywhere. His lips ravage my mouth, my chin, my neck, just below my ear, and even my collarbone. My breath falls short when he touches me, his mouth leaving scorching hot kisses on my body.
“I want you so much,” he murmurs, grabbing my face with one hand, while letting his other hand roam free across my body. “All I can think about is you.”
“Me, too,” I whisper, as he kisses me right underneath my jaw. “Always.”
His fingers are delicate and rough at the same time, pulling me closer as he moves up from his seat to kiss me deeper. The lip ring he has intensifies our kiss; it makes me want to tug on it and bite him. I love how rough and equally soft he is with me; how he’s holding himself back for me, even though I can feel his muscles tense up from the thought of having me. I can feel the tension building, and when his hand finds its way to my breast, I squirm underneath him.
“You want this?” he murmurs, licking my lips with fervor. “I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember.”
“Yes,” I say, almost unable to pronounce a single syllable.
I’m lost in him, captivated by his ravishing kisses and the continuously hot assault on my body. This isn’t like anything I’ve experienced before, and I want it. I want it all. His taste, his touch, his licks, his smell, his mouth, his tongue, anything and everything, anywhere he wants. I’m desperate and clutch his shirt tight as he squeezes my breast and then my ass, groaning into my mouth.
“Just say the word, and I’ll stop,” he murmurs into my ear while suckling on my lobe.
“No …”
“No?” he asks, smiling against my skin. “I don’t think you mean that.”
“No,” I say, laughing. “I mean, I’m not going to say anything.”
“Except maybe yes,” he says. I muffle a laugh, but it quickly turns into a moan when his hand slides up my legs underneath my dress and brushes along my pussy.
“Oh, fuck. Do that again,” he whispers. “Make that sound for me. Let me hear how much you want it.”
I gasp when he caresses me there, rubbing his hand up and down my panties. They’re getting soaked quickly, and I get the feeling this isn’t going to take long. I’ve only ever done this myself and to have him out of all people be the first to touch me there is amazing.
“Like it when I’m touching you here?” he whispers, circling around with his finger. “I could do this all day and night.”
When he takes his hand off, I whisper, “Don’t stop.”
He smiles, and then leans in to place a kiss on my chest. “I won’t … if you tell me the truth.”
“Yes,” I say, air catching my throat. “I want it.”
“You want this?” he asks, placing a kiss on my breast. “Or do you want me?”
“Both …” I gasp when his hand goes to the back of my dress and rips down my zipper in one go.
Lust overtakes me as he covers my mouth with his and lets his tongue rein free. His tongue circles mine, touching the roof of my mouth, as his hand drifts to my shoulder and slides down my dress. When my breasts pop free, I don’t even notice it until he grabs one and teases my nipple.
“Oh, god …” I murmur, but he captures the rest of my sentence with his mouth, not allowing me one second to catch my breath. I don’t even want to; all I want is his mouth to devour me and to take everything away. My mind is blank as my heart only beats for him, almost exploding with need.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs. “I can’t stop wanting you.”
My heart almost beats out of my chest. Even though I rarely see him anymore, the fire is still very much alive and burning brighter than ever. We’ve found each other again, despite the fact that we shouldn’t be near each other. We’re toxic, and yet we can’t stay away from one another. Both unhappy with our current situation, we reach for love in one another. It’s like happiness is being ripped from the both of us, and we’re blaming each other for it, desperately trying to cling to the little bits we have left.
But I won’t let my future or my past ruin this night for me. This is our night, and I won’t even allow myself to think of the consequences. This is what I need, what I want. Him.
It’s always been him.
CHAPTER 23
PHOENIX
The knife drops from my hand as the past confronts me; the girl I used to love, the same girl sitting in front of me right now with my collar around her neck. I used to say I loved her. I’d do anything for her. And for some reason, thinking about how much I felt for her sparks my heart.
I take a deep breath, stepping away from her to recalibrate my thoughts.
I can’t allow these memories of a long-forgotten past to overtake me. It’s not who I am right now, and it’s the opposite of what I’m trying to achieve here.
“Stop it,” I say. “Just shut your mouth.”