It was my turn to be surprised.
“About what?”
“Because I didn’t want to work. You and Tori and even Olivia were all pitching in and doing your part and being good little campers, but I didn’t want any part of that.”
“So what did you do? Nap?”
“Pretty much. I tried to find a place where I could just hang out, but Chris Campbell found me. I thought he was going to be all mad, but he said he had something better I could be doing. He totally busted me, so I had to go along. He didn’t take me some place to work though, he took me some place to work out.”
“Work out? You mean like at a gym?”
“Exactly. There were a bunch of younger guys working out in an empty health club place. Hardcore stuff. Lots of cardio and lifting. Chris said he picked out the most athletic guys to be part of a program to get in top shape in case the time ever came when Faneuil Hall had to be defended. I was psyched. I mean, I like working out, and I was flattered that he thought I was worthy of that responsibility. I was one of the elite who were chosen to protect us all. So here he was giving me a chance to get out of manual labor and do the exact thing I liked so much. I didn’t want to tell you guys because I knew you’d say I was slacking.”
“You know you weren’t getting in shape to defend Faneuil Hall, right?” I asked.
“Yeah, I figured that out. We weren’t being trained as commandos; we were being pumped up to be the heavy-lifting slaves at Fenway Park. I thought we were something special, but we were nothing more than trained workhorses. So you can see why I wasn’t real proud about letting that out.”
“I get it,” was all I could say.
“You feel better now, Pierce?” he asked bitterly. “Does that prove I wasn’t plotting something evil?”
I almost apologized, but the truth was that while it answered one question, it didn’t prove that Kent was innocent.
“I don’t care if you like me or not,” I said. “But don’t keep any more secrets.”
Kent chuckled and said, “Don’t worry. We’ll probably all be dead soon anyway.”
“Are you two talking about me?” Olivia asked brightly as she joined us.
“I’m always talking about you,” Kent said, being all charming.
He held his hand up to her. She took it and sat down next to him. Close.
“Sit, Tucker,” she said.
“Thanks, my food’s over there. I’ll talk to you guys later.”
I left the two of them feeling only a slight bit better about Kent. At least the biggest suspicion I had about him was put to rest… assuming he was telling the truth. The story sure sounded like typical Kent. He had a very high opinion of himself, and if somebody stroked his ego, he’d go along. Especially if it meant getting out of work. But it still didn’t prove that he wasn’t a Retro turncoat. And I still had to worry about Tori and Olivia.
I went back to the opposite side of the ballroom to be alone. I wanted time to collect my thoughts and let all of the information sink in. I sat on the floor with my sandwich, ready to eat, but I didn’t get the chance.
“We need to talk,” Tori said.
“Sure, pull up a piece of carpet.”
She sat down and began to eat her sandwich. She didn’t jump right in with what she wanted to talk about, which meant something was bothering her. It took a good five minutes of silent eating before she finally opened up.
“I’m not going to be on your team,” she announced.
That threw me.
“Uh… why?”
“A lot of reasons, but mostly because I don’t trust you. There. Done. I’m sorry.”
She moved to get up, but I grabbed her arm.
“Wait.”
She pulled her arm away but stayed.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I had to say something. If we left on separate teams, we might never see each other again. I couldn’t let it end like that.
“I won’t argue,” I said. “Do what you gotta do. But I want you to know that I heard everything you told me in Kentucky, and I agree with you. Every move we’ve made, that I’ve pushed you guys into making, was about me getting what I wanted. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
Tori nodded. “It wasn’t all your fault,” she said. “I bought into it. I bought into you. I really did believe we needed each other, and for somebody who has taken care of herself for most of her life, that’s saying something.”
I couldn’t have felt any lower.
“That night,” she said. “When I begged you to come to Nevada with me…”
She didn’t finish the sentence. The memory stung.
I was wrong—I could feel lower.
“I put myself out there,” she continued, fighting back tears. “You even told me that you loved me. That moment… it seemed as though no matter what happened, we would have each other’s backs. Stupid me, huh? You’d already decided to take off on us and go after Granger on your own, didn’t you?”
I nodded.
“You should have told me the truth, Tucker,” she said, her voice hardening. “The next morning, when I heard what you’d done, that’s when it all came clear. I can’t tell you how to feel, or what to want, but I deserve to know the truth. We all do.”
“I know,” I said. “Going after Granger was insane.”
“No,” Tori said. “Abandoning us was insane.”
I couldn’t argue with her. Here I had warned Kent about keeping secrets, and I was just as guilty as he was.
“What do you really want, Tucker? What’s driving you? Is it still about getting revenge for Quinn? Do you still think you can go back to Pemberwick Island and mow lawns someday? What is it you think is going to happen?”
She was forcing me to think about things in a way that I had been avoiding for a long time.
“Anger is easy,” I said. “It makes sense. So does wanting things to be fixed. It’s natural to get all righteous and demand to get back what we lost. It’s a lot harder to face the unknown and accept that things can never be the same. So I guess I don’t know what I want, and that’s the scariest thing of all. Almost as scary as losing your friendship.”
I desperately wanted her to look me in the eye, but she wouldn’t.
“What is it you want, Tori?” I asked. “You’ve wanted to fight back, and now you’ve got your chance. What happens after that?”
Tori stared at the floor for a good long time, giving a lot of thought to her answer.
“What I want isn’t about a place,” she finally said. “Or going home. Or trying to recapture what I used to have. I’m not so sure I’d want that even if I could have it. What I want is to know what’s going to happen tomorrow, and the next day, and to know that somebody will be there with me.”
She finally looked at me, and I saw that she had tears in her eyes. That’s the moment I fully realized how much I had failed her. She gave me a sad smile and said, “It’s the exact same thing I wanted before I ever heard of SYLO.”
I wanted to reach out and hold her but didn’t dare.
“I wish I could give that to you,” I said.
She wiped her eyes and said, “Yeah, well, whatever.”
I expected her to leave, but she didn’t. It gave me faint hope that maybe we could start over again.
I had been struggling with a decision for a while. It wasn’t until that moment that I finally made up my mind. It might prove to be a huge mistake. A fatal one. But I had to take the chance.
“I want to tell you something,” I said, lowering my voice to be sure that nobody would overhear. “Back in Fort Knox, before the Retros attacked, Granger told me something that’s been torturing me.”
“Granger?” Tori said. “Why would you listen to anything he said?”
“Because it made sense.”
I had her full attention.