And the way I’m lying on top of her now is probably exactly what he did to her when he found her in the attic. I can’t let her keep that memory; I can’t let it break her. If there’s anything that’ll break her, it’ll be me and only me.
Because I am the only one who can bring her back to one piece again.
The towel drapes off me, and as I lie naked on top of her, my erection poking her ass. Her eyes finally shoot open, immediately aimed at me.
“Phoenix?” she whispers.
I move in and place a kiss on her neck while pushing my fingers underneath her, sliding them down her belly. “Yes, Princess. It’s me.”
“What are you doing?” she murmurs, her eyes red. “Oh, god … I had such a bad dream.”
“Shh …” I say, placing a finger on her lips.
My hand drifts further down until I reach her pussy, which makes her gasp. “Phoenix?”
“Quiet,” I whisper. “Don’t talk.”
“No, what are you doing?” she says, as I start to rub her.
“What I’m supposed to do.” I reach down and circle around her clit.
“No, not now …”
“Yes, now; it needs to be now.”
“But that man, he … he …”
“I know what he did.”
“You don’t understand,” she says. “He tried to—”
“Shh … I know, sweet cheeks.” I place a kiss underneath her ear while I rub her faster and faster.
She tries to move. “No, please. Get off me, Phoenix.”
“This has to happen.”
“I can’t,” she says, gasping for air as if her lungs are restricted. “It doesn’t feel right.”
“That’s because he tried to do this too, didn’t he?”
She nods. “I don’t want it … the memories …”
“I know, Princess. I’m going to take them all away.”
***
VANESSA
He fondles me, in a way that makes me feel disgusted, vulnerable. Ruined.
I remember his smell, his foul stench, the way he lisped in my ear as he touched me in places I didn’t want him to touch. He didn’t listen to me. Instead, he groped me up a wall and tried to take me without permission.
That man … he haunts my mind.
Why? Why can’t I escape these memories?
They control my thoughts, even my nightmares.
Sweat covers my body, and Phoenix is lying on top of me, doing what no man should ever do. And yet, he’s doing it anyway.
He’s touching me, provoking me, wanting me to feel the sensations of lust even though they are anything but appropriate right now. I feel humiliated, and a part of me wishes it to stop. It feels so wrong. So violent. The way he lies on top of me as if he wants to take my breath away.
Much like that man tried to when he …
I yelp from the heartache as Phoenix plays with my privates.
“Let me make it all go away, Princess,” he says.
“No … I don’t want it. Not like this,” I whisper into my pillow.
Phoenix places his hand on my back, near my neck, squashing me into the bed. “It has to be this way. Only like this will you be able to forget.”
I can feel his hard-on poking my ass, and it makes me want to scratch him. How dare he do this to me? After what I just went through?
“I’m trying to make it all better for you, Vanessa,” he whispers in my ear as he slides his fingers up and down my pussy.
“I don’t know, I don’t know …” I repeat. “All I can think of—”
“Shh, I know. Just focus on the here and now. Focus on me,” he says, pushing his fingers in and out of me.
A tear rolls down my cheek. “Please … stop it all. I can’t take it,” I say.
“Yes, you can. I know you can,” he says. “I won’t let your mind be consumed by this. Not by him,” he whispers, pressing another kiss to my cheek. “If there is anyone going to consume you, it’s me.”
“What?” I gasp, but he doesn’t answer.
Instead, he takes his fingers out and smears my wetness across my pussy.
“I can’t see you like this, Vanessa. You can’t let him win. That’s what he wanted. That’s why he did it,” he says.
“He wanted me to remember his act?” I say, fazing out.
It’s the middle of the night, and Phoenix is using his lust to overpower me, making me feel weak. Used, and for the first time, really hurt. It’s not caused by him though, but by that man. There’s a gap in my soul, and Phoenix is trying to mend it in his own fucked-up way.
“Yes. Don’t let it control you. Let me in,” he says. “Let me in.”
He pushes in and out until I’m wet enough, and then his cock sinks into my pussy from behind. I take a deep breath as he buries it to the hilt, my eyes springing open. Phoenix places his hand over my mouth and the other on the back of my head, forcing me into the pillow.
“Don’t fight it. Let me in,” he repeats. “Let me be the one from your memories.”
He goes slow, thrusting in and out with deep strokes, taking his time to soothe me into what’s happening. I’m not sure if I’m really awake or if I’m still dreaming. I don’t know if this is a nightmare and I’m about to wake up.
And then he whispers, “I’m not going to hurt you. Let me help.”
I don’t know why, but that statement makes my heart go numb.
What I feel is real. This isn’t a dream. I am awake, and Phoenix is taking over my body to make me forget about the real nightmare.
The honest truth. He’s creating a perfect lie.
For me.
The moment that I realize why he’s doing this, I let it all go.
My muscles relax, my eyes partially close, and my heartbeat is calm as Phoenix pushes in and out of me, still holding me down to emulate the memory. He’s not doing this for my pleasure or his. He’s doing this to replace one memory with another. To erase the bad from my heart and replace it with his own.
He’s making himself the bad guy in order to save me.
“Forgive me,” he whispers into my ear, the sound echoing like the beating of a drum.
“It’s okay,” I murmur into his hand, focusing on the groaning sounds he makes. I close my eyes and smell his scent, picturing his face, his smile, his hair, his piercings, his muscular body, and all the things that I remember. I feel him, lying on top of me, penetrating my body, and I’m accepting his invasion. I feel zoned out and yet I’m completely at the moment. So free. So broken. So messed up. And it’s okay.
He leans in and presses another kiss to my cheek. “Don’t think about anything but you and me. There’s nothing else, nothing in between. Just you and me.”
Nodding, I let my body rise and lower with his as he thrusts in and out. He keeps toying with my clit, needing me to find my release. His hold on my neck tightens, as if he means to choke me. I remember vague bits and pieces about feeling this before, but every time I think about it, all I can come up with is his face. His smell. His voice. His touch.
Phoenix.
It’s working.
He increases the pressure he puts on my throat, causing me to gasp for air as my oxygen level goes down. I don’t fight him, and I don’t want to … because, deep down, I know this is going to help me.
He leans in, and his words are like honey to a sugar-addicted soul. “I love you.”
He repeats it over and over again until my fingers are numb, my head feels light, and my body hinges on the edge of euphoria.
“Come, Princess. Do it for me. Let it all out,” he whispers.
My body comes at his command. Just like that. As if his voice has control over my body like a slave listening to its master.
Maybe I am a slave to his wicked version of love.
I don’t care anymore. Right now, everything I need is right on top of me, taking my breath away, both figuratively and literally.
My muscles continue to contract around his hard-on, causing him to pulsate inside me. And then he explodes, gushing into me with full force, groaning out loud. For a while, he keeps going, still holding me down.
When the ordeal ends, the pressure disappears off my head, and he releases my throat. My lungs expand to take in a huge breath as he slowly drifts off my body, dropping to the side. But he doesn’t stop there.