“That was crazy, wasn’t it? The thrusters.”
“Yeah,” I said. I hesitated at the bottom of the stairs, knuckling one of Pepper’s silken ears.
“I can’t . . .,” Ronen began. His expression was pained as he nursed his daughter. “I can’t believe Dad missed it.”
I frowned. “Yeah,” I agreed, but then added: “His loss, though, isn’t it?”
To my surprise, Ronen didn’t argue with that. He only grinned. “Yeah,” he replied. “Seriously.”
I gave my brother a weary smile and trudged up the narrow steps.
There was no one to help me dress for my wedding.
Tradition was that a girl’s mother dressed her in gold silk. Her aunt and sister-in-law would lace flowers through her hair. But my father’s sister hadn’t spoken to any of us since years before he died. And Hannah was down on the surface of the planet, gathering data. Even my brother begged off helping. He’d see me later, he said as he fixed Alyana’s sling to his back. Later, he said, at the wedding. Right now he had work to do. But I knew that in the dome, celebrations raged. Zehava was dawning overhead. No one was working. Not today.
I went to the shower and slathered myself in the ceremonial honey and salt wash I’d purchased the night before. The water was lukewarm and briny, as always. Still, I did my best to scrub myself clean. The pungent scent made me wrinkle my nose, but I had to go through all the motions of tradition. After all, today was the day I made my choice—the day I married Silvan, whose father I’d killed. The day my heart withered and died. Because I had no other option.
I crossed the hallway of my brother’s home and reached my spare, undecorated bedroom. Momma’s wedding dress was the only bit of light within those steel walls, but it was a feeble one. After all, I’d mended the old gown myself, looping crooked stitches through the torn silk. I’d never been very good at sewing.
I pulled it over my head. It didn’t fit right, not really—not with the way that my arms and back had grown muscly from work. The fabric bunched and pinched around my armpits. I could hardly lower my arms as I fumbled for the buttons. But what could I do? I hadn’t been able to afford a new dress, and I wasn’t going to go asking Silvan’s family for the gelt.
I was sucking in my stomach and trying to tighten the bodice cords, when a knock sounded at the door below.
Holding the bodice of my dress against my body, my wet hair dripping down my shoulders, I rushed to answer it. When I threw open the door, I found Rachel standing there.
Beneath her heavy winter coat she wore her own wedding gown. There were violets pinned in her black hair. In her arms she held another golden dress. She looked angry, a deep crease forming between her eyebrows.
“Rachel!” was all I could say at first, the syllables falling clumsily from my mouth. She just thrust the dress at me.
“Your brother bought this for you,” she said. “I don’t know why he wanted me to deliver it today, of all days. He must have known that it’s my wedding day too.”
Wordlessly I took the hanger from her hands. The dress was made from silk, like Momma’s dress, but this silk was flawless and new. Nicer, too. The fabric shimmered against my hands.
“It’s beautiful,” I said. But Rachel was already halfway down the path. A sudden pang of desperation went through me.
“Rachel!” I called. “Wait! Please! I’m sorry!”
She stopped but didn’t turn. So I did the only thing I could. I said it again.
“Please, Rachel. I’m so sorry.”
I heard her loose a low, hollow sigh. “When asked for forgiveness, one should forgive with a sincere mind and a willing spirit,” she began, her voice nearly swallowed up by the wind. “Forgiveness is natural to the seed of Israel.”
“Israel?” I asked. I’d heard that word before, in Momma’s book. Even then I hadn’t been sure what it meant. A place, I guessed, maybe. But I had no idea why Rachel would go on about it.
She turned slowly. I could see that she was forcing the tight line of her lips to soften.
“It’s in this book that Koen gave me. I was telling him about the electric candles that Mom lights. And he found me this book in the library about it. It’s called the Torah.”
I frowned, trying to stop my mind from reaching for the natural conclusions: that if Koen had returned to the library, then he’d returned to Van, too.
“It’s an ancient history,” Rachel went on, mistaking my expression for curiosity about the book, “of these people on Earth who live in a desert and stuff. Anyway, it talks a lot about how you’re supposed to act. And it says if someone asks for forgiveness three times, then you’re supposed to forgive them.”
There was a long silence. I looked at Rachel. Though her jaw was tight, she still looked beautifuclass="underline" long limbed, but not gawky. Strong, but still graceful. My best friend looked like such an adult. I knew in my heart, suddenly, fiercely, that I didn’t want her to walk down that road without me.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, almost shouting the words. The tears flooded my eyes before I had a chance to even anticipate them. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you with Silvan and all of that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. But I did and I’m so, so sorry.”
Rachel cracked a smile. “That’s more than enough, Terra. Three times. The book only said three times.”
I sniffed tears. Rachel let out a laugh.
“Do you need help getting dressed?” she asked. And then, because I could trust her, always, to be honest with me, she added: “Because you’re kind of a mess.”
I gave a mute nod. Still smiling, Rachel followed me into the house.
Rachel helped me out of my old, ill-fitting dress and into the new one. It must have been made to my measurements. When the stays of the bodice were tightened, it fit my curves like a glove. It had long, narrow sleeves, a low boatneck. It wasn’t flashy like Rachel’s dress—hers had flowers embroidered in the pleats and tiny beads sewn all along the top—but the plain, elegant style suited me. Even I had to admit that I didn’t look half bad in it.
“Ronen picked this?” I asked, turning in front of the mirror.
“Well, he had some help,” Rachel said, winking at me.
She sat me down on the bed, twisting my short hair into a braid. Her hands made quick work. In our silence Pepper padded in and settled on the hem of my dress.
“You’re going to be covered in cat hair,” Rachel said. I shrugged.
“I figure Silvan should get used to it.”
Rachel gave a laugh. “Can’t escape the cat hair,” she said. “It’s an indelible part of Terra Fineberg.”
At first I laughed too. But her words swirled around in my mind. Indelible part. After another moment I gave her an uneasy look.
“About Koen . . .”
Rachel looked at me for a long time. “Honestly, I don’t think he could stay away from Van Hofstadter if he tried. But that doesn’t matter. Just because we’re getting married doesn’t mean he’s my destiny or anything. This wedding is about survival. I’m marrying him because otherwise I’ll have no choice in who I marry at all. Everyone else from our class is already married or intended. And I won’t let the Council choose for me.”
I darted my hand out, grasping her pinkie finger in mine. Her hand stayed limp at first. Then she gave my hand a little squeeze and smiled up at me.
“We’re friends, at least. Koen and I,” Rachel said. “But it’s not like you and Silvan. It never will be. You’re so lucky.”