“Wha—No! I wouldn’t, I swear I wouldn’t.” Did she not understand that she meant everything to me? I pulled her into my arms and held her as my body started shaking. I couldn’t lose her. I’d been preparing for it, but I couldn’t handle it.
“You can’t stay with any one girl, that’s just how you are. And that’s fine, Chase, it’s fine. You’re with different girls every night, but when I think about love, I think about forever. You can’t give me that, so I’m not going to hurt myself by only having you for a short time.”
Tears stung my eyes, and it became painful to breathe. After everything, she still thought I was living my old life? She still hadn’t realized I’d changed everything for her? I’ve never claimed to love anyone other than her, I’d never even thought of loving anyone but her. I would give her the world if she asked for it. And she thought I just wanted some fling with her?
I cupped her cheeks and brought her face from my chest so I could look at her, but she was a blurry mess from the tears that were threatening to spill over. “I haven’t been with anyone but you since you started dating Brandon. I knew then there would never be anyone else like you, and I wasn’t going to waste time being with someone else.”
Princess shook her head slightly, went up on her toes and kissed the corner of my mouth before beginning to move out of my arms. “I love you, Chase.”
“Baby, please. Don’t do this!” I gripped her hand, not willing to let her leave yet. I couldn’t just let this end like this.
“I have to, I’m sorry.”
“Why? Why can’t you be with me?” When she didn’t answer, I swallowed back bile and asked the one thing I’d been worrying about most in the last month. “Are you sleeping with him, too, Harper?”
“Why does that matter?”
“Please”—I shut my eyes as I prepared myself to ask again—“just tell me if you are sleeping with him.”
“I’ve only been with you,” she whispered softly, and all the air left my lungs as she pulled away and began to walk away from me. I looked up at the same time she stopped walking, her body going rigid before she gasped.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I have to go,” she shouted, and took off running for the house.
I stood there in shock for a few moments before forcing myself back to my truck and driving to Brian and Marissa’s. I had no idea what had just happened; all I knew was that she’d just shattered my world.
Marissa answered the door, and, with one look at me, her jaw dropped, and she quickly covered her mouth with a hand. “Oh, Chachi.”
My mouth opened, but nothing came out, and I hung my head as my tears fell to the concrete.
“Brian should be home soon,” she said softly, and stepped back from the open door. “C’mon in; you can crash here tonight.” Marissa called Brian to let him know I was there and sat on the chair across from the couch I was on. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
I shook my head. I didn’t know if I even could talk about it.
“What are you gonna do, Chach?”
“Wait—” My voice was low and rough as I spoke around the lump in my throat. “Wait for her. I’ll always wait for her. It’ll always be Harper for me, I’m never going to stop wanting her to be mine.”
“Chach—”
“Riss, I won’t give up on me and Harper. I can’t.”
Chapter Ten
I’D FULLY MOVED back into my house the day after Harper had shattered me. I’d been prepared to stomach seeing her and Brandon together, see them going to and from his room and her in nothing but his shirts. But I hadn’t seen her at all. It’d been a week, and while I saw Brandon a few times, he was always alone. I’d seen him yesterday morning when he was coming into the kitchen, and I was leaving, but it ended the same as it always does lately. Completely silent. I didn’t know what to say to him anymore, so I didn’t say anything. Before, I’d hated him for getting the girl. Now that I’d had her, and she’d left me for him again, I couldn’t stand to see him without wanting to die.
I went through my everyday forced routine. Surf in the mornings, now with Brad and the guys again even though Brandon had been missing over the last week. Class during the day and work at night. I was standing outside my last class of the day, trying to kill time by talking with some old buddies, when I was knocked into one of them.
“What the he—” I broke off when I turned to see a mess of auburn hair and wide gray eyes staring at me. “Princess?”
Without saying anything, she bent down to grab her phone, which had dropped into the middle of the circle she’d just plowed into, and turned to leave. Fuck that.
“Harper, wait up!” As soon as I caught up with her, I grabbed her arm and turned her so she was facing me. “You’re not even going to say hi now?”
She dropped her head, and a shaky “Hi” came from her.
Why won’tshe even look at me? I placed a knuckle under her chin and lifted up, and my chest tightened when I saw that her eyes were filled with tears. Why the hell is my princess crying? “Baby, what’s wrong?”
Her cheeks went red, and she blinked her eyes rapidly to hold back the tears. “Nothing, it’s just allergies or something.”
Bullshit. She looked side to side quickly, and I figured my touching her wouldn’t fly with Brandon if he saw us, so I took a step away and let my head drop to stare at the space between us. “I haven’t seen you around my house much. I know you don’t want to be with me, but don’t feel like you can’t be there, I won’t bother you and Brandon.”
“That’s not why I haven’t been there. I um, I broke up with him.”
My head snapped back up, and I stared deep into her stormy eyes. “You did? When, why didn’t you tell me?” Was it twisted that I couldn’t help but hope that I was finally going to get what I’d been wanting for over five months?
“A little over a week ago. But it hurt me more than I could ever explain to do it, and I need time to get over that. I can’t just rush back to you because Brandon and I aren’t together anymore.”
I can’t just rush back to you . . . Does that mean she plansto come back to me? Hope surged through my body, and I cupped her pink cheeks in my hands as I bent down, so I was closer to her eye level. “I love you, I’ll give you all the time you need.” Shit, stop assuming. “Unless. Unless you don’t want me anymore?”
I held my breath as she grabbed my left hand and pressed her cheek harder to it. Her eyes drifted shut, and she took a deep breath in. “I’ve told you, I will always love you, Chase, but I’m still not sure you won’t eventually leave me. Because of that fear, I don’t know if I can be with you. And some things have changed since we talked last, so you might change your mind about me altogether.”
“That’s not possible.”
She removed my hands from her cheeks only to wrap herself up in my arms. I exhaled deeply and started to thank God when she kissed my throat and buried her head into my chest, but then she whispered, “I wish that were true.”
What doI have to do to convince this girl that I loveher more than anything? Tears suddenly clouded my vision, and my voice cracked as they spilled over. “It is, Harper. I love you so damn much, why can’t you see that?”
Her wide eyes started watering as well, and her jaw started quivering. The next thing I knew, she was out of my arms and walking away. “I have to go; I’m sorry.”
“Harper, please. Please don’t just walk away. Talk to me, baby.” She didn’t stop and didn’t look back at me. “Princess, please stop walking.” Nothing; she kept her head down and continued away from me, and I was terrified that if I let her go, I’d never get her back. “Harper, please talk to me!”