“I know enough that you should not seek him out and that’s all I’m going to say. Good luck, Robert Darkly. Travel well.” The Rabbit turned and began cleaning up his dead employees.
The White Rabbit in Through the Looking Glass was an adorable little rabbit of a nervous disposition who had an obsession with keeping time. The real White Rabbit was a five-foot-tall melodramatic creature who dealt in blood, spoke like a British noble and, as it appeared to Robert, had a slightly violent streak.
Robert left the Exchange through the same door as Lily. The watercolour wall on the other side of the door felt like motor oil as he pushed a hand through it. He pulled his hand back and considered, for the last time, whether what he was about to do was the right thing. He thought briefly about his life in Othaside. The job he had hated, the girlfriend who didn’t love him, friends who barely knew he existed, an angry landlady… It was a laundry list that didn’t bring him any sort of happiness.
But here, an opportunity had been presented to him. It could have been the thrill of uncertainty or maybe the beautiful amber-eyed woman waiting for him on the other side, or maybe it was the simple fact that all the weirdness that he had experienced in his life didn’t seem all that weird anymore. Robert Darkly took a deep breath and stepped through the doorway.
Back in the Exchange, the White Rabbit shed a tear for the seventeen rabbits lying dead around him. He glanced at the door as it creaked itself closed and he hung his head low. He’d seen the inevitability in Robert’s eyes and he knew what it would mean. He couldn’t predict the future, not by a long shot, but he had a good idea where events were heading.
Chapter Seven
The Mating Ritual of the Jubjub Bird
Robert stepped out through a doorway set into the foot of a tall mountain. The sun sat almost too comfortably high in a bright blue sky; green hills rolled away into the distance before ducking down somewhere beyond the horizon. A road made up of square bricks stretched away from the entrance to the Exchange.
Two birds, each the size of a small horse, with bright yellow feathers, dark blue plumes, and blood-red beaks flew low over the hills as if playfully chasing each other. They ducked and twirled, spun and plummeted, crash-landed into a grassy hill, rolled down to the bottom near a babbling brook, and began making passionate love as only two giant yellow birds possibly could.
“They’re Jubjub birds,” said Lily.
Robert hadn’t noticed Lily, who was standing a few feet away with two small men who looked similar to the two small men who had attacked him in the Exchange.
“I didn’t know that’s how birds, ya know, did that.”
“That’s not how birds do that, you idiot. That’s how a Jubjub bird does that,” explained the small man with a scar across one eye, his pointy red hat sitting slightly askew upon his tiny head.
“They look like they’re in pain,” commented Robert.
“Sqquuarrkkk,” screeched one of the birds.
“They’re fine, moron,” said the other Gnome.
“And who are you, shorty?” asked Robert.
Lily grabbed Robert’s elbow and led him away from the two angry-looking little men. “Listen very carefully, Robert.”
“Yes.”
“Ssqquurriinnkkaaka chaka chaka chaka nee,” squawked the birds in unison.
“Seriously,” said Robert, “are you sure those birds are okay?”
“Yes, they’re fine; in fact they’re almost done. Those two men―”
“Look exactly like the two that attacked me inside the Exchange. I wasn’t ready, I can tell you that. I’d like to see them try it again when I’m more aware,” said Robert as he peeked around Lily at the two little men who stared back intently.
The younger-looking one pulled a tiny dagger from somewhere within his jacket and started cleaning his fingernails, never taking his eyes off Robert.
“They’re not the same Gnomes, they’re two different ones.”
“Gnomes, even! Like the one’s my mother keeps in her garden I suppose?”
“Wooot wooouut chika,” ended the two birds abruptly.
“Does that mean they’re done?” asked Robert.
“Yes. The Gnomes are exactly like the ones your mother keeps in her garden. Don’t take them for granted and stop trying to look around me at them. They don’t take rudeness lightly and they don’t like being stared down. They’re also not partial to threats, insults, bad manners, short jokes, or being referred to as lacking in size in any way, shape or form.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes. The two standing behind me are General Gnarly and his Lieutenant, Gnick. They are the leaders of the Warrior Gnomes of the Grimm Mountains, which we are currently standing in front of. The Warrior Gnomes are among the most deadly of their kind.”
“I never thought I’d hear the words deadly and Gnome used together in the same sentence.”
“They’re a complex race and not to be taken lightly,” advised Lily.
“Yes, you mentioned that. I don’t like them,” said Robert, shaking his head.
“You don’t have to like them,” assured Lily.
“Good.”
“But you’re going to have to get used to them,” said Lily, “they’re coming with us.”
“What? Why?”
“Because they offered and because the road may not be all that safe. They can provide protection.”
“I could provide protection,” said Robert without even a hint of confidence.
“Let’s not be silly, Robert.”
“Right,” agreed Robert.
Lily turned back to the two Gnomes.
“We’d be honoured to have you accompany us,” said the Agent.
General Gnarly had been waiting at the door with Gnick ever since Gneil and Gnelly had returned with their report of the slaughter that happened within the Exchange, right under their noses. It was an outrage! One of his best trackers had monitored the Dwarf’s movements until losing him at the border of the North Territory. The tracker had hijacked a Jubjub bird and brought his report back to the General as quickly as possible.
Gnarly had decided quickly that in order to regain their position as the guardians of the Exchange they would temporarily need to align with the Agency in hunting down the murderer. Since then, an angry Fairy and the other Agent, who no Gnome could stand, had exited the Exchange and followed the Dwarf’s path themselves, which meant the Agents knew something. As much as he hated the man, Jack would have been the best candidate to join forces with, but he’d been too busy chasing his Fairy to notice them, which left Gnarly with only one other option.
The beautiful female Agent and the idiot from Othaside stood before them.
Gnarly and Gnick bowed ever so slightly. “It’ll be our honour to protect you both on your journey,” said General Gnarly. “We pledge our services to you, Agent Lily, and to you, idiot, from Othaside.”
The tall lanky one began to speak but the girl silenced him with a jab to the ribs. Gnarly had always admired the Agent called Lily. She carried the dignity of a warrior with her and her reputation was unquestionable.