Aamir Anwar was flat on his back, the pillow to Lander’s single bed sat neatly on a nearby chair. They had slipped off, the headphones tuned to the AM radio sat crazily so that one small disc of grey foam was on his cheek, the other tucked behind his head.
Behind them Lander whispered, ‘He needs to sleep. He’s taken a pill.’
Morrow spun to meet him. ‘How the fuck did he even get here?’
‘I dunno. He chapped my door. Said he needed a rest. I wanted to call ye but he said to give him a minute and could he have one of my sleeping pills.’ He pointed to the headphones. ‘ Australia are getting gubbed.’ He smiled as if that was news that would please everyone.
‘His family are frantic!’ she said, knowing it was a lie, knowing she was really talking about herself.
Lander looked at his old friend, at the soft rise and fall of his chest, and he grinned so wide that all of his own stubby worn old teeth were showing. ‘Aye,’ he said, ‘but Aamir’s all right. As for the rest, I don’t really give a hoot.’
A crowd had gathered at the service station, an elderly coach party from Newcastle on their way to the Highlands. They were buying nice Marks and Spencer’s sandwiches to eat on the long journey north and standing in an orderly queue for the checkout along the window looking out over the motorway.
Across the forecourt they were standing close, he holding the petrol pump, she leaning her forehead on his free shoulder. Aleesha and Roy were filling the car up for a long drive.
The petrol hummed, the gauge clicked and she whispered into his side, ‘Roy?’
‘Aye?’
‘ Roy.’
He gave a deep contented sigh. ‘Aye.’
She cleared her throat. ‘ Roy? When we… you know… first…’
Roy wrapped his free arm around her waist and drew her tiny frame towards him. ‘When we first what?’
She didn’t answer.
He smiled down at her and tried to rock her from foot to foot. She clung to him, head down, not looking at him, feet planted. She seemed a little afraid.
He used his chin to rock her face up to his. ‘Doll, nothing’s wrong, nothing can be wrong, I’m here with you. Everything, anything… if you don’t want… you know, for years, that’s fine by me, either way, just as long as we’re together, anything. Anything you want.’
‘Not first that, I’m not… it’s not that.’
‘When we first what, then?’
She pulled away from him, looked at the window of old people staring at them, drinking in how young and lithe and in love they were. ‘When we first met…’
Roy frowned and shook the petrol gun in the hole, shaking off the drips. His jaw was clenched as he hung the gun on the petrol tank.
They could make it a lie, all he had to do was say ‘at the hospital’ – ‘When we met at the hospital?’ She was young, biddable, he could make her say they met at the hospital. And if they said it enough, after a while, the lie would seem true, between them, would be the story they told the children. But he was Roy now and Roy couldn’t make himself tell Aleesha that lie.
Panic tightened in his chest. She was moving away from him, he could feel the light dying and soon he would be alone in the darkness again. ‘When…?’
‘I’s thinking, you know that, like, really, that’s one worry we don’t have.’ She drew in a breath so deep it arched her back and, staring at the old people in the window, spun on one foot and dropped an arm around his neck. ‘I mean, it’s good in a way,’ she whispered. ‘I mean, ’cause, you’ve kind of already met my parents. ’ Holding onto his neck she lifted her legs, wrapping them around his waist.
A sob caught his throat, sounding like a hiccup and he pulled her flat against him, burying his face in her soft neck, tears wetting the perfect skin.
Despite the odds Roy and Aleesha clung tight to each other for a long, long time, until her legs were stiff and he felt very, very old.
Denise Mina
