“Really?” I asked again.
“Yes, really,” Kojima answered, now slightly more self-confident.
Yet I found this situation utterly regrettable. Kojima, still standing, moved in for another kiss.
“Please stop it,” I said, trying to be as clear as I could.
“No, I won’t,” Kojima replied, just as clearly.
“Come on, it’s not like you’re really serious about me.”
Kojima shook his head. “I’ve liked you all this time, Omachi. Didn’t I take you out on that date? Even if it didn’t go all that well.” His expression was earnest.
“So you’ve liked me all along?” I asked.
He gave a faint laugh. “I guess life is pretty funny that way.”
Kojima looked up at the moon for a moment. It was now enveloped by a thin haze.
Sensei, I thought to myself, and my next thought was Kojima.
“Thank you for tonight,” I said, staring at his jawline.
“What?”
“It was a lovely evening.”
The area below Kojima’s chin was much thicker than it had been when we were in high school. An accumulation of years. But this stoutness was not at all repugnant. In fact, I rather liked it. I tried to think of what Sensei’s jawline looked like. Surely, when Sensei had been the age that Kojima and I were now, his neck must have been appropriately thick. However, the ensuing years had whittled away any heft under his chin.
Kojima was looking at me, a bit surprised. The moon shone brightly, luminous even through the haze.
“So it’s not going to happen?” Kojima said, with an exaggerated sigh.
“Seems unlikely.”
“Aw, man… I’m just terrible on dates,” he laughed. I laughed with him.
“No, you’re not! You taught me how to swirl my wine and everything.”
“Yeah, I definitely shouldn’t do stuff like that.”
Kojima’s face was lit by the moonlight. I studied it now.
“Am I a good-looking guy?” he asked as he turned to face my gaze.
“Definitely, you’re very good-looking,” I answered gamely. Kojima pulled me by the hands up to standing.
“But not good-looking enough for it to happen?”
“You know, I’m a high school girl!”
“As if!” Kojima said, pouting. He too looked like a high school student when he made that face. He looked like a teenager who didn’t know the first thing about wine tasting.
We held hands and walked along the embankment. Kojima’s hand was warm in mine. The moonlight illuminated the cherry blossoms. I wondered where Sensei was at that moment.
“You know, I never really liked Ms. Ishino,” I told Kojima as we walked along.
“Really? Like I said before, I had a crush on her.”
“But you didn’t like Mr. Matsumoto.”
“Right, I thought he was stubborn and strict, you know?”
Little by little, we really were regressing to our high school days. The schoolyard looked white, bathed as it was in moonlight. Perhaps if we kept on walking along the embankment, the years would actually roll back in time.
When we got to the edge of the bank, we turned around and walked back until we reached the entrance to the embankment, and then we made another round trip. The whole time, we held each other’s hand tightly. We hardly spoke a word; we just kept walking back and forth along the embankment.
“Shall we go home?” I said, when we came back to the entrance for the umpteenth time. Kojima was silent for a moment until he suddenly let go of my hand.
“I guess so,” he replied quietly.
We descended from the embankment side by side. It was close to midnight. The moon had climbed high in the sky.
“I thought we might just keep walking until dawn,” Kojima murmured. He didn’t turn toward me when he spoke; he seemed to be whispering these words to the sky.
“I know what you mean,” I replied. Kojima stared at me now.
We held each other’s gaze for a long moment. Then, without a word, we crossed the street. Kojima hailed a taxi as it sped toward us, and put me inside.
“If I see you home, I’ll just get more ideas in my head,” Kojima said, smiling.
“All right then,” I said, at the same time that the taxi driver slammed the automatic door closed and then sped off.
I turned and watched Kojima’s figure retreat from the rear window. It got smaller and smaller, and then disappeared.
Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to get ideas in your head, I muttered softly to myself in the backseat of the taxi. But I was well aware of what would be likely to go wrong in the aftermath. Maybe Sensei was by himself at Satoru’s place. Perhaps he was eating salted yakitori. Or else he was cozied up with Ms. Ishino, at the odenya or somewhere.
Everything felt so far away. Sensei, Kojima, the moon—they were all so distant from me. I stared out the window, watching the streetscape as it rushed by. The taxi hurtled through the nighttime city. Sensei, I forced out a cry. My voice was immediately drowned out by the sound of the car’s engine. I could see many cherry trees in bloom as we sped through the streets. The trees, some young and some many years old, were heavy with blossoms in the night air. Sensei, I called out again, but of course no one could hear me. The taxi carried me along, speeding through the city night.
Lucky Chance
TWO DAYS AFTER the cherry blossom party, I saw Sensei at Satoru’s place, but I was just paying my bill when he walked in, so all we said was hello and then parted.
The week after the next, our paths crossed at the tobacco shop in front of the station, but this time Sensei seemed to be in a hurry. All we did was nod at each other and then we parted.
And then it was May. The trees along the streets and the copse next to where I lived grew flush with fresh green leaves. There were days when it seemed hot even in short sleeves, and then there were chilly days that made me long to huddle under the kotatsu. I visited Satoru’s place several times, and I kept assuming I’d run into Sensei, but I never saw him there.
Sometimes from across the counter, Satoru would ask something like “Tsukiko, do you miss having your dates with Sensei?”
And I would reply, “We never had any dates.”
“Is that so?” Satoru would sniff.
I could do without his sniffing. I picked at my flying fish sashimi indifferently. Satoru watched with a critical eye as I decimated it. Too bad for the flying fish. But it wasn’t my fault. Satoru shouldn’t have been the one to go sniffing, “Is that so?”
I continued mistreating the fish. Satoru went back to his cutting board to prepare another customer’s order. The flying fish’s head shone on the plate. Its wide-open eyes were limpid. With renewed determination, I seized a piece of the fish with my chopsticks and dunked it in gingered soy sauce. The firm flesh had a slightly peculiar flavor. I sipped from my glass of cold saké and looked around the bar. Today’s menu was written in chalk on the blackboard. Minced bonito. Flying fish. New potatoes. Broad beans. Boiled pork. If Sensei were here, he would definitely order the bonito and the broad beans first.
“Speaking of Sensei, the last time I saw him here he was with a beautiful lady,” the fat guy in the seat next to me said to Satoru. Satoru barely looked up from his chopping block and, without replying to the guy, he shouted to the interior of the bar, “Bring me one of the blue platters!” A young man appeared from where the back sink was.
“Hey,” the fat guy said.
“He’s the newbie,” Satoru said by way of introduction.
The young man bowed his head and said, “Nice to meet you.”
“He looks a bit like you, boss,” the guy said.