‘I’m taking her to the veterinarian.’
‘No, you’re not. A bullet’s the best thing for her.’
Mathilde doesn’t answer. She struggles to her feet, hugging Lulu to her chest. The dog screams as its leg flops against her.
‘Didn’t you hear what I said?’ Arnaud demands.
‘I heard.’
She takes a step forward. He’s blocking her way.
‘You’re not going anywhere! Put her down and—’
‘No!’
The refusal stops him dead. It’s the first time I’ve seen her stand up to him. Arnaud glares at her, but Mathilde stares back, white-faced to his mottled anger.
‘I’m not going to let you kill her.’
She doesn’t raise her voice this time, but there’s no doubting the purpose in it. For a moment I think Arnaud is going to hit her. Then he moves aside.
‘Please yourself. Just don’t expect me to pay for the vet.’
Mathilde goes past him, straining under the dog’s dead weight.
‘Let me,’ I say.
‘I can manage.’
But she doesn’t resist. Lulu whimpers as she’s passed over. I feel Arnaud watching me. I have a sudden intuition that he might think that I’m helping Mathilde because of what he said earlier, that I’m fulfilling my part of a tacit bargain. The thought angers me as I turn and find Gretchen standing behind us.
Her face is smeared with tears. She looks anywhere but at Lulu, although her eyes seem to be constantly drawn towards the dog’s leg.
Arnaud pushes past me and seizes her arm.
‘Did you open the gate?’ Her head is down on her chest. He grabs her shoulders and shakes her. ‘Answer me! Did you open the gate?’
‘No!’
‘Then how did the boar get out!’
‘I don’t know! Leave me alone.’
She tries to pull free but he twists her around to face the dog. ‘Look! Look what you’ve done!’
‘I didn’t do anything! Get off!’
She wrenches free and runs into the wood. Arnaud stares after her, then turns on us.
‘Go, if you’re going!’ he snaps, and stamps off towards the pens.
I do my best not to jolt the dog as I carry her back to the courtyard, letting Mathilde bring my walking stick. My foot holds up well, considering. When we get to the van she spreads out an old blanket on the passenger seat. The spaniel is shivering but still licks my hand as I set her down. Her hind leg looks as though it’s been minced. Splinters of white bone pierce the bloodied flesh, and for once I think Arnaud might be right. We’re only prolonging her suffering. But she isn’t my dog, and it isn’t my place to say.
Mathilde shuts the door and goes around to the driver’s side.
‘Do you want me to take her?’ I ask, knowing how she feels about going into town.
‘It’s all right.’
‘Shall I come with you?’
‘No, thank you. We’ll be fine.’
She’s like a stranger. I watch her drive up the track, easing over the bumps. The van reaches a bend and is lost in the trees, leaving behind a slowly settling trail of dust. When the sound of its engine fades it’s just as though nothing has happened.
Jules comes back to the bar the following week. It’s early and the bar is quiet. Kai, Sergei’s boyfriend, has brought me a coffee and is chatting to Dee about the best way to cook a rice timbale. I’m half-listening, keeping an eye on the entrance. I’m about to take a drink of coffee when the door opens and Lenny walks in.
I put the coffee cup down. He’s alone, but if he’s here then there’s a good chance Jules will be on his way as well. He looks over at me, indifferent but letting me see he knows who I am. He goes to where Dee is serving.
‘Bottle of Stella,’ he says to her, paying me no further attention. As he reaches out to take his change I see the gold watch on his wrist. It’s a Rolex or a copy, chunky and jewelled. He notices me looking at it.
‘What?’
‘Just admiring your watch.’
I’m thinking about how he’d asked the time when Chloe and I encountered him in the dark street. I don’t expect him to remember, or make the association if he does. But I’ve underestimated him. I feel a chill as the stubbled face stares at me.
‘I don’t give a fuck about you,’ he says. ‘If you’ve any sense you’ll keep it that way.’
With a last look to make sure I’ve got the message, he takes his drink over to a table.
‘What was that all about?’ Dee asks, coming over.
‘Private joke.’
There’s nothing funny about this, though. You don’t go out of your way to cross people like Lenny. I don’t even know why I did it.
After that I’m waiting, knowing it’s only a matter of time. The coffee I’ve drunk sours in my stomach. I think I’m ready, but my pulse still leaps when Jules comes through the door. When I see the girl with him my first emotion is relief, because it isn’t Chloe. Then they walk into the light and I feel a physical shock. It is her; it just isn’t the Chloe I knew. Her hair is styled and more obviously blonde, and she’s wearing a short red dress that shows off her legs in the high heels. When I knew her she hardly wore any make-up at all; now she’s almost unrecognizable behind the eyeliner and lipstick.
She walks slightly behind Jules as he goes over to greet Lenny. She hasn’t seen me, and I’m certain from her distant expression that Jules hasn’t told her I work here. I don’t realize I’m staring until Sergei comes out of the kitchen with two unopened bottles of Absolut.
‘Here, Sean, put these in the freezer,’ he says, thrusting them at me. He glances at my face. ‘And for God’s sake, smile! You look like you’re going to kill somebody.’
I take the vodka from him and go to the freezer beneath the bar. But I don’t open it, because now Jules and Chloe are coming over.
Jules is looking straight at me, but Chloe hasn’t noticed who he’s steering her towards. As they get near he puts his arm around her shoulders. She looks up at him in surprise, and the grateful flicker that crosses her face breaks my heart.
Then she sees me and stops dead. Still smiling, Jules tightens his arm around her and forces her forward.
‘Surprise. Look who’s here,’ he says.
I put the bottles down. Chloe is staring down at the counter. Her throat works, but no sound comes out. She’s lost weight; she was always slim but now she’s rake thin. One look is enough to tell me she’s using again.
‘Aren’t you going to say hello?’ Jules says, tightening his arm around her shoulders. ‘Come on, there’s a good girl.’
Obediently, she raises her head.
‘Hello, Sean.’ Her voice is so low it’s almost a whisper. There’s an unfocused look to her eyes that makes me think she’s on more than just coke these days.
‘Hi.’
My face feels turned to stone. Jules is watching, missing nothing. ‘Quite the reunion, isn’t it? Tell you what, I’ve got some business to sort out, so why don’t you two catch up? I expect you’ve got lots to talk about.’
‘Jules, no, I—’
‘Oh, and we’ll have two vodkas on the rocks. Bring mine over, will you?’
He gives me a wink, stroking Chloe’s shoulder in a demonstration of possession before swaggering over to join Lenny. The silence is awful as Chloe and I face each other across the bar.
‘So … how are things?’ I make myself ask.
‘Great. Really good.’ She’s nodding as if trying to convince herself. ‘You?’
‘Top of the world.’ It’s hard to look at her. I wish the bar were busy so at least I’d have other people to serve, but it’s still perversely quiet. ‘How’s the painting going?’
It’s a cruel question. There’s a quick flare of satisfaction when I see the hurt on her face, and then I hate myself for it.