I hadn’t even made it down the stairs when I heard her phone ringing. By the time I made it to the couch where she’d been when I came in last night, it had stopped, and I couldn’t find it. Walking into the kitchen, I started the bacon and turned on the coffeepot as her phone dinged a few times. Just as I’d finished whisking together the eggs and milk to make an omelet, it began ringing again. I jogged into the living room and dug around the couch, finally finding it in the blanket.
Brandon.
I took a deep breath as I watched her lock screen come back up displaying eleven missed calls, four voice mails, and eight texts from Bree, and six missed calls, five voice mails, and ten texts from Brandon. Her phone dinged again—and there’s voice mail number six from him. I ran back into the kitchen to take the bacon off the skillet, and, swear to God, he called again before I could finish. I wanted to delete all of them but knew I couldn’t. I just didn’t know what this would do to us. New Year’s Eve and the tattoo parlor flashed through my mind, but I pushed those images away. Last night wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t want to be with me. She told me she loved me, and I had no doubt she did.
We’d just have to deal with this, and the sooner, the better.
I grabbed the phone and ran up the stairs and to my room, taking another deep breath before opening the door and praying to God that when she broke the news to Brandon, he didn’t somehow suck her into staying with him. Her eyes lit up, and the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen crossed her face momentarily before falling when she saw whatever expression I currently had.
“You might want to answer that when he calls again.” I dropped the phone next to her and tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it felt like more of a grimace as I turned around and went back out the door to finish cooking. As I was passing the entryway I felt my pocket vibrate and grabbed my phone to find five calls from Breanna, two from Brandon, and twenty-two texts from both of them begging me to check on Harper because she hadn’t picked up her phone and was sick and alone. The most recent from Bree was saying everyone was going to leave LA in a couple hours. Fucking awesome.
When I got back upstairs with the food, Harper had the comforter over her head, and I almost wished she would put it back over when she pulled it down. That crushed look was in her eyes again, and though I knew this would be hard for her since it wasn’t a secret she was in love with my best friend, that look was terrifying me. I put the plates between us and ate silently as I watched her holding a piece of bacon and staring at the covers. Almost ten minutes of her in that exact position, and I was about ready to beg her to reassure me that we would be okay. I felt like such a girl, but I had one of those ominous feelings in my gut, like this wasn’t about to go my way.
I placed my hand on her back and rubbed small circles against it as I finally begged her to say something.
“Brandon will be back in a couple hours.”
“Shit.” I fell back against the headboard and rubbed my palms down my face, I didn’t want to deal with Bree and everyone’s being home; but I really didn’t want to have him here yet. “I thought he wouldn’t be back ’til tomorrow night.”
“He got scared when I didn’t answer the phone. Bree told him I was sick and alone, and since no one could get ahold of me . . .”
“Bree called me a few times, begging me to come check on you. Looks like they’re all heading home today, too.”
“Chase”—she turned to look at me, her eyes wide and terrified—“what should I do?”
“I can’t answer that for you, Princess. No one can.” Her question had the ache in my chest already starting, and God I didn’t want to ask her my next question. Even though I would have told you that just thirty minutes ago I knew what the answer was, by then I was worried that I didn’t. I looked at her hands, which she seemed so fascinated with all of a sudden, and forced it out. “Who do you want?”
“I don’t know!” she blurted out, and looked back at me. “I want you, Chase, but I can’t hurt him. I won’t hurt him any more than I have. I love him too much.”
My jaw dropped, and the air left my body. What the hell? Does that mean . . . ? I should have known, but I—I couldn’t. What the hell am I supposed to do without her?
“No matter who I choose, people will get hurt. And then what happens if I leave him? He lives in your house, Chase. He’ll have to see us together, and it will kill him. I can’t do that to him! He loves me, he hopped the first flight he could because he was scared for me and wants to come back to take care of me. How am I supposed to tell him I’m in love with someone else after that? If I left him for you, it would be bad for us. He’d come after you, the guys in the house would take sides. We would be miserable. My body craves you, Chase, but I feel like I’m being torn in two. I just—I need a few weeks to think about this. Can you please give me that?”
But I love you, too. Couldn’t she see that? Couldn’t she see she was crushing me? I ground my jaw to keep from saying any of that. If I wanted to win her, I couldn’t force her to choose me; she needed to come to me on her own. “Are you going to ask him to give you time, too?”
“No, I can’t.”
The fuck did she just say? “So you’re just going to go back to him? Pretend like last night never happened? You’re so worried about hurting everyone else, do you even realize you’ll be hurting me?” I got off the bed. “Damn it, Harper, don’t you see that? I’m the one that will have to watch you with your boyfriend while waiting for you to figure out what you want!” I didn’t look at her again as I walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door shut.
I stormed down the stairs and paced back and forth in the living room before deciding to go back upstairs to just grab my shit and leave. But before I knew it, I had the phone to my ear.
“ ’Mmm ’lo?”
“Bri, put Marissa on the phone.”
“Chase?” he grumbled. “Fuck man, do you know what time it is.”
“No; put Marissa on the phone.”
“Shit, are you crying?” He sounded more alert now.
“No I’m—” I rubbed my hand over my eyes and pulled it back to find them wet. “Just put her on the damn phone!”
There was shuffling before I heard Marissa’s groggy voice; I knew that Brian had put me on speaker, but I couldn’t bring myself to care anymore. I’m losing the only girl I will ever love; not much else matters. “Chach, what’s wrong? Brian said you’re crying?”
“I’m losing her, Riss, I’m losing Harper, and I don’t know what to do. I’m five seconds from leaving again, but I need to know if I’d fuck up everything for good by doing that.”
“Well, what happened?”
“I slept with her last night—”
“What?” they both yelled.
“—and now Brandon’s coming back, and she wants me to give her time, but I know she’s just saying that. She’s going back to him, like nothing between us ever fucking happened!”
“Hold up! Rewind. You slept with her?” Marissa sounded a little more composed now, “Okay, either Brian hasn’t been keeping me updated or some serious shit went down yesterday, so tell me everything.” She covered the speaker, and whispered to Brian, “I’m gonna punch you in the throat if you didn’t tell me this.”
“Riss, he didn’t know, so give him a break.” I stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up as I told them everything that led up to what happened last night and everything that happened this morning; the ache in my chest growing as I relived it all. “I can’t lose her. But she basically just threw last night in my face now that her boyfriend is coming back, and once again, I’m nothing to her.”
“God, Chase,” Brian said, “when did you become such a fucking girl?”
“I know”—I sighed—“I freakin’ feel like it.”