“All right. You’re now realizing you did the unthinkable. You made love to me-one of the shining ones. You crossed over that invisible line, and now the horror and regret of that is eating you up.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No, that’s not what I’m thinking.”
“Oh.”
I heard him shift again and then felt a cookie balanced delicately on my arm. I snagged it and munched on it, getting crumbs on the sheets while he reconsidered. Lemon sugar.
“Very well. How about this: You’re thinking about the kitsune. About Kiyo. You miss him and lament what happened. Being with me makes you feel guilty.”
I hadn’t been thinking about Kiyo, but mentioning him suddenly brought him to mind. I did miss Kiyo. I missed the easy way we interacted, his solid and steady presence. I missed the way he held me and made me feel safe.
“No.”
“Hmm. Well, then. My perception appears to be off this morning. It has been known to happen once or twice before.”
I stared out the window, unsettled emotions turning over and over in me. Finally, I said, “I’m bothered by…how it was last night. How rough it was.”
“Truly? I really don’t know you so well. I thought you enjoyed it.”
“I did.”
He waited a beat. “Forgive me, then, but I don’t quite grasp your concern.”
I rolled back over toward him, and it all spilled out. “Don’t you get it? All this time I’ve been trying to avoid hordes of gentry and monsters from raping me. And yet…that’s essentially what happened last night. I let you…I let you be aggressive and possessive. And then I liked it. What’s that say about me? What’s wrong with me?”
Dorian’s face shifted to that rare and serious concern that sometimes seized it. He reached out and cupped my face with both of his hands. “Oh, gods, no. Is that what’s upset you? Eugenie, Eugenie. That’s not rape. Rape is brutal. Rape is done against your will, usually with someone you hate-or at least like a little less than me. What we did last night…that was a game. I believe it initially helped you get over a mental stumbling block, but after that…there was nothing violent or bad. It was a…novel way of approaching sex. You consented. There’s nothing wrong with you for liking it.”
Maybe he was right, but it still made me feel strange. “I’ve just never done anything like that. I’ve had rough sex before but never anything so…kinky.”
“Kinky. Fantastic word. It always takes us awhile to catch up with your world’s slang.”
“It makes things weird between us. I mean, weirder than usual.”
He ran his hand over my cheek and through my hair. “Then tell me how to make things right.”
“I don’t know.”
“Perhaps this will cheer you up: We’re ready to go to Aeson’s now.”
“What?” That didn’t cheer me up so much as surprise me. Where had this come from?
“We can go whenever you wish.”
“You’re giving in because I have morning-after regrets?”
“I’m ‘giving in’ because you crossed the point I wanted you to with your magic.”
I scoffed and rolled away. “Bullshit. I can make water drops appear in the air. Somehow I doubt that’s the life-or-death difference needed on this mission.”
“The life-or-death factor here is that you can control a fine portion of your magic now. I needed that to happen before I felt comfortable on this venture. I couldn’t risk your emotions flaring and creating a storm that might kill us. Now, you may very well still have some sort of magical breakdown, but I believe your current skills will go far to at least minimize the impact.”
“Then what you said before-about it being protection in case I was defenseless…”
“Yes. I’m afraid that was a ruse. I’d hoped the thought might spur you on to try harder.”
Typical Dorian. His absurdity made me half-smile.
“You’re happier now?” he asked.
“I don’t know if happy is the right word, but I will be when the Jasmine thing is over.”
“Excellent. Come here.”
He motioned me into his outstretched arm, and for a moment, I expected an advance. Like a Hey, baby, I’ll make you happier type thing. I moved over tentatively, and he only put his arms around me. Just that simple. No jokes. No kinkiness. Just a simple embrace between two people, two people close enough to have rattled the headboard last night. I took comfort in it, relaxing into his warmth and security. He wasn’t Kiyo, but he felt nice.
At last he moved his face away so he could look at me. “Very well, then. Tell me how you would like this to unfold.”
Staging another heist turned out to take a fair bit of planning and didn’t actually unfold until later the next day. We assembled all three of my minions in one of Dorian’s lounges. They waited patiently for orders, each watching me as their minds undoubtedly stirred with their assorted neuroses. As Volusian had once pointed out, they had little to lose. They couldn’t die. When Dorian called in Shaya to join us, I couldn’t help an exclamation of surprise.
“Remember the distraction we discussed?” he asked me.
I did. Before getting out of bed, we had come up with the tentative outline of a plan. Part of it had included a major distraction near Aeson’s home, enough to draw the attention of his guard so we could enter undetected. My spirits had long since verified that the siege tunnel had been blocked off.
Shaya, he explained, would be our distraction. She had the power to command small ranges of vegetation. In particular, she could summon and order around trees-something she’d apparently done before to great effect. Dorian’s thought was that Shaya would have a small regiment of said trees attack the western side of Aeson’s hold. On the eastern side, we knew there was a servants’ entrance we could slip into. Normally, that would be too exposed but not if the castle’s security was preoccupied elsewhere.
I nodded, thinking it was a good plan. Shaya crossed her arms and looked thoroughly displeased.
“You got a problem with it?”
“I don’t think it’s our place to interfere with Aeson’s affairs, nor do I feel this is worth risking my king’s life over.”
I glanced between her and Dorian uneasily. “So you won’t do it?”
“Of course I will. My king gives a command, and I obey. I am merely expressing my honest opinion first. I would be doing a disservice otherwise.”
Dorian touched her cheek, smiling at her stern expression. “And that is why you are so valued.”
“It’s a bad idea,” said Finn suddenly.
We all turned to him.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What’s a few trees? It screams, ‘Hey, look at our obvious distraction.’ It’ll make them suspicious. You want to really get their attention, send him in.” He inclined his head toward Dorian. “A little bit of that rock mojo, and they’ll think there’s an all-out assault going on.”
“We can’t. I need him as my backup,” I argued, “and protection for Jasmine. Shaya can do her thing and get out of there quickly. If I go in without him, then we’re in exactly the same situation as before.”
“Except without the army waiting for you,” said Finn.
Shaya shook her head, glossy black braids swinging. “I don’t like the idea of my king left alone.”
“He’ll be in and out, no problem. And if he has to face off, he can take anything Aeson’s people throw at him.”
“Unless it’s Aeson himself,” mused Dorian.
“Is he stronger than you?” I asked.
“We’re very evenly matched.”
“Huh. That surprises me. I mean, Kiyo walked away alive from a fight with him.”
“King Aeson wasn’t using his full power then,” said Nandi. “Most likely he feared burning down his home.” Seeing my startled look, she continued. “It would have created a terrible inferno from whence you would not have escaped. Your skin would have melted, only your bones left behind.”
“So you’re saying he wouldn’t have to worry about that outdoors. He could unleash as much as he liked.” Something struck me, and I turned back to Dorian. “What about you? Are you limited indoors?”