She also knew that would hurt just as bad as Jack’s words to her that afternoon.
“Why didn’t you tell me you called Jack and chewed him out?”
Liam shrugged. “Honestly? I was really pissed at him. And I figured if I told you, considering all the shitstorm of stuff we were dealing with about Amy, you might have gotten pissed at me, too, for interfering.” He smiled. “It’s hard for a big brother not to look after his baby sister.”
That earned him a smile. A few months ago, she would have been pissed. He was absolutely right about that. “Thank you, bro,” she softly said.
“Hey, anytime. You ready to go inside and quit hiding now?”
She saved her work, shut the laptop down, and followed Liam into the house. Tim had outdone himself. The house smelled delicious. She didn’t spot Jack, but Tim grabbed her as soon as she walked into the kitchen and pulled her into his arms where he gave her a long, sweet kiss.
Gwen fought the urge to break down and cry. She didn’t want to lose them.
Tim guided her down the hall to the smaller guest room and pulled her inside. “Talk to me, sweetie,” he softly said. “Please?”
She rested her forehead against his chest. “I can’t right now. I’m sorry. I just need to sort stuff out.”
“He does love you, babe—”
She pushed away. “He needs to tell me all this himself. He also needs to decide why he loves me.”
“Does it matter?”
She whirled on him. “Yes it fucking matters! Put yourself in my place and then imagine looking forward ten, twenty years from now wondering still if you’re loved for who you are, or for who you look like!”
She started to push past him to retreat to the RV when the guest room door swung open. Jack stood there, freshly showered and a dark, unreadable expression on his face.
“Tim,” he said in a soft voice that didn’t sound like him, “can I have a few minutes alone with her, please?”
“Yeah. Sure.” He planted a kiss on top of her head before walking out.
Jack stepped in and closed the door behind him, leaning against it. She wished he didn’t do that, so she had an easy escape route back to the RV.
She shouldn’t feel like this, like a rabbit in a snare. That’s not what love was supposed to be about. At least, that’s not the way it was in her books.
In her books, when the heroine felt like this it was a clue to run like hell without a look behind.
“I do love you,” he insisted when he finally spoke.
“You can’t answer my question yet, though, can you?”
“I’m not going to lie to you. Does it matter why this happened? Really? I love you for who you are. That’s what I realized while you were gone, that I missed you and loved you. You. I made the worst mistake of my life by sending you away, and I’ve regretted it ever since. If I could take it back, I would. Yes, I’m a stupid jerk. I admit it. Yes, we all rushed into this, but I don’t regret that we met you, and I do love you. What do I have to do to convince you how I feel?”
Part of her wanted to blurt it out right then about meeting and talking to Pete. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. “Why can’t you open up about Melodie? About Pete?”
“Because it hurts too fucking much, that’s why. What difference does it make this many years later when it can’t change anything? She’s dead, he’s in jail, and it ruined my life.”
They stared at each other for a long moment. “I’m sure Tim doesn’t think of your life together like that,” she said. “As ruined. According to him, you’re the center of his universe.”
“He was the first good damn thing to happen to me after losing them. Her. After losing her.”
Gwen had an epiphany. “Do you still love Pete?”
His jaw tightened. “I wake up every fucking morning hating him for taking her away from me.”
“That doesn’t answer my question. You can hate someone and still love them. God knows that’s the way I feel about my sister and father.”
He started to answer her, his mouth opening, then snapping shut again, shock on his face. He stared at her for a long time in silence. Then without speaking, he turned and left.
She stood there with her heart racing, waiting to hear him slam the bedroom door shut. Instead, she heard the front door open and shut and his truck start. Before she could run outside and stop him, she spotted his taillights disappearing down the driveway in the dark.
Tim rushed into the foyer. “What happened? Where is he?”
“He’s dealing with a revelation,” she softly said. She would have simply thought he was trying to deal with his anger except for what she saw just before he left.
Tears in his eyes.
Jack pounded his fist against the steering wheel as he drove. He didn’t bother wiping his tears away.
He’d spent all these years ignoring what sat right in front of him. The deep pain, the ache that refused to go away. More than wanting vengeance or justice.
Wanting them back.
Wanting him back.
Everyone from his mother to the counselor who’d tried to help him harped on forgiveness, not for Pete’s sake, but for his own. Unfortunately, his anger encased his heart and what little charity remained in him, preventing him from offering any forgiveness, even just to give the idea lip service. No chance of faking it until he could really mean it.
How could he forgive the man who, in one stupid instant, left him alone and grieving?
A man who, yes, he still loved. With that one question, Gwen had forced him to admit the one thing he desperately avoided thinking about all these years.
He still loved Pete. Even if Pete walked through his door he wouldn’t get back together with him, but there was still a part of his heart and a locked room full of memories in his brain that missed the fun times, the passion-filled nights.
The man he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with. Pete, and then the three of them together after they fell in love with Mel. And all those years, he’d fought against grieving those good times because Pete was the same man who’d taken it away from him. Pete didn’t deserve his grief. He only deserved his anger.
He damn sure didn’t deserve his forgiveness.
Did he?
He drove for a while before pulling off in Keystone, near Rushmore, where he could look up and clearly see Washington and a little bit of Jefferson. Tim called him Stoneface. Most of the past years, he’d felt more like Stoneheart. Afraid to give anything away.
How had Tim put up with him? When faced with possibly losing Gwen again, why the hell couldn’t he do this? Why couldn’t he put the past to rest and enjoy the present? Tim and Gwen both wanted to love him, and he loved them.
Why couldn’t they be enough for him to turn his back on that time in his life? On his anger?
After pulling himself together he turned the truck around and drove home. Gone nearly an hour, Tim would probably be going crazy worried about him. He’d left his cell phone on the counter and they couldn’t get hold of him. He pulled into his usual place in the driveway and had almost reached the front door when it flew open and Tim rushed out.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded and let Tim pull him in for a hug. “I need to talk to Gwen. I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”
“It’s okay. We waited for you.”
Gwen looked up from the couch when he walked in. He tipped his head toward the hall and she understood. She stood and followed him back to the guest room, where he closed the door behind them and pulled her down to sit with him on the bed.
He didn’t release her hands. “I do love you,” he said. “Yes, maybe the fact that you look like her played a role in how fast we all got together. But you’re not her. I know that, and I love you for who you are, not for who I wish you were.”