“I miss myself.”
“I miss you, too, Ali, so much.”
“I never planned to get like this.”
“I know.”
SEPTEMBER 2005
John sat at the end of a long table and took a large sip from his black coffee. It tasted extremely strong and bitter, but he didn’t care. He didn’t drink it for its taste. He’d drink it faster if he could, but it was scalding hot. He’d need two or three more large cups before he’d become fully alert and functional.
Most of the people who came in bought their caffeine to go and hurried on their way. John didn’t have lab meeting for another hour, and he felt no compelling pressure to get to his office early today. He was content to take his time, eat his cinnamon scone, drink his coffee, and read the New York Times.
He opened to the “Health” section first, as he’d done with every newspaper he’d read for over a year now, a habit that had long ago replaced most of the hope that originally inspired the behavior. He read the first article on the page and cried openly as his coffee cooled.
AMYLIX FAILS TRIAL
According to the results of Synapson’s Phase III study, patients with mild to moderate Alzheimer’s disease who took Amylix during the fifteen-month trial failed to show a significant stabilization of dementia symptoms compared with placebo.
Amylix is a selective amyloid-beta–lowering agent. By binding soluble Abeta 42, this experimental drug’s aim is to stop progression of the disease, and it is unlike the drugs currently available to patients with Alzheimer’s, which can at best only delay the disease’s ultimate course.
The drug was well tolerated and sailed through Phases I and II with much clinical promise and Wall Street expectation. But after a little over a year on the medication, the cognitive functioning of the patients receiving even the highest dose of Amylix failed to show improvement or stabilization as measured by the Alzheimer’s Disease Assessment Scale and scores on Activities of Daily Living, and they declined at a rate that was significant and expected.
EPILOGUE
Alice sat on a bench with the woman and watched the children walking by them. Not really children. They weren’t the kind of small children who lived at home with their mothers. What were they? Medium children.
She studied the faces of the medium children as they walked. Serious, busy. Heavy-headed. Headed on their way somewhere. There were other benches nearby, but none of the medium children stopped to sit. Everyone walked, busy on their way to where they must go.
She didn’t need to go anywhere. She felt lucky about this. She and the woman she sat with listened to the girl with very long hair play her music and sing. The girl had a lovely voice and big, happy teeth and a lot of skirt with flowers all over it that Alice admired.
Alice hummed along to the music. She liked the sound of her hum blended with the voice of the singing girl.
“Okay, Alice, Lydia will be home any minute. You want to pay Sonya before we go?” asked the woman.
The woman was standing, smiling, and holding money. Alice felt invited to join her. She got up, and the woman handed her the money. Alice dropped it in the black hat on the brick ground by the singing girl’s feet. The singing girl kept playing her music but stopped singing for a moment to talk to them.
“Thanks, Alice, thanks, Carole, see you soon!”
As Alice walked with the woman among the medium children, the music became quieter behind them. Alice didn’t really want to leave, but the woman was going, and Alice knew she should stay with her. The woman was cheerful and kind and always knew what to do, which Alice appreciated because she often didn’t.
After walking for some time, Alice spotted the red clown car and the big nail polish car parked in the driveway.
“They’re both here,” said the woman, seeing the same cars.
Alice felt excited and hurried into the house. The mother was in the hallway.
“My meeting ended quicker than I thought it would so I came back. Thanks for filling in,” said the mother.
“No problem. I stripped her bed but didn’t have a chance to remake it. Everything’s still in the dryer,” said the woman.
“Okay, thanks, I’ll get it.”
“She had another good day.”
“No wandering?”
“Nope. She’s my trusty shadow now. My partner in crime. Right, Alice?”
The woman smiled, nodding enthusiastically. Alice smiled and nodded back. She had no idea what she was agreeing to, but it was probably fine with her if the woman thought so.
The woman began collecting books and bags by the front door.
“Is John coming up tomorrow?” asked the woman.
A baby they couldn’t see started crying, and the mother disappeared into another room.
“No, but we’ve got it covered,” said the mother’s voice.
The mother came back carrying a baby dressed in blue, kissing him repeatedly on the neck. The baby still cried, but his heart really wasn’t in it anymore. The mother’s fast kisses were working. The mother plugged a sucking thing into the baby’s mouth.
“You’re okay, little goose. Thanks, Carole, so much. You’re a godsend. Have a great weekend, see you Monday.”
“See you Monday. Bye, Lydia!” the woman yelled.
“Bye, thanks, Carole!” a voice yelled from somewhere in the house.
The baby’s big, round eyes met Alice’s, and he smiled in recognition behind his sucking thing. Alice smiled back, and the baby responded with a wide-mouthed laugh. The sucking thing fell to the floor. The mother squatted down and picked it up.
“Mom, you want to hold him for me?”
The mother passed the baby to Alice, and he slid comfortably into her arms and on her hip. He began pawing at her face with one of his wet hands. He liked doing this, and Alice liked letting him. He grabbed her bottom lip. She pretended to bite it and eat it while making wild animal noises. He laughed and moved on to her nose. She sniffed and sniffed and pretended to sneeze. He moved up to her eyes. She squinted so she wouldn’t get poked and blinked to try to tickle his hand with her eyelashes. He moved his hand up her forehead to her hair, tightened his little fist, and pulled. She gently unclenched his hand and replaced her hair with her index finger. He found her necklace.
“See the pretty butterfly?”
“Don’t let him put that in his mouth!” called the mother, who was in another room but within eyeshot.