“A normal life!” said Robert. “I’ve never known who I truly was. I’ve been walking around in that world my whole life feeling completely out of place, like my body didn’t fit my skin properly. Weird things kept happening to me and it’s because you people were trying to give me a chance?”
“Don’t snap at me, Darkly! We make decisions all the time without knowing the outcome. It’s why the Agency exists. We make the hard calls. We make sure everything runs as it should. You’re back now and I’m giving you leave to stay. It’s an opportunity given to few, so you’d better damn well appreciate it!”
Robert flushed with embarrassment. “My apologies, ma’am… um… Director. I didn’t mean any insult by it and I appreciate the opportunity, I really do.”
“At least you know when to apologize. And no, you’re not human. No one knows what you are. Maybe you’ll live a normal lifespan and maybe you won’t. Time will tell that story. It appears I’m down one Agent. You’re rough around the edges and look like you couldn’t find your own feet with a map; however, due to your unusual lineage and now that you want to remain here, I’d like to offer you the opportunity to become an Agent.”
Robert looked from the Director to Lily and back again. A smile played on the edges of Lily’s lips and her hand found his and gave it a squeeze.
“I don’t know what to say,” said Robert, which was ridiculous because he knew exactly what to say. “Yes, of course, I’d love the opportu―”
“A simple yes will suffice,” said the Director. “You’ll report to the City of Oz for training as soon as you are able.”
“Thank you, thank you so much,” said Robert and stuck out his hand to shake with the Director. She observed the gesture as if Robert was trying to give her something dead, smelly, and dripping, before turning and stalking away.
Robert turned to Lily, who was now beaming. “You’re going to stay here.”
“Yes,” said Robert happily.
“I’m done thinking.”
“What?” said Robert.
“Back in Othaside, before we were buried alive, I said I’d think about it. Us, I mean.”
“Oh. Okay. And?”
“I do like you, Robert Darkly. I might even love you.”
Robert gave it a moment’s thought. “That’s good enough for me.”
He grabbed Lily and pulled her to him and kissed her with more passion than anyone had ever kissed anyone before in the entire history of the world. Or at least in the last five minutes of the history of the world.
“Something just occurred to me,” said Robert.
“What’s that?”
“You never told the Director about the Cat.”
“What cat?” said Lily.
“The Cat,” said Robert. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember the Cat?”
“Robert, I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. Maybe you are going mad.”
Robert shook his head.
“To be honest,” he said with a smile, “a little madness isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
Epilogue
Robert flew swiftly through the air and crashed heavily into the wall. He quickly rolled to his left in case there was a follow-up attack. His opponent was smirking. He hated people smirking at him almost as much as he hated crashing into walls.
“Come on, Darkly,” said the smirking Goblin. “I have fifty bakewell tarts to make before dinner and I don’t have time for you to keep bleeding on me.”
Robert had begun training a month ago, and out of all the classes he was required to undertake, hand to hand combat was his least favorite. He wasn’t built for it. He was gangly and uncoordinated, which he blamed on his tallness. If something happened to his lower half, there was no chance of the message reaching his upper half in time for him to do something about it. To make matters worse, all hand-to-hand combat classes were taught by Bastian the Goblin, who was also a chef at the Inn where Robert had taken up residence.
The Agency had hired Bastian to train Robert in self-defence and fighting skills, as the Goblin, aside from being a splendid chef, was also one of the best fighters in Thiside.
“I don’t suppose we could call it a day, could we?” said Robert to the tall, slender figure who was still smirking.
“One more time,” said Bastian and assumed a fighting stance.
Robert took off at a run as his brain cycled through what he’d been taught. He feinted to the left and struck out with his heel. He caught nothing but air as the Goblin slipped underneath his kick, then jabbed him in the groin, causing him to crumple into a disorganized pile on the courtyard floor.
“Now we can call it a day,” said the Goblin, still smirking. He scratched one of his long pointy ears, grabbed a towel from a nearby rack, and sauntered off out of the courtyard.
Robert nursed his testicles and hoped they were still operable. The sun had randomly been changing its position in the sky all day and had now settled itself in the West. A figure appeared above Robert, blocking the sun.
“That looked like it hurt,” said Lily.
Robert got to his feet and tried to ignore the pain between his legs. And his shoulder. And his knuckle where he’d almost succeeded in punching Bastian but missed and hit a wall instead.
“Not really, I’m much tougher than I look. Or so I keep telling myself.”
Lily was dressed in the suit that Agents in Thiside generally wore on a day-to-day basis: black shoes, trousers, with a suit jacket, and white shirt. The uniform looked completely out of place in a world where everything looked and felt medieval, but it served its purpose. That purpose being to identify exactly who was an Agent and who was not. It also didn’t require a costume change every time an Agent had to cross over to Othaside. As usual, Lily looked fantastic. Her hair shone and her eyes gleamed.
They had kept their fondness for each other low key, but spent most of their free time together when Lily wasn’t on assignment. Robert was to apprentice with her once his training was complete. Until then, he spent his days at the Agency Castle on the outskirts of the City of Oz learning the history of Thiside and some unexpected history of Othaside. He learned about politics and how to negotiate peaceful settlements. He was taught strategy and hand-to-hand combat. The thing he’d excelled at the most was interrogation techniques. It appeared he had a knack for talking his way around, through, and over things. He found he could get into people’s heads very quickly. This pleased the Director, who was never actually pleased but often disliked certain things less, as she needed a good interrogator to replace Jack.
“How was your session today?” said Lily.
“As painful as usual. Bastian doesn’t pull his punches like he did when we started. I miss those days.”
“You’ll get the hang of it. You could practice with me, if you like?”
“No,” said Robert, “I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
“Very thoughtful of you,” said Lily and gave him a hug.
“How come you’re here so early? I thought we weren’t meeting until later.”
“You’re not happy to see me?” she asked coyly.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Every moment I see you, I can’t help but be happy,” said Robert.
And it was true. He hadn’t been back to Othaside since the night at the graveyard. Whatever life he had back there was gone. And he didn’t miss it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was fairly certain that it didn’t miss him, either, as he had never belonged there in the first place.