If I did this wrong, Terric would die. Permanently.
Cold sweat drenched me. If I did this wrong, there would be no coming back. For either of us.
Careful, then.
I let Death magic pour out of my fingertips, cold and slow, sending it to cover his skin in that dark glass-edge light. Then I sent it deeper, into his body. Into his soul where Life magic flickered like a flame drowning in the wind.
He wasn’t breathing. He still wasn’t breathing.
Seconds ticked by, piling up into a minute. Two.
Undeath him, Cody had said. Take his death on as my burden.
Easy to say, but there was no spell for assuming someone else’s final end. There was no operating manual for the Death magic I carried.
It was like aiming a flamethrower to light a candle—messy and destructive.
“C’mon, Ter,” I said softly. “Let it go. Dying isn’t your thing—it’s mine. And I’ve got you now. You can just let go. And come back to me, mate. Please come back to me.”
Terric exhaled, long and slow, as I gently killed him.
And then he didn’t breathe again.
Chapter 20
SHAME
Minutes dragged by, measured by my own ragged breathing. But not Terric’s. Terric wasn’t breathing. The Life magic in him had been snuffed, smothered out by the touch of Death magic.
Come on, Terric, I begged. Breathe.
Cody had been wrong. Cody had been very wrong.
I’d killed him. My friend. My soul.
The rolling clack of a bullet chambering a round rang out in the silence.
“Shame,” Dash said. “Back away from him now.”
Terric’s ghost wasn’t pulling free of his body. He wasn’t tied to me like Eleanor and Sunny. But he was not alive either.
“Last chance, Flynn,” Dash warned. “Bullets might not kill you, but they will slow you down.”
Terric wasn’t breathing, still wasn’t breathing.
Goddamn you, Cody. You said he’d live. Like me.
I pressed my palm over Terric’s heart. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Move,” Dash said, “away.”
I swallowed the tears, swallowed pain. Nodded. I’d done this, made this choice. The wrong choice.
He was gone. Gone. I’d killed him. Just like I always thought I would.
Death spread its arms and wrapped around me like a thick, soft blanket, and I let it. Let it feed on my shock and pain, leaving me dull, blank.
I moved away from Terric as Dash said, backing away from the bed.
I’d killed him.
Everything went silent under the weight of that reality. The world slid past me in slow motion.
Dash moved toward the bed, shifting his aim to keep the gun pointed at my head. He bent and pressed fingers against Terric’s neck, feeling for a pulse.
I stared at Dash’s gun. Wished it could kill me.
I wished I was the dead guy in that bed. Wished I’d never crawled out of heaven and off that damn kitchen floor. If I could give up something to change this, to change everything, I would.
But there was nothing I could do.
Yes, I’d find a way to die. Soon. Dash was right—bullets wouldn’t do it. Something would, though. I was sure of that.
But before I found out how to take myself out of this world, I had someone to destroy.
Eli Collins.
Death magic closed around me tighter, a black wave that swallowed the last of me.
I did not fight it.
I started walking, clearheaded and calm. Revenge is a wonderful focusing tool, when applied correctly.
Through the house, out the door. Maybe Dash was calling my name. Maybe Sunny said something as I stormed through the living room. Maybe the doctor put down her cell phone and walked out the door behind me.
Maybe Death didn’t give a damn.
Out to the front of the house, out to the dirt road that wound off the highway and back into these hills. Out past the Illusion spell I had cast to keep us safe.
Only I didn’t want to be safe anymore.
Not one little bit.
Come at me, boys, I thought. I’m not hiding anymore.
I bent, unlaced my boots, pulled them off, and threw them into the ditch. Stocking feet pressed against the cold dirt. Dirt tied in to everything in this world. Dirt beneath my feet was dirt beneath Eli’s feet.
And there was a world of magic flowing between us. Magic I was a part of. Magic I knew he was a part of.
“Mr. Flynn,” the doctor said, her voice sounding miles away and small.
Eli was somewhere on this earth. I was going to find him, find his single, beating heart out of millions of beating hearts. Then I was going to tear him apart and drag him down to hell with me.
Death curled my hands into fists. I was angry, but anger was only the beginning.
Shame, Eleanor said. Whatever you’re thinking about doing, don’t do it. Think about this. Think about what your actions will do.
Death could drink down every life in a ten-mile radius. Every life in a hundred miles. But the only life I wanted ended was Eli’s.
“Please, Mr. Flynn,” the doctor said. “Let me see to your injuries.” Her hand gently touched my shoulder.
Death turned to her, to the life pulse thrumming in her, and smiled, hungry.
No, I thought
No! Eleanor said.
The doctor smiled back. “Let’s go inside.”
Death was fast. My hand whipped out and cupped the back of her head. My other hand pressed against her heart.
It was enough to snap me out of the shock, to shake off some of the numb grief that held me down.
But Death had the edge on me. I fought for control of my own damn hands, my own damn body.
Too late.
Death magic wrapped her, skin to soul, smothered the life out of her, and sucked it into me. The flare of her surprise, followed by pain, fear, and then the gentle release of her consciousness was thick against my tongue, heavy in my belly.
God, what had I become?
Shame, Eleanor said. Let go of her.
I heard her, and had enough control that I lowered the doctor to the ground and stood back.
Her spirit stepped out of her body, ghostly and confused. There was a new rope attached to my arm, a rope that wrapped around her neck.
Death magic was sated for the moment. Not easy to shove away, but I leaned into it, pushed it down, held it back.
The doctor was crying. Why? she asked softly.
“I’m sorry,” I said, the words numb against my lips.
You killed me with a single touch, she said. That’s not how we die. That’s not how anyone dies.
“I know,” I said. I had no words for her. No words she’d want to hear.
Eleanor and Sunny took her away from me, as far as their chains would allow, turned their backs on me, and on her dead body, and whispered comforting things to her.
If you’re going to do it, Sunny said. Do it now.
I must have been standing there for a while. Eleanor and the doctor—Mina—still had their backs to me, but Sunny was in front of me now.
“What?”
You killed Terric and he died. Then you killed Mina too, she said. Which I’m guessing was because you lost control of the snake pit of magic writhing in you. I can only think of one reason why you didn’t just force Dash to blow your brains out. You want revenge.
“Eli,” I said.
Good, she said. I want him dead too. Kill the son of a bitch. Kill him for what he did to Terric. Kill him for what he did to Davy. And kill him for what he did to you, Shame. For turning you into this crap-fest of magic, and hatred, and pain. For making you kill the people you care about.