He thought about what he was going to do as he doodled. He'd go out to the old dark house alone. A part of him couldn't help but momentarily wallow in the what Lee Marvin once referred to as “the vicaries,” even more of a buzz to the guys out there in the trenches, because they knew what it was to walk along the edge of the precipice. He would go in alone, his concentration on full beam, but subconsciously programmed by four decades of life that included The Bat Whispers, and all those sliding-bookcase movies of the 1930s and ‘40s.
He'd be touching ordinary wood but he'd be programmed for ornate wainscoting and spiral staircases, sniffing the traces of fear and Jade East and his own Caswell & Massey, but knowing the air was electric with voltage from The Lost City and every mad scientist's sparking tesla coils. He'd be brushing against surfaces covered with dirt but these were the hands that gripped the armrests of the Orpheum as the skeleton reached out and touched Mantan Moreland. He knew the truth. No matter what he found, a part of him would be getting off on it. His comic book was getting more and more real. Any day now he'd find himself starting his own cigar box of press clippings.
He thought what he'd do, his wandering mind staggering all over the place as he doodled away: he'd get his shit together and go watch the latest couple of Ukie tapes. See if he could feel any splinters on the banister. Look for the big paw prints in the container of Dairy Farm.
Tomorrow maybe he'd check out the house when nobody was there. He wanted to go back with Donna Scannapieco. See what might shake loose when she saw the place where Hackabee had kept her and put her through the weeks of slavery and horror. What would she think when she saw the awful place where she'd been repeatedly assaulted? What would anybody think?
When the awful anger welled up would anything else float to the top? Would she see something that triggered a forgotten terror, a clue to the odd and oddly impenetrable man who claimed to be “the world's greatest mass murderer” and then recanted? Who was six feet one or two of good-looking guy yet had to wag his wiener at strangers or kidnap and force a victim to get up for it. Would she be able to point Eichord onto the trail of anything that might lead to a clear picture of this character? Was there even a remote chance that he'd seen those bodies buried the way he claimed?
Among other calls made were those to a clinical psych he'd worked with before, currently in Boston, to somebody in Prescott, Arizona, to the MCTF chain of command for access to an on-line terminal. This and that. He thought about calling Donna Scannapieco and asking her about a point they'd missed in her latest debriefing, but he let it go.
He looked at the legal page covered in doodles: a large number one. A picture of a gun. The gun shooting a target with the word “FLIPPO” printed in the bull's-eye.
Two ... A drawing of a glue bottle spilling out a lake of glue and a HAMMONTREE growing out of the glue pond.
He could run nearly sixty numbers and names through his mental data processor that way, and the association would stay with him for as long as he needed it. Each of the symbols was a memory key and he preferred this to working with a recorder and mike, which he would sometimes use in a vehicle, but they came in handy at other times. Not just doodles or games or free association.
They were for those moments when he was analyzing the cadences or the silences of a conversation, the times when the trivia and the subtle changes and the nuances were nudging him. This is the way he'd school himself to remember the “throwaways.” The images would stick.
Three ... Idly, he doodled three interlinked Os.
This time he crumpled the doodle into a ball and round-filed it, tried to make a couple of more calls, and then went in to watch the Ukie tapes over again. He saw nothing. Just a frustrated, strange man doing his thing. It told him nothing. When he heard Ukie say the “neural pathway” nothing signaled him. No neon signs lit up for him. No light bulb came on above Ukie's cartoon head. It was just a waste of time. He felt drowsy. Boozy. Old. He was hungry. He said, “Chuck it, fuck,” and left. Nobody knew he was gone and nobody would have cared if they'd known.
Out by the Lido he went in this place and bought a small smoked ham, a fresh loaf of pumpernickel that smelled so good he wanted to eat it right there, and a jar of sweet mustard that cost nearly three dollars. He couldn't believe it. He asked the clerk to make sure and she double-checked and by God that was how much it cost. He'd been wanting some of it since Chink and Chunk had hipped him to it. It was made someplace called Wolf Island, Missouri, and he'd been told, “Once you try it you'll kill for it."
He put money in a pay phone and started to dial Jones-Seleska on a whim and checked himself. He just couldn't handle one more rejection. He went into his motel room, threw his sport coat over a chair, and took his knife and cut a slice of the ham about an inch thick. He spread pumpernickel with the Wolf Island mustard and took such a huge bite he nearly bit into his thumb. He hadn't realized how hungry he was till he had taken the food back to the loaner and when he got into the car with that fresh pumpernickel smell he noticed he was salivating like a madman. He swallowed and hurried. This had been worth it, definitely. Oh, yeah. This WAS three-dollar mustard. He couldn't remember a ham sandwich ever tasting so good. He sat there drinking a semicold Michelob and eating ham and fantasizing about Noel's pad. He was sitting on a motel bed with his sock feet up on a nineteen-dollar sling chair. Boy. I guess they know how to live—them rich folks.
Funny thing about all that is, he thought, no matter if you go to Neiman's for the clothes, and you go to Gucci's for the leather, and send to France for the china, and you don't have to worry whether you can afford three-dollar mustard or not, and you have a fridge full of dreamripened manzanilla olives ... hey, even if you've got five hundred dollars’ worth of beluga on the side, a ham sandwhich still is pretty much just a ham sandwich. Why sell your life down the tubes for it? You still gotta pull on the pants one leg at a time. You still get into traffic snarls whether you're sniffing leather in a Rolls or vinyl inside a Ford. Like a friend of his was fond of saying, “End's what counts, baby, and in the end it all comes out dead."
He took some trash out later because he didn't want it stinking up the room overnight, and out by the dumpster he saw a hungry, collarless dog of indeterminate breed sitting there. It cocked its head warily at Eichord, who said, “Hey, boy, come here.” He squatted down but the dog didn't budge. “Come here, buddy. I won't hurt you."
It just watched him.
What kind of pup are you anyway?” He could see it was a male and very thin. He said, “Okay, boy, we're gonna give you a feast. How does that sound?” The dog hadn't even blinked. Eichord started to move but the dog took off and ran behind the dumpster. It was a street dog who was wary of the apparently kind stranger, and it was trying to survive.
Eichord talked to it in his gentlest tones, “Yeah. I understand. But don't go ‘way, see. You stay right where you are. I'll be back.” He hurried back to the room.
In a couple of minutes he came back with a tin dish something had come in that he'd fished out of the wastebasket, and a sack. Inside the sack was the leftover ham, which he'd sliced into little chunks. He took a newspaper out and folded it down on the pavement and spread the ham in a pile and sat the tin water dish beside it.
“Dig in, pal,” he said, and walked away.
He walked down the concrete drive and out through the motel entrance, going up on a little hilly piece of ground that ran in back of the motel rooms on his side. He approached the back of the motel from up on the hillside and when he got to the end he stopped. He could see the dog gobbling up all the ham. He laid the sack down on the ground and sat on it, watching the dog finish and then drink the water.